insufferable - AFI

12 years

12 years...

I dated Ashton Irwin for 12 years.

It started off fun we were 15 and madly in love, we would sneak into each other's rooms in the middle of the night and go to crazy parties. He would take me to classes being late to his own and we would sit on the bleachers for hours while my sister was at practice.

We did this for a while and it worked for us, it worked well.

When Ashton was 17 he got the offer to move to London and tour with one direction as their opening act. He begged me not to go, he told me I had to finish school but I couldn't leave him. So in the middle of the night, I left I packed all my stuff and left with him.

And our relationship grew to be the healthiest it ever was, we had fun. We went partying all the time, went on cute dates, and had Ashton and Raelynn time everything was perfect.

until 2015.

in the blink of an eye, this beautiful relationship me and Ashton created fell apart in seconds. one minute we had a fun morning the next I was in a hospital bed and Ashton walked out on me.

not only did he walk out he stopped loving me that day.

he stopped kissing me and fucking me, eventually not even touching me which grew to not watching to look in my eyes and then my general direction.

He told me to stay from shows every night and not go to parties or events with him.

he thought he was slick, he thought I would see the glitter on his clothes or smell the shitty perfume or see the hickeys on his neck.

he thought u wouldn't find the hairs that were every color but blonde on his clothes.

he thought u wouldn't find the condom wrappers in his pockets.

it took me a year after I found out before I cheated on him, I went out and got drunk and just fucked the first guy I saw.

I mean a year without sex, I had so much built-up horniness I couldn't contain it.

I felt guilty as fuck but I also liked it and I forgot how fucking good sex was.

I tried making an effort with Ashton I really really tried but he wouldn't let me back in.

so I gave up, I gave up on me, and Ashton and I fucked other guys.

I wanted to leave him, trust me I did but I couldn't.

because I was nothing without him.

no friends, no money, no home. NOTHING.

we loved each other, or I loved him, or maybe I loved the old version of him if that was even real.

a thing with Ashton is I don't know what was real, was 15-year-old Ashton real? was he actually this disgusting fucking bitch the whole time?

I don't know and I never will.

after 12 years I finally left, I was done.

I didn't care what I had and what I didn't and I didn't about who I knew I wanted out.

so one night after a huge fight I left as always and Ashton texted me a million times and called but I was done.

I didn't want to talk to him because I knew if I did I would melt in his arms again and crawl right back into his bullshit.

I told Michael to tell Ashton and he told me how fucking proud he was of me.

I blocked Ashton everywhere and only stayed in contact with Michael, everytime Ashton would get a new phone number Michael would give it to me so I could block it.

because he fucking cared about me and didn't want to watch me destroy myself over someone as fucking selfish as him.

I never told Michael about Trevor's though, in fact, Michael doesn't know much about my life after Ashton.

he knows I'm alive and that's all.

he tells me about the band and about his wife and I'm totally okay with that.

I wasted 12 years loving Ashton Irwin and let me fucking tell you they were insufferable.

OKAY YIKESSSSS
so yeah ur not prepared at all. i have a few more chapters left and then that's it for good :(((
but keep ur eyes out kiddos, more stuff is to come with the insufferable gang.