repeat// 5SOS

learning to love

Gabi

I never knew what to do while at a meal with mum and dad. When we were in a restaurant, it was formal, and I felt kind of uptight.

They had plenty to talk about all the time, and I was always sat opposite them as they spoke, in silence. Not that I was up to talking anyway.

Struggling like this about my appearance was new to me. At some points in my life I was just happy to even be alive, and generally speaking, I had felt content throughout my life. I never felt like my friends who always seemed to be put together, but I had been content.

It was a new kind of frustration to learn how to deal with for sure.

I'd ordered the same as dad, but they ate pretty quickly, so were chatting away as I finished off. I was trying my best not to appear too miserable for it was our holiday, but I didn't think I was doing too well.

"Has Maddox landed yet?"

"Probably,"

"Maybe you can call her later on,"

"Yeah,"

"How about we get out of here and find an ice cream place?"

I nodded, so dad asked for the bill and we paid. On the way out, mum looped arms with me and kissed the top of my head, then leant back to give me a smile. I returned a small one then looked away.

"Please can I go in my wheelchair?"

"You don't have to ask,"

"You're moving it pretty fast," I said to dad, sitting down, "Thanks,"

"Did you enjoy your food?"

"Yeah,"

"It was a nice restaurant wasn't it? I think we have one being built,"

"Mhm,"

"Are you up to the beach?"

"Yeah,"

"Google where we can get ice cream,"

"We could just go there,"

I pointed to an ice cream shop and he started walking a bit faster, as if it was going to disappear.

Inside was cool, and he stopped me by the flavours to choose. I ended up having a chocolate coated cone with one scoop of caramel, and one scoop of fudge brownie. Mum got strawberry, and dad got vanilla in a tub so I could hold it for him.

We weren't far from the beach, so it didn't melt too much on the way.

Dad took the wheelchair to the lifeguard building that was here to see if we could keep it there, then he jogged back and took the ice cream from my hand.

"Shall we stroll up and down?"

"Yeah. The ice cream has helped,"

"Good,"

"Mads still hasn't texted me,"

"I am sure she will soon,"

"What if something bad happened?"

"It won't have, she's just been on a very long flight and they have to get their luggage and everything,"

"But what if it did?"

"She will be okay,"

I looped arms with mum again and watched as the sun started to set over the sea. After a few minutes of walking, I came to a halt and tried to catch my breath, leaning into her.

"We can sit here,"

"Sorry,"

"I need a sit down too," she said, moving down with me, "It's pretty, isn't it?"