4★town | DDLC au | PLEASE READ THE INFO CHAPTER!

{Act 1}Hanging Out With Taeyoung

Tw! Angst ig and mention of depression.

It's already Sunday. I've been getting anxious about Tae's upcoming visit. I keep telling myself there's no reason to be nervous, but it doesn't help much. Tae is clearly an introvert and also an intimate person in general there's no doubt he'll open up a little bit when it's just the two of us. Meanwhile, we've been texting occasionally he was extremely apprehensive at first, but it wasn't long before I was already learning more about him. But putting Tae aside... I haven't heard a thing from T since he left the club early the other day. It's not like we text each other all the time or anything... but I've been worried about him in the back of my mind between what T said, and what Jesse said... is it really okay for me to put T's feelings aside when he might need me? I decide to visit T before Tae comes over. Rather than simply tell him "I'm coming over", much like we've done in the past once I reach T's house, I knock on the door. Again, we used to play so often that we've made it a habit of simply entering each other's houses like we were family the house is quiet. T isn't anywhere on the first floor, so I assume he's up in his room. It's already strange of him to not run down and greet me I head up to his bedroom, where I finally find him. "T?" He walks up to mr "Hi Z~" I sit down in his room. T forces a smile, but it's easy to tell that he's different. There's a minute if silence between us. "You haven't come over like this in a long time, have you?" T speaks breaking the silence "Ah...I guess you're right. It has been a long time not much has really changed, has it?" T's room is as messy as it's always been. I also recognize the same stuffed animals and wall decorations that he's had for years now. "Ehehe~ if you came over more often, it wouldn't be such a mess" "That's because I end up cleaning it for you..." T looks at me with a confused look of some kind. "How come you suddenly wanted to come over today? Aren't you supposed to see Tae today?" "Yeah, but...wait, how did you know that?" T had already left by the time we decided that last meeting. "Jesse told me it's only natural for him to keep me informed about the festival preparations, right?" He smiles "Ah, that's true... but what about you? Aren't you going to be helping Jesse today?" ""Of course! But I'm just helping him online we didn't plan to meet up or anything" he says. "Ah, so it's just me and Tae, then..." "Yep~" He still smiles. There's now more silence between us. T stares in a random direction. Everything about his behavior is really uncharacteristic. I finally get to the point. "I just...wanted to see how you were doing after you left on Friday. When something's wrong, you can't hide it from me I know you too well so..." T smiles, shaking his head. "That's no good, Z" "Eh?" I was confused "Why can't it just be like it's always been? This is all my fault. If I didn't get so weak and accidentally express my feelings... if I didn't make that stupid mistake... then you wouldn't have been worried about me at all. You wouldn't have come here you wouldn't have been thinking about me right now. But this...is just my punishment, isn't it? I'm getting punished for being so selfish. I think that's why the world decided to have you come over today. It just wants to torture me ehehe~" He still looks happy but I know he really isn't. "T!" I grap T by the shoulders. "What on Earth are you saying?! Are you listening to yourself right now? I know something happened to you. There's no other explanation for you to be like this so tell me, already...! Until I know, I won't be able to stop thinking about it." "Ah...Ahaha..." T gives me an empty smile. "You really put me in a trap, Z but...you're wrong. Nothing happened to me. I've always been like this you're just seeing it for the first time" T says. "Seeing what? What are you talking about, T?" He only closes his eyes and smiles a bit more. "Ehehe~ you're really just going to make me say it, aren't you, Z? I guess I have no choice this time" He opens his eyes. "The thing is... I've had really bad depression my whole life. Dod you know that? Why do you think I'm late to school every day? Because most days, I can't even find a reason to get out of bed. What reason is there to do anything when I fully know how worthless I am? Why go to school? Why eat? Why make friends? Why make other people put their energy and caring to waste by having them spend it on me? That's what it feels like. And that's why I just want to make everyone happy... without anyone worrying about me." I stare at him "..." I'm in shock. I can't figure out how to respond. How is it possible that t kept this from me the entire time that I've known him? Did he really want so badly for me to just not think about him? "...Why, T?" "Eh...?" "Why is I that you've never told me about this? It almost feels like I've been betrayed as your close friend. Because if I knew, I would have done everything I could to support you! Even if there's only so much that I could do... I would have tried a little bit harder to make every day a little better for you.  