History

20. Goodbye

Today's the day.

The last day I'll ever see her.

We've spent the past six weeks trying to ignore what was coming.

But we can't ignore it anymore.

Why did I have to go and fall in love with my student?

I got out of my car, walking over to Logan who was standing opposite me.

It's obvious she's hurting. Even if she tries to hide it by looking down.

I can hate myself for it later, for now, I just want to make the most of what time I have left.

We walked to the staff entrance in silence, neither one of us having the energy to speak.

I pulled her into a hug. I wish I could freeze time and stay like this forever.

I wish I could tell her how much I love her.

I wish I could stay.

But I can't.

"I'll see you at break." I attempted to smile.

The few classes I had was a blur, I just let the students do whatever they wanted, seeing as it was the last day before the Christmas holidays.

Also because my heart was shattering into a million pieces.

The bell finally rang for break and I was going to get up to look for Logan but I know she's just down the corridor.

It's like I can feel where she is.

She knocked on the door right on cue.

"Come in."

She entered my office, closing the door behind her.

I brushed past her to close the blind, making sure to lock the door.

"I've got something for you," She said, taking something out of her pocket and holding it behind her back.

"Ooo what is it?" I squealed excitedly.

I do love a gift.

"Close your eyes."

I closed my eyes as she placed whatever it is in my hand.

"Alright, you can look." She said, standing awkwardly in front of me.

I opened my eyes, gasping at the sight, "Oh my god, I love him!"

I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her. This is so thoughtful it almost convinced me to stay.

"It's Alfred." She explained.

I tutted, "I know it's Alfred."

"So you like it then?" She asked, pulling away from the hug.

"I love it. Thank you, Logi." I smiled, softly kissing her on the cheek.

"I have something for you too."

She furrowed her brows in confusion.

"Close your eyes."

"Do I have to?" She whined.

"Yes."

She hesitantly closed her eyes, waiting for me to do something.

I leaned in and placed the necklace over her shoulders, my hands brushing her ears ever so slightly.

"I'm really gonna miss you, Logan," I whispered, holding her cheek with my hand before gently placing my lips upon hers.

I sighed, pulling away, "Okay, you can open your eyes now."

She slowly opened them, investigating my gift.

It had a leather strap and a little wood pendant hanging at the bottom.

"It's a bear. I saw it and it reminded me of you. You know because Yogi Bear, it sounds like Logi... and obviously you're my Logi Bear." I waffled.

God, what is wrong with me...

"You're so gay." I smiled.

I looked down sheepishly, gently nudging her shoulder, "Shut up you, I'm not usually sappy..."

She guided my face up with her hand to look her in the eye.

"Thank you, it's perfect. Bit like you." She grinned.

I couldn't help the blush that crept up my neck. Especially when she took my hand and kissed my knuckles.

What a gentlelady.

"So Pelessaria Lois, What happens now?" She asked, still holding my hand.

"Well, maybe I could finally take you out on a date?" I smiled.

I hope to god she says yes...

"I dunno, I'll have to check my schedule." She smirked.

I shook my head, chuckling, "You are despicable."

"You love it really." She brought me in to kiss her one last time.

As soon as our lips touched my heart somehow broke even more. I'm not going to have this with anyone else. No one can make me feel how she does.

And I'm throwing it all away out of fear.

I felt a tear make its way down our faces, trust me to cry at a time like this.

The bell rang once again, tearing us apart. God, I wish we could stay here forever.

"I'll see you," I said through a fake smile.

"You better."

"Goodbye Pellesaria Lois." She smiled, before opening the door and disappearing off to class one last time.

Goodbye Logan Gray.

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The bell rang for assembly and the students made their way into the hall for the annual Christmas assembly.

I hope no one notices the state I'm in...

I watched Logan sit in the back row, the seat beside her almost begging to be taken.

Wouldn't be fair to say no to that.

I snagged the seat before bitch ass Rowan could get there. I saw how she was eyeing it up.

It's the hardest thing in the world to keep your hands off someone you love when you know you're not going to see them for a very long time.

I didn't even need to memorise every detail of her face because I have been doing it since the day I met her.

Assembly was over before I could even consider telling her I love her.

I shouldn't, it's not fair on her.

Besides she probably doesn't feel the same.

I can't be in here anymore.

I was getting dangerously close to changing my mind.

And we all know I can't.

I made my way through the sea of students and out the door.

If she finds me now, I'm never letting her go.

For her sake, I hope she doesn't.

I'm no good for her, I'll only end up hurting her and that would break me.

If losing her now saves me the pain of losing her in a few years time then so be it.

I can live with that right now.

And I can sleep at night knowing Lauren will keep her hands off her.

She's better off without me in her life.

I'm doing the right thing, right?