Voiceless Love

42. That's it?

What if Zoey's using me to force herself into not liking another guy? Am I her distraction?

A sharp corner of a paper, pierced into my arm. It hurt but wasn't enough to get a reaction out of me.

I kept thinking about the 'what ifs'. I couldn't think about anything but that.

What if she doesn't realize what she's doing? She thinks it's normal.

Minor pain of a pinch was placed on the surface of my skin. Again, I didn't react.

What if she likes doing this? Hurting others? Then she's fooled me, perfectly. I fell into her trap in the blink of an eye.

I've simped for her for weeks.

Multiple pokes to my side caused me to be ripped out of my trance and jump in my seat to see Zoey holding out our assignment paper. Probably wanted me to look it over. I stared down at her, looking into her eyes as I tried to find something in there. The lies she put in my head. But they were filled with a gleam as always. Which bothered me. I couldn't find a single thing of proof that she was doing these actions behind my back. I couldn't decide if it was real or fake. Her happiness seemed genuine. Certain and honest.

Still didn't buy it.

"Five more minutes, then we're moving on," Mrs. Brown announced to the class. Yay, we're almost in here. I spent most of my time spacing out. Thinking about the girl next to me who might be seeing someone else. I can't tell anymore. Every time I looked her in the eyes, she was so upbeat and joyful. And I'm gloomy.

Still holding out the paper, I took it from her grasp. Signing, I read it, a haiku.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Love is cunning,
And so are you.

Your air is warm,
When I breathe it in,
I'm broken,
And I need fixing.

Intoxicated by your scent,
I melt in your grasp,
My hand in yours,
How they clasp,
Onto each other,
Like we're bonded,
Frozen in time,
And our bodies responded.

Her words were... convincing. But...

I don't know.

I'm broken. I stared at the words. Was she referring to her? Or... was she writing ABOUT HER OTHER BOYFRIEND?

NO- no, no, stop. Stop it.

What's wrong with me? Why would I think about something like that? She would... never do that.

She only did hookups like me before this, so... I get it. It's different. And maybe she's not ready to call herself my girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably it. Yeah.

Yeah.

I flinched when the bell rang, ripping me out of my thoughts. I hesitated in getting up as I was in deep thought seconds ago. A hand was placed on my shoulder and was squeezed gently. Recognizing the familiar touch, I didn't bother looking up. Getting up from my desk and grabbing my bag, my fingers were soon intertwined with small ones.

I thought about Brady and Rita's eyes behind me, watching us as we exited the room. Holding hands like we did entering, wondering what their expressions were. Because of the conversation I and Brady had before class, he seemed uncomfortable, for some reason. Rita, well, we all know what happened. She despises Zoey and still can't take a hint. Typical for her, yet, I found myself still caring about what they thought. About us.