Where You Belong

60

It was late.

Or maybe it was early.

Derek couldn't be sure.

The lack of sunlight coming through the window across the quiet room told him it was somewhere between sunset and sunrise. And he had lost track of the time he had spent sitting. Silent. Waiting.

What he was waiting for was another thing he was unsure of.

In fact, Derek wasn't sure of much.

Meredith was alive; that seemed to be the only thought he could hold onto for any length of time. She was alive. Her heart was beating. She was breathing. She was warm.

He loved her; that wasn't so much a thought as it was an irreversible constant in his life.

He needed her.

Derek had suffered loss before. He knew what it was like to lose a loved one without any warning, to have his life ripped out from under him. His unique childhood had led to a unique adulthood. He wasn't prone to taking things for granted. Material items held little meaning for him – he had learned at too early an age, and in the worst possible way, that life should be valued higher than possessions. He owned a fancy car, but much preferred his old, beat up land rover. He could be cocky at work, but he took his job seriously. Each and every patient was a person, and each was treated as such. All successes were celebrated and all losses mourned. He had been the one his family relied on, and not vice versa, so he wasn't taking that for granted.

In fact, Derek had never allowed himself to rely on anyone past a certain point, in fear of expecting that support and not receiving it. That is, until Meredith came into his life. She took away the fear of rejection and being vulnerable, and replaced it with a sense of wanting. He trusted her to be there, and he wanted to let her in.

He had fallen for her, hard and fast. She was different and unpredictable and remarkably stubborn, but she was perfect for him. She was the person he should spend the rest of his life with.

The person he should spend the rest of his life with.

Less than a week before she had been the person he would spend the rest of his life with.

But so much had changed in that week. It seemed that all the plans he had made, and all the hopes and dreams they shared, had been shattered in a desperate swipe of an arm by an injured patient.

Meredith had died.

She had been dead. Clinically dead. For hours.

Hours.

Derek had spent hours living in a world that didn't include the love of his life.

And as impossible as that thought was, it clouded his mind.

Yes, Meredith was alive well. But who knew how long she would stay that way?

He wanted more than anything to spend the rest of his life with her, to get married and start a family. He wanted to introduce her to his family, to see her be included in a way she never had before. He wanted to wear a ring that matched one on her finger. He wanted to see what their children would look like, to be there for everything, from diapers to college to grandkids.

That was Derek's dream.

And he had believed it would happen. Not that it could happen, but that it was going to happen. Derek had let himself believe that he had been through enough, that he finally deserved happiness and stability.

His father had been murdered. He had become the man of the house at far too early an age. He had been a constant support for his mother and sisters, while never asking anything in exchange. He had lost his wife and his best friend in one adulterous blow. He had lost all his close friends in his move to Seattle.