insufferable - AFI

rachel

ASHTONS POV

not having Rae made me do a lot of digging, why did i do it all?

i mean i know why i did it but if i ever told her she would think i'm 10 times more a dick then i already was. I wish I had told her.

i wish i told her sooner, maybe she would be in my arms right now.

After Rae I tried to move on, I dated a few girls but no one was the same, and I didn't want to waste anyone's time. until I met her.

Rachel

it was a blind date, she had beautiful long blonde hair, and a perfectly arched nose, the most
beautiful soft skin.

she looked just like Raelynn

and i know it's wrong but i couldn't help it, Rae was my only chance at happiness and i lost her forever so i found the next best thing and settled.

We got married a few years later, and I was happy. or at least i thought i was, we created a cute life ourselves and we even had a ki-

"Daddy!" My thoughts were cut off by my daughter running into the room. I put my pen down and turned around with my open arms.

"How was the game?" I asked the little girl who stood in my arms while kissing her cheek. She wasn't into music like me, we tried but she was always more a sports kid which was shocking because neither me or Rachel had an athletic bone.

She was the splitting image of her mother and almost identical to Rae.

I looked back at the little girl who still stood in my arms. She was wearing her soccer uniform and covered in mud, "I got a goal daddy!" she yelled a grin growing on her face.

"I'm so proud of you!" I smiled at the small child giving her a high five, "it was so fun daddy!" she yelled once again my smile just growing bigger.

"I'm so proud of you, I promise I'll be at your next game okay?" i reassured her and she smiled and nodded "go get cleaned up before your mum gets mad" i told her as she giggled up the stairs.

I got up and walked down the hallway to be met by my wife.

I smiled walking behind her wrapping my arms around her waist resting at the top of her baby bump, my head resting on her shoulder.

one thing i made sure with Rachel was i made sure i touched her, i would kiss her and hug her, hold her hand and show her i loved her.

"How was she?" i asked her, "she wanted you there" she hummed still paying attention to the mail she was reading.

"I promise i'll go to the next one okay?" i said and all she did was nod, "i think i have a name idea for her '' she said referring to our new daughter she was carrying.

"go on?"

"one of the moms at the game suggested it and i thought it was so pretty i've never heard it before." she smiled, turning around to face me.

"Raelynn" she smiled at me and my face went blank, i never told her about Rae i mean she knew some things just from the media over the years but we never talked about her.

I just looked at her and didn't reply. I could see her face start to fall but I couldn't do anything. My life was so close to perfect and I was not naming my daughter after her.

and on the anniversary too.

"Absolutely not" i replied going to explain myself further but when i opened my mouth Rayne screamed for her mum.

Rachel walked upstairs to go assist our daughter and told me we would continue this later.

And on the anniversary too, the universe is trying to taunt me, I swear, on one of the most traumatic days of my life and she wants me to name my daughter after her.

My mind was spiraling and I was seeing flashbacks from that morning, thinking about that day made my heart ache.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket to see an unknown number was calling me, so I picked it up.

"Ashton Irwin?" she asked me, i couldn't tell where she was but it was loud.

"Who's asking?"

"St Joseph's hospital, you were set as the emergency contact for a Raelynn Carter?'' The woman told me, after all these years I was still her emergency contact. It shocked me honestly.

"I-Uh- Is she okay?" I couldn't even speak, my brain was not functioning, why would they be calling me? Obviously she was hurt but me?

"I'm sorry to inform you mister Irwin, but Ms. Carter has passed away." she informed me, her voice soft enough to try to comfort but that didn't help.

"no!" i yelled "no your fucking lying!" i screamed at her my head couldn't even process it, Rae can't be dead there's no way.

My Rae? my Rae can't be dead.

i'm supposed to kiss her one more time before either of us die, i was supposed to see her one last time.

"I'm so sorry Mr.Irwin, but she did in fact pass, she got in an accident and there was nothing anyone could do" she stated, Rae isn't dead! a few years ago i saw her! in my apartment! and now she's gone? no way.

no fucking way

I didn't say anything for a few seconds. I just sobbed. I laid my back against the wall. I was crying so much I couldn't support myself.

my brain wasn't letting it sink in.

Raelynn is dead.

welp.