insufferable - AFI

fell apart

2015

I layed on the bed next to Ashton, he was sitting on his phone and I couldn't stop looking at him.

He was so perfect.

"take a picture it will last longer" the boy smiled at me looking up from his phone and I looked down, I stared at him a lot even when we were teenagers.

"Shut up" I rolled my eyes and hit his shoulder and he smiled bigger, "it's cute when you do that" he moved closer to me, losing his phone completely and moving his leg on top of me sitting on my stomach.

I had the worst pain I've ever experienced.

"ow, holy fuck!" I screamed, making Ashton jump off me and look at me concerned.

"Shit Rae are you okay?" The boy panicked as I clutched my stomach, still feeling like I'm dying. I couldn't speak, I just shook my head.

Ashton got off the bed and picked me up, tears sliding down my face and I put my face in his chest trying not to scream.

as he carried me out of the room and I got one look at the bed before we left.

it was covered in blood.

I knew what this was I want stupid, I mean I didn't even know I was pregnant let alone having a miscarriage.

Ash carefully placed me in his car getting the blood all over his hand but he didn't care, he ran around the car and jumped in himself.

I couldn't even look at him, I was too weak and my tears blurred my vision. Eventually, I could talk a little, but I still felt like I was dying.

"You know what this is right?" I asked him slowly, looking at my jeans, seeing the huge red stain on them.

"y-yeah" he stuttered, I wish I could see his face or have enough strength to say something to him, but I don't.

after what felt like forever of Ashton speeding his car trying not to kill us both in the process.

Eventually, the car stopped "stay here" he put his hand on my thigh quickly before getting up and screaming for help.

"someone! My girlfriend! she's umm fuck! she's having! baby blood! dying! help!" he was just screaming random words that came to his head. I looked up when I felt his hand on my shoulder. He had blood on his face which I'm assuming was from his wiping his face.

"I'm here, it's okay everything is going to be okay," he told me and I couldn't speak, I wish I could.

"I'm right here and I'm not leaving, it's going to be okay," he told me once again and I just cried.

moments later a bunch of nurses and doctors came and someone pulled me out of the car but I was in too much pain to open my eyes and see.

I don't remember much of what happened later, I just remember the pain I felt it was a new sensation I've never felt like a cramp but times 1000, I never wished that pain upon anyone.

The bleeding stopped a few hours ago and so did the pain. I was still in a lot of pain but not even half as bad as earlier.

Me and Ashton didn't talk, he was holding my hand and crying, I felt like shit for doing this to him, I didn't even know.

And now he had witnessed me lose his child. Neither of us knew it existed. I had a feeling I was but I thought maybe if I didn't take a test it would go away and I would get my period.

and it did go away

Not in the way I hope though, even if I did know I don't know if I would have kept it I mean me and Ashton are so young, but I would never want to lose it.

"Did you know?" Ashton said after hours of silence and I shook my hands, "i-i had a feeling but I was too scared" I told him playing with his hand in mine.

"So you did know?" he said, his voice angrier, "I didn't know Ash", my voice cracking tears filling up in my eyes.

"why didn't you tell me?" he scolded, "I was two months late Ashton I'm not just going to tell you!" I said my voice a little louder, not being able to yell.

I was in so much pain, emotionally and physically and I didn't need him to yell at me. He yelled at me for hours in that hospital room, and that's how Ashton Irwin became Ashton Irwin.

After that our relationship fell apart, and our lives fell apart.

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so hopefully this gives a lil closure on why ash was a piece of shit