Where You Belong

21

"It's official, my friend, you get to go home," Derek said with a smile, having completed the discharge exam on the patient who he had operated on in the most extreme circumstances of his career.

"I can't thank you enough," Tucker responded with a smile, a tightly fit grey cap pulled over his healing head. "I thank you. My wife thanks you. Our son thanks you." He smiled down at the small baby in his arms.

"Tucker," Miranda chastised as she entered the hospital room. "Shepherd's head is already far larger than it needs to be; he doesn't need you here trying to boost his ego any further."

Derek shook his head at the snarky expression she gave him. "Dr. Bailey," he greeted formally. "I see you're in a friendly mood this morning..."

She cracked a smile.

"Dr. Shepherd deserves our gratitude, Miranda," Tucker cut in. "He saved my life; and braved a bomb scare to do so."

Derek smiled, meeting Bailey's eyes. "See. I deserved your gratitude."

She shook her head, but didn't respond to his statement. "And what's this I hear about you punching someone on the surgical floor?"

It had been three days since Mark had shown up unannounced on the Seattle Grace surgical floor. Derek had moved to Seattle to start over; to get away from his past. Addison's presence had brought out a side of him he decidedly did not like on several occasions. But Mark's appearance had left Derek with a consuming sense of anger he had never felt before. He hadn't lied to Meredith when he had told her his vision had gone red upon his eyes first landing on Mark's familiar form. And the next thing he knew he had been standing over the plastic surgeon, clutching his fist.

Derek wasn't a violent person. In fact, he was quite the opposite; he was a healer. But Mark brought out a side of him he didn't want to admit to. A side that left him angry and awkward and scared. Mark had been his brother. And in one move, he had swooped in and turned Derek's life upside down. He had trusted his wife, even if their relationship wasn't what it had once been; hadn't become what he had hoped for. He had trusted his best friend, even though he had a reputation. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight that had awaited him that fateful day.

Finding your wife in bed with your best friend did more than simply hurt you. It did more than disgust you. It did more than destroy friendships. It made you think twice about so many things. It made you distrustful, even if it was irrational. It kicked the crap out of your sense of self, your self-confidence and your self-esteem. It made you vulnerable and insecure. And Derek hated that.

He had come to Seattle a jumbled combination of what he had been, what he was trying to get back to and what he never wanted to be again. His struggle had stopped, along with his breathing, the moment he first laid eyes on her in the bar so many months before. She allowed him to be him. There was no need to try to be anything else. She accepted him, and more importantly, she loved him. She loved him. He had found that thing he hadn't even realized he had always been looking for, had always been missing.

But for a few hours, three days prior, Derek had stopped being himself. He had allowed the hatred to take over. He had allowed himself to live in the past. He had been preoccupied with his memories, with hating Addison even though he believed her when she claimed she had nothing to do with Mark's arrival, with trying to keep Mark away from his patient, and with the irrational fear that Mark would take Meredith away from him.

It wasn't that he didn't trust her. It wasn't that he didn't believe that she hadn't initiated the talk he had ended when he had sucker punched Mark right in front of her. It wasn't that he didn't believe her when she told him there would never be anyone else. It was the knowledge that Mark had taken before. It was the knowledge that Mark didn't respect those ever important boundaries. It was the knowledge that Mark had a reputation for a reason. He had talked a lot of girls into things they weren't so keen on to begin with. He was charismatic and smooth and engaging. And Derek had been consumed with the irrational fear that Meredith wouldn't be immune, no matter her intentions. However, entering the bar to find her yelling at Mark to leave her alone had definitely helped to calm his nerves.