repeat// 5SOS

rejection is redirection

Luke

I knew something was wrong as soon as she clicked the button.

Her cheeks went red. Her body stiffened. Her eyes darted back and forth.

And then she burst into tears, which alas wasn't as uncommon anymore, but at this volume, it was. When she didn't move, I carefully took the laptop and turned it round, Sierra and I reading it before looking at each other.

I couldn't imagine how crushed she was right now. Her dad was a doctor, her uncles were, and all she'd ever wanted to be was that.

And Sierra and I knew this wasn't the be all end all, but to her, it was going to seem like it.

"Come here darling,"

She shuffled over and fell into my arms, her while body moving as she cried. I soothed her, and kissed her head as her tears soaked my shirt.

"You still have a chance, and I am beyond proud of you for trying when you have been going through so much. Even if it doesn't work out this year you have lots of very eager people around you who will sort out as much work experience as we can!"

"There's no point,"

"Yes there is. It took Ashton 3 times and now he is doing all that amazing research. Mike had to take an extra set of classes cos he bombed it. You have spent the last year in and out of hospital so we might be facing a setback. Things happen, but you want this and you can get it,"

"I thought I did well,"

"I am sure you did amazingly, it's just a very competitive thing. It takes a special kind of person so get so far!"

"This is so embarrassing,"

"Gabi, when I first started trying to go down the general surgery route, I had rotten luck. Whether you're starting medicine or are well established, barriers will always come up," Sierra said, "We need to read what they say when they send a letter, because maybe we can send a letter of intent or something,"

"I'm never gonna be like you guys. Never. I bet I don't have your brains dad. I bet I have hers,"

"You wouldn't have graduated primary school with that," I said, a small laugh escaping from her, "You've got my brains. And you have got a lot more resilience than I ever had at your age,"

"I'm disappointed,"

"I know, and we can be disappointed for tonight, and take action tomorrow. Getting emotions out is good,"

"I ruined tea,"

"Gabriella, stop talking badly about yourself. Please,"

"I don't get it,"

She sat in my arms and cried for a good ten minutes, then eventually slowed down and had some water, sitting up with a wobbly lip.

We kept the cake and the wine away, and I had luckily kept the gifts hidden away at home.

I was surprised, especially because Gabi often lacked confidence, so for her to think she smashed an interview was rare. And her grades were not insane after everything, but they were high and she got an interview offer which was hard in itself.

She had a lot of passion, a lot of experience with hospitals, and she had a shit ton of knowledge. I know everyone did, but she had enough passion for her not to be turned away after countless surgeries and needles, and way too invasive procedures for a kid.

She deserved this and it crushed my heart that it wasn't going smoothly. Nothing ever seemed to go smoothly for her. Nothing at all.

"I wanna go home. I wanna see Michael, and Ashton, and Calum, and I wanna go home,"

"Go and put your shoes on,"

"Thank you for the food Sierra, I would like to come back,"

"You are always welcome round here sweetheart! Text me if you want to talk about anything,"

We put our shoes back on and I got the laptop, kissing Sierra goodbye before we left for the car. I texted the guys to tell them, who were all as disappointed for her, then set off home.

"They told me it was an impressive interview. I'm not sure they're even supposed to say that,"

"We don't know their reasoning. Perhaps it was a very good interview angel,"

"I wish we knew why. I did my best,"

"You did, which is why all of this is still a great achievement,"

"I want a big cuddle, from everyone,"

"They're all on their way,"

When we got home, I sent her upstairs to change into pyjamas, and got Petunia some more water. I heard her talking to someone- it sounded like Julian-and everyone arrived while she was up there.

"How is she?"

"Crushed," I said quietly, "She thought it went so well,"

"Bless her. It feels so shit when you're in it all at the time. We can all look back on it but right now, it's shit," Ashton said, "Was there any information?"

"Not much, we get a letter. I doubt it will say anything but we want to see if we can send a letter and show she really wants to go there,"

"She's not had it easy,"

"Tell me about it. I feel like my heart is going to shatter all over again,"

"Do you want me to go and talk to her?"

I called Gabi down, and she went straight towards Calum, bursting into tears again.

"It's gonna be okay angel, it's alright. Let's go and have a cuddle,"

"I'm sorry,"

"What for?"

"I disappointed you all,"

Everyone immediately started to argue with her, and she covered her ears, letting out even louder sobs.

I accepted we weren't going to get through to her tonight- we were all here to listen to her.

"Why don't we go to the living room, and you can explain what you're feeling," I said, "Or we can just watch some tv,"

"Watch tv,"

We went to the living room and she pulled Michael along, sitting between him and Calum. Ash and I sat on the other sofa and put the tv on, then she chose a show and began to calm down.

I noticed she hadn't really looked at Ash, and I knew she often saw him as a second-dad, so I knew it would be hard. Even more because he was really who inspired her in the first place. Honestly I hadn't realised there was this much weight hanging over her.

After about an episode, she sat up straight and sighed, looking down to her lap.

"Thanks for coming,"

"You know we would do anything for you," Michael said, "Anything,"

"I thought this might be something good, after so much bad. I was wrong I guess, and I still feel like shit mentally and physically. And I hate school, and I hate just, existing sometimes, and I just wanted something good,"

"Well it isn't a closed door yet, but we will make sure you have lots of good to look forward to. Gabi and I were saying earlier that we think she needs more one on one time with you all," I said.

"You know we would love that,"

She shrugged and Calum pushed her braids off her face, getting her attention.

"You can always hang with us, we will do whatever you want. Mike will have a movie marathon!"

"That's what dad said," she giggled.

"We can do anything. We could even go and stay overnight somewhere new,"

She nodded and bit her trembling lip, looking up at Ashton.

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be silly now, this doesn't define your worth in any way. We can work with whatever we get thrown at us, because we are family, and families help each other out. You know that,"