That's why I'm your friend! All you and to do was tell me!" His smile disappears fully after all I had just said. "You don't understand at all, Z why do you think I didn't tell you? Because if I told you, then you would have to waste effort caring about me instead or doing important things. I don't want to be cared about it's bittersweet, when people try to care about me it feels nice sometimes. But it also feels like a bat being swung against my head. Ahaha~ that's why I wanted so badly for you to make friends with everyone else... helping everyone together is the best thing for me. But then, I discovered something else, too. Seeing you make friends and getting closer with everyone in the club... it feels like a spear going through my heart. So, that's why that's why I decided the world just wants to torture me. Every path leads to nothing but hurt. Ahaha~" Why was he still smiling... "You're right that I don't understand... I don't understand your feelings at all, T. But I don't need to understand whatever it takes for me to help you stop hurting...that's what I'll do" he looks at me "No, Z there's nothing. Nothing at all the only thing that could have helped is if everything could be like it always was. But I was selfish I finally showed you what a horrible person I am" Tears streak down T's face. I made you join the literature club because I was selfish. And I was punished by my heart hurting in a way I couldn't understand and now you cane here and I made you hurt, too I'm just weak and selfish. That's all I am and that's why I am going to accept these punishments because I deserve every last one...!" He starts to cry more.. without thinking, I once again grab T's shoulders this time, I pull him into a tight embrace. "A-Ah— Z..." "T. I don't care if you feel selfish I'm really happy that you convinced me to join the club. Seeing you every day makes it worthwhile enough if I make friends with everyone else, then that's just a bonus. But please never underestimate how much I care about you. I wouldn't have it any other way" "Z..." T isn't hugging me back. Despite my arms being wrapped around him, T's arms remain at his sides. He starts sobbing next to my ear. "No... don't do this...to me... please don't do this...Z...I..." T barely manages to speak between his sobs. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. But all I want is for him to know that I care. "If you have it in you to call yourself selfish, then you have to let me be selfish too. No matter what it takes, I'll figure out what needs to change. I'll make these feelings go away and if there's anything that you need me to do... then you'd better tell me I'll get made if you don't." "...I...don't know...I don't know...I don't know." Gently, T finally puts his arms around me in return. "I don't know anything. It's all really scary...I don't understand any of my feelings, Z... the only time I'm not feeling nothing is when I'm feeling pain. But...your hugs are so warm...and that's really scary, too" T let's me go. As he does so, I let him go as well. Tears are still on his face. "The festival is tomorrow" "Yeah..." "It's going to be fun, right?" "Yeah" He says still looking at the opposite side of his room. "How would you like for me to spend it all with you?" "U-Um..." His eyes launch back at me "Ah—" "It's what I want I promise" "I...I think that would be nice, then..." "Yeah" T wipes his eyes. If I could spend the whole day here, I would "Of all days, this has to be the one where I have other plans... maybe I should cancel—" "No, don't —! Please don't...if you did that...then I really wouldn't forgive you" "But...it's almost time for Tae to meet me at my house...at the very least, do you want to come along and help out. It would be fun" To my surprise, T shakes his head. "I'm sorry I don't know of that would be very good for me today. You understand, right?" "Ah...it's kind of hard for me to fully understand. But I'm trying my hardest" "It's okay. Don't worry too much about it. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?' He smiles at me. "...Alright. I look forward to it"

