Helluva Distraction

Chapter 2

The building seemed barren, the hallways barely lit with old light fixtures that buzzed loudly at your arrival. You quietly made your way through the maze-like corridor before finding yourself standing in front of an untrustworthy elevator that made your stomach drop. Your eyes fixed on the golden plate that was screwed into the wall that labeled what was on each floor, I.M.P was on level three. You took a deep breath and pressed your finger against the button, summoning the elevator down. The doors dinged cheerily before they stretched open, inviting you inside.

Once in the elevator shaft you flipped open your file once again, staring down at your facts. You scoured the page in hopes to find information on who killed you, but there was none. Once the doors opened once again you slammed the file shut and quickly strode your way into the vacant hall, relieved that you hadn't gotten stuck inside of the elevator. Just down to the left was a brighter light peering from a doorway, it stuck out to you amongst its dust covered neighbors. You collected yourself and made your way toward the business, your ears slowly picking up the sound of people murmuring beyond the door.

"The eels are a good investment, I don't understand why the fuck you don't see that, Moxxie!" a voice yelled beyond the threshold. You stood in front of the door staring at a sloppily written note that stated, 'in a meeting' followed by a crooked smiley face. You contemplated waiting in the hall or maybe coming back another time but before you could make your choice a loud THUD came from inside the door causing you to audibly gasp aloud.

"Do we have an appointment with a client? Who the fuck is-" the door flew open. Standing before you was a tall devil with yellow eyes. His horns were long and curved back from his head. He wore a black suit and gloves to match. White markings speckled one side of his face and different pieces of his body from what you could see. He adorned a wicked yet seductively sharp smile. A black symbol was in the center of his forehead. You took in every characteristic of him that you could before you could mutter up the words to speak.

"Hello?" His voice focused on you.

"I-I'm sorry...I don't uh..have an appointment. I really don't know how this whole thing works I..." you clutched your folder deeper into your chest, the only thing bringing you any comfort.

"No problem! Come in!" he smiled, pulling you into the office and slamming the door behind you.

Your eyes adjusted to the changing brightness of the lights and you took in the other beings around you. Two shorter devils, one girl and one boy sat across the room at a table. The girl had deep charcoal hair, a shining smile, and large batting eyelashes. She had two small horns growing from her head that reminded you of your own. The boy sitting beside her had snow white hair and had similar horns as well, small white dots speckled his cheeks. Sitting just down from them was a hellhound. Her fur was a light gray, long hair of the same color draped from her head. Her eyes were a vibrant red glaring in your direction. You gulped loudly, sure that everyone near you could hear it.

"These are my employees, that's Moxxie over there with his cute little bowtie, my right hand man, and that's his kick ass assassin wife Millie, that's my daughter Loonie, she's a hell hound and I'm BlitzØ, the Ø is silent'' Blitz said enthusiastically. You lifted your hand and gently gave them a wave in their general direction. Loona gave you a pitiful wave back, Millie smiled largely and waved energetically, and Moxxie stared at you analytically.

"I'm Y/N and I'm..."

"Y/N..." Blitz interrupted you, "why does that sound so fucking familiar?"

"It's not an...uncommon name, I suppose?" you whisper, untucking your folder from beneath your arms.

"Oh!!!" Blitz gasped, "you're fresh meat, huh?" he smiled largely, grabbing the file out of your grasp and whipping it open on the table for everyone to see.

"Y-yeah...I was um, murdered and just woke up here. I didn't really know where to go and I saw the billboard so I..."

"See Moxxie! I told you the fucking billboards would work!" Blitz stuck his tongue out at Moxxie, Moxxie's face grew annoyed.

"Congratulations, sir" Moxxie said sarcastically, staring into your folder.

"Wait a fucking second. I know who you are" Blitz paused, slamming his fists onto the table.

"You do?" you asked, surprised.

"We've heard about you down here, you're the chick who fucked up the mugger. Bit him in his fucking face, put him in critical condition. Fuck!"

"Yeah...yeah, that um, wasn't one of my best moments..."

"Do you have any idea how kick ass that was?" Millie gasped, her voice sweet with southern twang.

"That was your best fucking moment. I heard about that shit and got a hard on, fucking badass. A human just biting the fuck out of a muggers face? I mean you did some damage. I was beyond impressed" Blitz smiled, walking back toward you.

"How did you guys hear about..."

"A lot of people die and a lot of people get sent to hell, but not many leave their killer with that type of damage" Moxxie said, not taking his eyes off your paperwork.

"I was actually hoping to meet you someday, Y/N. We're assassins and that kind of skill is exactly what gets us going" Blitz wrapped his tail around your waist, you felt your face getting hot.

"You're...you guys are assassins? I..I read murder professionals and assumed that maybe you could help me out because I was murdered and I...I don't really know what to do now" you whispered, feeling a lump form in your throat.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We aren't the welcome wagon for everyone who is murdered. We're I.M.P. Immediate murder professionals. You've got some revenge that needs to be done in the living world? We got that. Have somebody you want dead? We do that. We happily assassinate on the other side."

"Oh...I, I'm sorry. I just figured that maybe you guys could help me out, I just don't know what to do..."

"When did you get here?" Blitz smiled.

"Probably an hour or so ago?"

"So you have no place to sleep, no job, no anything yet? You're completely new?"

"I guess so" you felt your face getting hot.

"Well luckily for an icon like yourself we'd love to be of service."

"An icon?" you almost laugh.

"Be of service to her how, sir?" Moxxie asked, shutting your file.

"Just help you get on your feet if you'd like. Seeing your work I already know you're the type of bitch I love being around" Blitz nudged you with his elbow.

"I don't want to be a pain in the ass, I just didn't know where to go, I really don't want to impose."

"It's not a problem at all. You can stay with me and Loonie at our apartment for a few nights. We'll figure a job out for you, get you all settled into hell."

"And how much is this going to cost me?" you asked gently, feeling around for your wallet that was long gone thanks to your murderer.

"Not a damn thing, maybe just put a hit out on that guy who killed you. I'd love to kill that motherfucker" Blitz smiled widely.

"I uh...don't want to put a hit out on anyone right now...that's something I'd definitely need to think about..."

"She probably wants to finish him off herself! I don't blame her one fucking bit" Millie smiled brightly.

"So, do you want to take my offer or not?" Blitz grinned as he began another lap around the table.

"I...I'd love to, t-thank you, Blitz."