Inevitable | Jeon Jungkook

Chapter 22

It isn't easy cleaning and dressing up a sleeping 5-year old but you and Jungkook manage. Right after you do, you spend a good 45 minutes in the hot bath, happy you're afforded this luxury after a long and tiring day. You head to the kitchen for a glass of water and see Jungkook seated on the couch, looking at what looks to be pictures.

You gingerly approach him and he removes the pillow next to him, motioning for you to sit.

"What you looking at?" You ask.

"Sarang gave me all the photos she took today," he responds, handing you the pile of Polaroids. "There's enough of us to put on the shelf and on my desk, and my wallet," he smiles.

You look at each one, and you beam at how happy you all look in your matching shirts.

He watches you go through them, a smile etched on your face, a longing look on his, as something you said earlier rings in his head.

"You said we made Jungwon with so much love, and he was conceived around October, right?" Jungkook states, prompting you to look at him and nod.

"You know I think it happened during our celebration over your signing," you say, glad you can talk about this openly. "I drank a lot and I remember vomiting so maybe that's why the pill didn't take effect?" You shrug, curious as to why he's asking.

"So even then, when you knew I was gonna leave to play for the minor league, you still loved me?"

"Of course, Jungkook. Every time we... every time it happened, it was always out of love."

"And we did it again after October, until before you left me, and I..."

"Jungkook, what's going on?" You ask, worried now.

He turns to you with glazed onyx eyes, asking for something.

"You said you didn't think we were gonna work out. You said you've been tired, and that you didn't need me, that I'd be holding you back."

"Jungkook..."

"That night when it ended, that's what you said. And it rang in my head constantly how you were tired of being with me, of being second to baseball all the time, that maybe I wasn't giving you enough or loving you enough and that's why you wanted to break up..."

"Jungkook, I ended it because I was pregnant," you explain, realizing it hadn't been clear to him all this time.

"That was it, the only reason. I couldn't let you stay, and I knew you would if I told you the truth, so I had to end it, make you believe that having you so far away would be too much, and that I was tired of it all and... I just felt like it was the only way."

You're met with silence, something you've forgotten how to deal with now because things have been going so well. He looks back at you, a tinge of sadness painting his eyes. Like he doesn't fully believe you, like he needs convincing that it was the only reason why.

"I'm so sorry, Jungkook. I'm not proud of that night but...," you stammer. "You have to know that I didn't mean what I said and—"

"I was gonna ask you to come with me, you know?" He says, catching you off guard.

"I was gonna ask you to move with me to the US and come up with plans on how to make it work - together, but you ended it before I could say anything and I was so upset that I just agreed."

"Jungkook, I'm sorry, I..." You start, not knowing what to say, never really thinking he would come up with such a proposition in the first place. You take his hand in yours, one that's clenching in an effort to control his emotions.

"And I thought if you didn't think it could work then, it would just be harder if I pushed for it. So I just let you walk away, I just let you go because I knew I couldn't make you change your mind and..."

He turns to you, as a tear rolls down his cheek. "I should've tried harder to change your mind ___. I should've done more to try to understand, and knowing why you decided to keep Jungwon from me, I realized that I didn't do enough, ___," he says, his face getting drenched by the second. He engulfs both your hands in his this time, kissing them, caressing them.

"I didn't show you that I loved you enough. I didn't make you trust me enough, that we were gonna be okay, that it was gonna be okay if I didn't make it, that I would've figured it out," he sobs now, and you pull him close to you, his head on your chest as you caress him.

"But I loved you so much, ___. I loved you so, so much. And I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you that, that I didn't show you that. If I had, we could've stayed together, we could've raised—"

"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for," you interject, as the tears you've been holding fall down your face this time. "I made that decision, okay? You were so good to me. You made me feel so special, so loved. And you did okay, you did great out there, Jungkook. But none of this was your fault."

You let him cry as you continue stroking his back.

"It was so hard to be without you, ___," he responds after a while, words muffling at how hard he's still crying, kind of like that night when you broke his heart. You didn't think years later you'd see that version of him again, this time apologizing to you.

"I missed you so much, baby. I'm so sorry," he continues, his hands gripping tightly around your waist.

You don't miss the pet name, and how easy it slipped from his mouth.

"I missed you so much, too," you say, the words coming out just as easily, as they're words that have been echoing in your head everyday since that night.

You continue to caress him, and he's hanging onto you for dear life, as if he's scared to lose you again. You stay like that for a while until he releases himself from your hold and faces you.

"I wish I was there for you," he says, voice strained.

"That doesn't matter anymore. You're here for me now, it's all okay," you respond, as you wipe the tears from his eyes and he wipes the tears from yours.

"Do you think we can try again?" He asks, nervousness laced in his voice. "Do you think you can love me again?"

There's a pang in your chest as you look at his eyes that are pleading, begging for you to give him another chance, one you don't think you even deserve after everything you've done.

He looks just as scared as you and you want nothing more than to ease his worries and for him to do the same with you. But the emotions are overwhelming and you're afraid that one wrong move will cause you to lose him again, and you wouldn't know what to do if that happens this time.

"Yes," you mutter, not trusting yourself to say more. "We can try again."

"Okay, baby. I'll do this right, okay? I'll follow your pace, and we can take it slow. I just... I just don't want to lose you again. Please, baby."

"Okay, Jungkook, okay," you reply, kissing his forehead and letting it linger.

He savors this, savors the feel of your lips on his skin, and your touch that's holding him up, keeping him from further falling apart. It's a chance he wants to show you just how much you mean to him. He won't rush it, won't force it; he'll let you take the lead.

He'll do it right this time, and he hopes you won't find a reason to walk away from him again. He'll love you even better and let you know that you can trust that love will be above everything else this time.