Where You Belong

57

The door opened behind him silently, but Derek felt the air of the room change, and turned to face whoever was entering the room.

"Cristina tells me she woke up?" Bailey stated more than asked.

Derek nodded. "Yeah. She was awake and talking for about five minutes."

Bailey stepped further into the trauma room, her eyes scanning the many monitors still attached to Meredith. "Was she aware of what happened?"

He nodded again. "She remembered the water," he whispered.

Miranda's hand came down on his shoulder, squeezing supportively. "She's alive, Derek, and right now, that's all that matters."

Derek turned to her, offering a smile. "Trust me, Miranda, I know that. I just...I wish she could have forgotten the water." He sighed, turning back to Meredith. "She must have been so scared," he whispered.

"You're right," she agreed. "But she'll get through it, Derek. I'm certain you'll be there for her."

He almost laughed aloud. "Of course I will."

"Good. Now, we're going to be moving her up to a room in the next hour. I just need to take some blood now, make sure everything is still functioning."

"I think she should have a head CT," he added, and then shook his head at her look. "I know I'm not her doctor, but I think it's important. And a chest x-ray, make sure none of her rib fractures have subluxed."

"If she has any rib fractures," she said warningly.

He swallowed hard. "She does."

"Derek, what did you just say about not being her doctor...?"

Meeting her eyes head on, he swallowed hard before speaking. "Trust me, Miranda, I gave her CPR for close to an hour. I..." he swallowed again. "I felt her ribs cracking under my hands."

She held his gaze for a long moment before nodding, hers eyes filled with empathy. And then she looked away, not enough for anyone watching them to notice, but enough for Derek to know she was no longer meeting his eyes head on. It was as if she was unable to allow herself to know what he had gone through, as if the memories and emotions could be transmitted through his gaze. "I'll schedule her for both tests first thing tomorrow morning. I doubt she'll be up to much tonight."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Thank you, Derek."

He was taken aback by her tone. "For what?"

"For saving her."

This time he did laugh aloud at her words. "Trust me, Miranda, I saved myself just as much as her. I can't live without here."

"Still... She's my intern, Derek. I'm responsible for her. I took her to that site."

"You had no idea this would happen."

"I was still responsible for teaching her, for making sure she would be safe."

"You didn't know she couldn't swim," he practically whispered.

Her eyes flashed at him as she shook her head and met his gaze again. "Derek Christopher Shepherd, you sound suspiciously like you're blaming yourself."

He blinked. "How do you know my middle name?"

"I know everything. Now stop avoiding the topic."

Derek sighed. "I knew she couldn't swim. I knew it, and...I promised to teach her. We planned on going away when she was done her internship, someplace with a beach." He shook his head. "I promised to teach her before we went. We were just waiting for it to be warmer first."