History

18. I Have To

I pulled up in my usual parking spot just around the corner from work only to be met by the one person I didn't want to see at that particular moment.

Not because I hate her, not because she's horrible. 

She's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

And I'm about to ruin it all.

God, I ruin everything, don't I...

I have to act normal. Just until I've got this over and done with.

She slowly approached my car and rested her arm on the top of my open window, leaning in slightly.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the internal battle.

"Do you know why I've stopped you today ma'am?" Logan said, trying to be serious.

"I'm not sure, why don't you tell me," I replied, going along with it.

She sighed, "You've committed a serious offence ma'am, I'm afraid there'll be major consequences for your actions."

"Oh really? What was the offence?" I attempted to smirk.

"Well, I'm not sure if you're aware, but it's illegal to drive while looking so sexy. You'll cause an accident." She said, keeping a straight face.

Okay, I was not expecting that. 

I blushed, "My apologies, I wasn't aware of that. What are you gonna do about it?"

"I may just have to take you home with me." She sighed again.

"Oh no, what a shame," I smirked, genuinely this time.

She looked around before leaning in the window, kissing me briefly.

That was probably the last time she'll ever kiss me.

I swallowed all my feelings and kept up my happy act.

"You are something else." I smiled.

"Come on Pegs let's go in before you get a full record." She replied, wiggling her eyebrows.

I rolled the window up and got out of the car, "Come on then gorgeous."

"Lead the way, my love." She gestured for me to go first.

That's a new one.

Probably the first and only time I'll ever hear it.

We reached the staff door and I tried not to let my heart break from the realisation that this is the last time it will ever be okay between us.

I'm doing this for both of us. 

I can't stay whilst the three of them are here.

I need to let Logan get on with her life and forget about me.

Hopefully, by the time I come back, Angela and Lauren will have forgotten all about me. 

I've just gotta do it like a band-aid. Quick and painless.

Who am I kidding, this won't be painless at all.

I spent most of the day zoning out, thinking about all the different scenarios in my head.

What if I didn't leave and what if I did this instead.

But they all lead to the same conclusion, Logan getting hurt.

Clearly, I'm just not good enough for her. I keep hurting her.

From not making my mind up to not telling her about my deal with Lauren.

Even if she doesn't know about it, it's still hurting her.

God, this is it...

I left the door open earlier so that the class doesn't have to wait outside. 

I can't bear to look at Logan's face. 

Eventually, I made my way into the classroom. Everyone was already seated so that's good.

I put my stuff down at my desk and stood at the front of the class. 

"I need to talk to you all about something." Oh god, here we go.

My eyes met hers for a split second and that was all I needed for my heart to break.

"I'm leaving."

"In December."

I still couldn't look at her but I could see her zoning out in my peripheral vision. 

Someone raised their hand to speak, "Where are you going?" 

"I'm temporarily transferring schools but I will be back in a year. So you probably won't see me after I leave unless you enrol into sixth form."

Which luckily my job as the head is still saved for me.

After a few more questions and letting everyone chat amongst themselves I turned my attention to Logan.

I watched her face grow angrier by the second, her hands balled in a fist.

"Logan?"

"Logan?"

"Logi?"

"Do not call me that," She growled, causing me to flinch.

I knelt beside her desk, attempting to speak.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you..." I whispered.

"Stop."

"I tried, I just couldn't." I pleaded.

"Stop it." She hissed.

"Please Logi."

"I said, do not call me that," She growled again, staring me dead in the eye.

Then something changed.

Her face relaxed completely and her eyes softened.

I had hope for a second but then I saw nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

She was emotionless.

"Logan..."

She looked away from me.

"I'm done with you." She said blank-faced, not bothering to look back.

I can't take this anymore.

I stood up and returned to my desk, placing my head in my hands.

I must have been in a trance because when I lifted my head, there were only 15 minutes left of the lesson.

Logan was packing her stuff.

Please don't go.

She stormed out of the classroom seconds later, not even bothering to glance at me.

"You can all leave early." I attempted to smile before following her out of the room.

I tried my best to catch up with her even though I knew where she would be.

I don't know what I'm going to say to her if she lets me but I have got to think of something.

I can't just let it end like this. I'm still here for another six weeks or so.