Where You Belong

25

Meredith's mind was full when she made her way back down to the cardiac floor to meet her resident in Denny Duquette's room. It had been an interesting morning, dodging Bailey's comments and trying to discreetly make light of Izzy's tendency to 'drop by' the room at every opportunity. She had laughed it off when, weeks ago, Alex had told her that Izzy had ditched him for a heart patient.

Now she wasn't so sure.

It had been a busy few weeks for Meredith. She had been spending all her spare time with Derek; getting used to their new living arrangements, planning a weekend trip to New York and freaking out about spending said weekend in New York. Needless to say, she hadn't given a thought to going to her roommate to confirm Alex's accusations. But there was obviously something more going on between Izzy and Denny than regular patient-doctor interactions

Now she would have to keep covering for Izzy with their resident, keep freaking out about the following weekend, and mull over her lunch-time conversation with Derek. She hadn't expected to find him grumpy and irritable when she had ordered lunch and headed for his office. And she certainly hadn't expected their conversation to delve as deep as it had after finding him in such a mood. He was normally such a bright and cheerful person, and they rarely, if ever, talked like they had today.

They talked regularly, and about a lot of things. She had told him much about her life as the daughter of Ellis Grey. He had told her about losing his father as a child. She had told him about the loneliness of being an only child. He had told her about the 'joys' of having four sisters. They had discussed college and med-school and their reasons for becoming surgeons. He had told her about Addison. She had told him about the voice in her head that had kept her from making any commitments before. They told each other about their days. And they talked lightly about their future together.

They exchanged 'I love yous' daily.

But the only 'what if' they had ever discussed before today regarded what their lives would be like had Derek made the wrong decision, leaving him with Addison, and Meredith alone. And it had been months since that had come up between them. Thanksgiving was the last time Meredith could distinctly remember mulling over the idea. Derek had convinced her he was happy, and she had let it go.

The other 'what ifs,' however, had never breached their conversations, or Meredith's thoughts. They didn't discuss how their relationship would have progressed had they known that first night they would be working together. And they had certainly never talked about pregnancy and children; past, current or future.

Meredith had accepted that Derek was planning on sticking around. She had accepted that they would eventually move out of her mother's house and into one of their own. She had accepted that he was the kind of man who wanted a marriage; he wanted the official commitment and the wedding rings and the titles. And Meredith was okay with that; in fact, she was more than okay with that. She was looking forward to it...eventually. One day they would get married. She wasn't ready now, but she would be one day. And he was willing to wait. He loved her; she had accepted that. He would be her family; she had accepted that. His family would be her family; she had mostly accepted that. He promised her that she would be better able to accept that after the following weekend.

One day, she and Derek would be family and they would build a life together; she had accepted that.

Or, at least, she thought she had.

As an idea, everything was fine. In small, eventual steps, everything was fine. She was fine with the idea of moving out together, the idea of getting married one day, the idea of flying across the country to meet his family the following weekend. But the idea of kids... That made it real. That was a huge jump.