repeat// 5SOS

love makes you crazy (so does sedation)

Luke

"Good afternoon, Luke. I need you to sign these forms and then we are all finished,"

"I haven't seen a familiar face all day,"

"You haven't? Sorry about that man," Cal said.

"Sierra's avoided me like the plague and I've been everywhere in the hospital possible,"

"That's how it goes! You've not eaten, have you?"

"Not since lunch,"

"Perfect, pre op starts soon. Do you have any questions or concerns?"

"How is Gabi?"

"She's doing really well, a little grouchy because she wants more food, but she is all good to go too,"

"I will see her after, won't I?"

"You are going to be next door neighbours. Sorry this has all been so intense, especially with all the stress going on. Ash told me he has it all under control,"

I nodded and he gave me a fist bump, then watched me sign the forms and started to organise pre op.

I missed Gabi. I wanted to be there to make sure she was okay, and comfort her, but last night I couldn't find the strength to put on the 'dad face' that tells you it's all okay, because I didn't believe it.

Then this morning I didn't get chance to breathe with everything going on. The surgery was happening today. I thought last time was rushed, but this time felt like a whirlwind. Cal was trying not to show it but his whole energy gave off the urgency of this. Sensing that was terrifying.

I had met mine and Gabi's surgeons, and trusted them both, so was content with that. Sierra would be looking after Gabi too, so I knew she would be okay.

Just, after last time, 'okay' was very hard to reach.

I spent about half an hour on my phone trying to reach someone, and ended up texting my mum for a while; last night she had helped me a lot, and reassured me. Sometimes I felt I took her for granted, but as a parent I knew that you went above and beyond for your kid without a blink of an eye.

All of this was quite surreal.

As I was getting medication, Sierra shuffled into the room and gave me a smile, giving me a small kiss.

"Where have you been?"

"Keeping Gabi company, but Ash has taken over,"

"How is she?"

"She's okay. I um... I had to tell her about you and everything because she wouldn't sleep. But she is okay, she's spoken to Ash and me, and your mum,"

"My mum is here?"

"On the phone,"

"Oh. Well, I trust your judgement and if that was the best thing to do then I believe you," I said, even though I felt a hint of annoyance, "Did you tell her about uni?"

"No, that's your thing. She missed you so much, Lu. She begged and begged to see you,"

"Please don't, I already feel terrible,"

"Sorry,"

"It's okay I am just insanely stressed right now. You'll be here when I wake up right? Even if it's just for five minutes?"

"Of course. I will walk with you when you go,"

"I hope it works,"

"It will," she said, brushing the hair from my face, "Do you want me to try and braid it back into a bun?"