Where You Belong

79

Derek stared worriedly across the bedroom at his fiancée. She had barely said two words since the alarm clock had gone off that morning, though he suspected she hadn't slept anyway. Today was going to be hard.

He just hoped it wasn't going to be too hard.

First Susan's funeral and then the intern exam. It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve this.

"I'm fine, Derek," she said quietly, her back turned to him. "You can stop staring."

He smiled. "How did you know I was staring?"

She sighed. "I can feel it." She was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in black, pulling on her panty hose.

He stepped around the bed and sat beside her, one arm snaking around her waist. "I can't help it sometimes. You're beautiful."

The look she gave him nearly broke his heart. Her eyes were so...defeated. She placed a hand on his chest and gently shook her head. "No."

"No?"

"You can't do this. Not today."

He nodded, understanding. She didn't want him to try and make her feel better. "Okay," he agreed, pressing his lips to the side of her head.

"Thank you."

Derek stood and moved back to the other said of the room to fish his black shoes out of the closet.

He and Meredith were going in to the hospital for a few hours before heading over to the funeral. Meredith, hopefully, would be able to study with her friends. He would round on his patients.

After finally finding his second shoe, Derek moved to the mirror and began to tie his black tie. He hated ties; especially black ones. They reminded him of his father's funeral.

"You really don't have to come with me."

His brow furrowed, he turned to see Meredith standing now, facing him, still on the far side of the bed.

He nodded. "Yes, I do. That's what you do when you're in a relationship." They had had this conversation before. Meredith didn't seem to be able to grasp the reason he was coming with her.

"But..."

He sighed and moved away from the mirror, the black tie hanging haphazardly around his neck. "No buts, Meredith. If it were me, you'd come with me, right?"

"But it's not you," she whispered, her eyes on the ground. "It's me. It's always me."

He reached a hand to her chin, forcing her gaze up to meet his. "It's not always you, Meredith. You've been there for me every time I've needed you."

"I don't want to be an obligation." Her voice was so broken it made his chest ache.

"You are not an obligation. I love you. I want to be with you today." He shook his head. "None of this is your fault."

"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered, looking down again.

"That's why I'll be there with you."

Her eyes flickered back to his on their own power, and for a moment he thought she was going to say something.

His brow furrowed as he suddenly wondered if he had misinterpreted her words.

"Meredith..."

She shook her head. "We have to go."

Still worried, he nodded. "Okay." Today was not the day to push any issues. He offered her a smile. "Can you help me with my tie?"