The Holiday (A Tom Hiddleston Fanfic)

Heartbreak

They stayed there, having turned out the lights to better see the stars, quietly talking, kissing and just holding each other on the blanket. It felt like minutes to Jamie, wrapped in his arms, but was actually several hours. Time seemed to stand still when she was with him. Unfortunately they both knew it wasn't really true. As the sky lightened behind them, it was time to go.

Slowly Tom sat up, taking Jamie with him. She yawned and stretched and although they had only been dozing on and off, she felt as if she'd had the best night's sleep of her life. She needed to lay on a Hiddleschest more often she thought with a smile.

"I wish we didn't have to go " she whispered to herself as she watched Tom fold the blanket and stow it away in the car. She didn't want to be sad , she'd just spent the night with her hero, now soon to be her lover. In time that would happen, she was sure, ever the perfect gentleman, last night had been about romance and passion, not sex. What was there to be sad about? But deep inside she knew this was all just a forerunner of the day they would eventually part. Last night she'd been so sure things would last but now, in the cold light of day, she suspected their worlds were too far apart. She was just an ordinary woman living an ordinary life. His career was heading to the stratosphere. She was so proud of him but knew she couldn't stand in his way.
Still, she thought, he would be on the island as long as she was, he had already said as much. She was determined to enjoy whatever time they had left.

Sadly, that was to be no time at all.

Tom was just shutting the boot of the car when his phone rang. At first he wasn't even sure what the noise was. A distant tune in his brain...no, shit, it was his phone. Pulling it from his pocket he saw it was Luke, his publicist. It was barely 6am, what on earth?

He waved the phone to Jamie so she understood and walked away a little to get a better signal.
"Luke? Hey man, its a bit early, what's up? Is mum ok?"
As he listened to the call, his face and his heart fell. It wasn't his mum, or his sisters. They were all fine. It was worse. It was work. Important, life changing work. As Luke spoke , he looked over at Jamie and his heart broke. She was going to hate him, think he'd treated her as just a 1 night stand after all. Now he had spent the night, so to speak, he was leaving. Everything he swore he would never do, but he couldn't get out of this. Being executive producer on his new series, when they moved the schedule up, he had no choice. He had to go. He hung up telling Luke he would pack and be at the airport for midday.

He swore viciously to himself and sighed deeply, his stomach churning. He rubbed his eyes, and ran a hand through his hair. Now to face the beautiful woman he had only just found but now had to leave. He fervently hoped she would understand, would be generous enough, forgiving enough, to wait for him. It was so much to ask of her so soon. He could only hope and pray.

Jamie watched him as she perched on the bonnet of the car. The call was not going well. His face had been one of concern, then frowning concentration, then sadness. Unbearable sadness. In her heart she knew what was coming. He was leaving her. He was breaking her heart. As he approached, his mouth was smiling but his eyes were downcast. One hand held his phone, the other rubbed the back of his neck, distracted.. she beat him to the punch
"You're leaving aren't you?" she wasn't accusing, she wasn't hysterical . She was quiet and matter of fact. Her being bitter wouldn't help him. " Its ok Tom, I understand. Really I do. " she reached out to him and took the hand now no longer at his neck .
" I knew this day would come, I just didn't count on it so soon" she smiled a watery smile, beginning to lose her composure. He pulled her to him and she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face to his chest, inhaling his smell - imprinting it on her memory.

He was in awe of her, even in the face of heartbreak, she was calm, supportive and kind. It actually made it even harder, he knew now she was his world. How could he function knowing she was so far away in every sense. He swallowed, trying to get rid of the massive lump in his throat.
" I have to darling. Its work. I have a huge responsibility to the whole crew. If I had any choice, I promise.." he stopped, tipping her chin up and seeing her now in floods of silent tears, his own composure crumbling.
"Oh Tom, I'm so sorry, I'm trying to be brave " she said " but...." now she could no longer speak. He kissed her forehead gently,
"I promise to call every day I can " he said, then smiled a little " I want to see the rest of your adventures and photos, lots of photos " now he too was tear stained.
" I can't lose you Jamie, I won't lose you. As soon as you can , come to me darling. Please"
They kissed and it tasted of tears and longing and regret.

The drive back was agony. They held hands the whole way, neither able to speak. In truth, neither was able to think of a single thing to say that wouldn't actually make it worse. Except one thing. He knew now it was his last chance. Tom pulled up outside her villa and switched off the engine of the car. It was now or never.

She started to open the door, her shoulders beginning to shake again, so much for noble gestures she thought. She wanted to scream and cry and beg him to stay but she couldn't do that to him. She had to get some air. Tom laid a hand on her arm, pulling her back into the seat.

"Jamie" he said, his face still stained with tears. "Wait. Please wait a moment. I - I need to say one more thing." She shook her head, all resolve gone she was desperate to leave and be alone in her agony. He took a deep breath. " please. Its important"
She sat back, eyes closed , waiting.
"Look at me darling. Please, just to see your beautiful eyes again before I go." He pleaded quietly and with a sigh she turned to him.
"Tom, please just..."
He raised a finger to her lips "shhh my Little Mermaid" her heart clenched and she whimpered softly, " I need to - want to - tell you ..I love you."
Her world stopped. He reached over and kissed her with as much passion as his breaking heart would allow. He pulled back and looked at her " I don't expect you to feel the same, its so soon I know, but I wanted you to know. From the moment we met, I felt a connection. Something I've never felt with anyone. I have come to the realisation its not how long you know someone, but how well. I cannot begin to remember how it was before you came into my life and I cannot imagine how I will cope without you even for a day. But cope I must till you come back to me. Maybe one day in the future you'll feel the same."
He looked so sad. So lost. She had to tell him the truth, put him out his misery.
"No, in the future I won't come to love you, it's too late for that ....I love you already." His face, initially pale and etched with pain, suddenly lit up like a thousand suns. He paused for a moment and silently mouthed 'you love me' , not a question but a statement, shook his head in wonder and kissed her again.

Now it really was time to part. Peter appeared and stood by the car, he knew what was happening because Jamie had text him as they drove. As Tom opened the car door and helped Jamie out, he turned to Peter giving Jamie, quite literally, to him.
"Look after her for me would you? She's too precious to me to trust to just anyone." Peter nodded, for once no jokes, no sarcasm, no teasing. They both looked wrecked.
"Sure man, you take care. See you soon ok?" He put his arm round his little cousin, sobbing but smiling through it like she would burst and squeezed. Together they stood and waved Tom off as he went to pack for home. They loved each other and had promised to stay together somehow. That was a start wasn't it? It would be enough - wouldn't it?
Questions ringing in her mind, she allowed him to lead her back into the villa. Sometimes, though, if you don't want to know the answer, you don't ask the question.