Ashton was always right and I knew that, I was nothing without him.
I would look at my phone to see him freaking out and crying, i would unblock him and leave him on read just to fuck with him this is proably bad but i wanted him to suffer.
But I had no friends, no money, I was nothing.
I needed Ashton to survive. I don't know why I was being so naive to myself, to think I could ever live without him.
I dont even know who i am without him, i lost my personality after i ran away and my whole life just became being Ashtons girlfriend, now i dont know who the fuck i am.
My whole relationship with him convinced myself love is pain, and i told myself what we had was normal but it wasn't.
Not looking or talking to each other for practically years, cheating on each other because we needed human affection to just tell each other we loved each other and acted stupid.
I kept reading his texts over and over. Three days worth of texts is a lot, my phone is at 3% and I couldn't get myself to stop reading them. He seemed genuine and it hurt because I knew he wasn't, he never was.
Loving Ashton is the worst pain I could ever describe.
back to sad rae :(
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insufferable - AFI
Fanfiction"how can a love as true as hers be returned only half as strong as she gave" - @lukeisntreal on twitter Love is pain, or at least that's what they always say. But that would be an understatement Because loving Ashton Irwin is insufferable.
