Professor's Pet Series: Quinn Ellis

XV. Sad and Petty

After dinner ay nagpahatid na rin ako kay Kelsey, thanking her profusely and promising Kimmy to hang out again soon. I really had a fun time with them, and I can see myself spending more time with the sisters.

But, now that I'm alone in my room once again, I can feel the sadness creeping back in. Yes, sadness, because now that I had more time to think about what happened, mas nangibabaw na ang lungkot kesa galit.

As I lay in my darkened room, staring up at the ceiling, I kept thinking where did it go wrong? Paano ba humantong sa ganito?

Or, had it been bound to happen and I just chose to be blind about it? Deep inside, I'm aware about the possibilities. Of her liking someone else, dating someone else, and even marrying someone in the future, eventually, but damn, I did not expected it to be this soon. And, no heads up whatsoever? It was so out of the blue.

Hindi pa ako handa eh. Ni wala man lang pasabi. And, that reminded me again of my two supposed bestfriends. Bakit wala man lang silang sinabi? Why the hell did they left me out in the dark?

Naramdaman ko na naman ang pagtulo na ng mga luha ko kaya mabilis kong hinila ang isang unan saka itinakip sa mukha ko to muffle my screams of anguish. I screamed all my pain and frustrations into it. Nang kakapusin na ako ng hininga ay saka ko lang inalis ang unan mula sa pagkakatakip sa mukha ko before taking in lungful of air.

When I got my breathing back to normal, I took a peek at the clock on my bedside table. It's past 2 in the morning already. I sighed. Pakiramdam ko pagod na pagod na ang katawan ko pero ayaw pa rin ako patulugin ng utak ko.

Tomorrow's monday, and I'm not sure I'm ready to face them again. Maybe, I'll just make up some excuses to skip school, but knowing Mom and Dad, lalo lang silang mag-uusisa. I'm just grateful they let me off the hook kanina, thanks to Kelsey, too.

Besides, I can't hide from them forever. Saka bakit ako pa ang magtatago sa kanila, samantalang ako na nga ang ginawan nila ng hindi maganda?

***

I woke up groggily the next day, nakatulugan ko na lang ang kakaisip sa kung anong magandang gawin. Pagtingin ko sa bedside clock ay napabalikwas ako ng bangon sabay malakas akong napamura.

Fuck! I slept over the alarm. It's quarter to seven already, at alas otso ang unang subject ko. Mabilis akong naligo saka nagbihis, hindi na rin ako nakapag breakfast. I just quickly bid Mom goodbye before driving away.

Surprisingly, hindi naman masyadong ma-traffic kaya I got there after a 15-minute drive. Nagmamadali na akong nagtungo sa classroom when I remembered kung sino ang first subject ko. Biglang bumagal ang paglakad ko kasabay ng pagbilis naman ng tibok ng puso ko.

Shit! Am I ready for this? I had to take a few calming breaths bago ko binuksan ang pinto at dahan-dahang naglakad papasok. Narinig kong huminto ito sa pag di-discuss. At kahit nakayuko ako, I can still feel her burning gaze on me. Tahimik akong naglakad patungo sa upuan ko, but, then I remembered kung sinong mga katabi ko doon. Mabuti na lang may bakanteng upuan a couple of rows from my usual seat kaya doon ko na lang piniling maupo. I heard her resumed the discussion after I took a seat.

I spent the whole time looking out the window, tuning out her voice. Resisting the temptation to look at her. Baka kasi kapag ginawa ko 'yon biglang mawala lahat ng nararamdaman kong sakit, and I might even beg her to take me back in, kahit pangalawa lang.

I like her, but I'm not going to stoop that low.

When the class is finally dismissed, I was the first one out of the door. But, before I can even step oustside, her cold voice stopped me on my tracks.