I say goodbye to T and exit his house. On the way home, I find myself still feeling uneasy. But it's hard for me to keep thinking about it when Tae is about to come over, too... I think T is right. I shouldn't be worrying too much, and we're definitely going to have a great time tomorrow. I should just focus on what's ahead of me! As I approach my house, I see something that makes me feel a moment of panic. "Tae—?" Tae's head turns to look at me. "Ah... thanks goodness..." "You're a little early... I'm sorry I wasn't home yet! We're you waiting for a long time?" I asked "No, I just got here but I started to get really nervous when nobody answered the doorbell..." "You always could have texted me. If I had known, I would have reassured you and hurried more on my way home" He looks at the ground. "Ah...I suppose that's true...I didn't think of that... for some reason" it should be common sense to do that, but I decide to ignore it "Anyway...let's go inside. I see you brought stuff with you" "That's right. And did you manage to find everything I asked you to by as well?" "Yeah, pretty much at least, I hope I got everything right." "I'm sure it will be fine" I take Tae to my room. The first thing he does is glance around curiously, which makes me feel anxious. "It's so clean..." He says. "Ahaha...I cleaned it before you came over, so..." "That's very considerate of you to do." "Ah, no...I would be really embarrassed if my room to be a mess while you were here" I say "Hmmm...Well, I do enjoy cleaning...I would have gladly helped you clean." "Ah— that would be even more embarrassing! Wait, don't look in there—!" I snatch Tae's wrist, which was in process of opening a desk drawer of mine. "A-Ah... I'm sorry...! I wasn't thinking for some reason...I was just spacing out!" He says embarrassed. "It's fine, it's fine..." I let go of Tae's wrist. He puts both of his hands firmly in his lap, as making sure he's keeping track of them. "So, um...should we get started?" "Ah...yes... um, I have a few things planned that you can help with... decorations and other atmospheric enhancements." I stare at him "Atmospheric enhancements...?" "You know...mood lighting, aromatherapy candles..." "Oh, wow I didn't know you planned on taking it that far." He smiles "Of course. I want to help take our guest to a faraway place. Although many will stop by just out of curiosity...and for...cupcakes, I guess...I'm determined to provide an experience that will leave them wanting more" "That's great. It's easy to forget that you're a pretty intense person." He stares not talking for a second. "Ah— intense...?" "I guess that's thr best way to put it" "it that...a bad thing?" He frowns his eyebrows a sad ish way. Not a mad way. "No, not at all. It's something that I like about you, actually" still having the same eyebrow expression he smiles. "I-Is that so...? That makes me feel relieved...and kind of happy..." "Yeah, no need to be so anxious. You can relax a little" "Relax...I brought some things for relaxation. I was going to use them during the poetry event..." Tae says. "Oh yeah? Like what?" "Let's see..." Tae rummages through his bag. He pulls out out few candles and a wooden cylinder-shaped object. I did some shopping on the way here, so I happen to have these in my bag. I planned to cover the windows in black paper and use the candles to light the room. I think that would be amazing, don't you?" "Yeah, that would be really neat" "What's that wooden thing, though?" "Oh, this? It's a diffuser for essential oils. How familiar are you with aromatherapy?" "Not familiar at all..." "Ah, is that so? It's one kf my favorite contributors to a positive atmosphere. Depending on the oikd or herbs you choose, you can change the mood of the air itself. You can even feel it permeate through your body. Relaxation, positive energy, romance, reflection...it's almost like magic." Tae takes the cylinder and pushes the switch on the bottom. In just a moment, a thin ray of vapor begins to spout through a small hole on the top. "Wow, that smells wonderful. What kind of mood is that one for?" "This is a Jasmine essential oil. It smells a little sweet and flowery, right?" "Yeah, that's a good way to describe it." "I chose Jasmine for the event because it provides more than relaxation. Jasmine enhances your emotions and helps you feel them flow through your body. You feel warmer, and your heart pounds more heavily. Don't you think that will be perfect for sharing our poems?" "It does sound suitable..."

(Y'all I have been sitting on my butt for too long and ima just leave this chapter here and make the next one and when it is done I'll call it a day-)
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Words: 2657

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter bye, bye~!