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Winona's mind was void of thoughts. Now and then a surge of emotion would reveal itself, never a pleasant feeling, but other than the pain she felt a pit of emptiness. It was disorienting running ideas over and over in her mind as to why somebody would've wanted to kill a group of people in their sleep. Did The Saviours do something she was unaware of? Was it revenge?
She never liked to play devil's advocate but such an arbitrary killing was either one of two things: revenge, or pleasure. While the apocalypse turned people vile, it didn't quite turn people into Ted Bundy.
This is the thought that drove her insane until she couldn't think any longer. Why was Noah killed? Why were so many innocent people dead?
She was guilt-ridden having not gone to see Sara yet, knowing if she even saw a glimpse of hurt on the little girl's face she'd break down in tears. The last thing she needs to see grievance is another person at their worst. A day or two, and maybe she'd be able to hold it together enough to give the kid a hug. God, they both needed it.
She didn't know how much longer she could stick around. She hungered to wait and aid in the killing of whoever took out the outpost, but there was no telling of how long that could be, or if they would even find out. Negan was a powerful man, but he could only do so much. If they snuck in and out stealthily in the night, it was likely they didn't leave behind much of a trace.
She hated sometimes how much her emotions controlled her. When Negan told her what happened, she saw red. She could've almost forgotten about her family at that moment, wanting to do anything to avenge Noah. Now, the anger faded into a numbing sorrow. Her limbs and muscles ached. She hadn't been this sad in a while.
For three days she'd confined herself in the comfort of her room. The energy for conversation was gone. Once Negan realized he couldn't get her up on her feet, he began bringing meals to her room and sitting to talk. He did most of the talking. He was extremely busy though and had to get another Saviour to drop off her plates sometimes. Sherry came by a couple of times too, but it was apparent Winona wanted to be left alone. Sherry was understanding of that. She told Winona she'd grieved many times before.
"We grieve so much more than we should," she said, "if there's one thing everybody has in common nowadays, it's that we're all missing somebody we love. We're missing a lot of people we love."
It was true. There were so many faces she could see: people she'd met before and after the world ended, so many people she'd had to grieve. To say it was hard would be an understatement.
When she did conjure the energy to think, she tried to pray to keep her thoughts light. She prayed that when she made it back to Alexandria she wasn't faced with any other people she loved being gone. She wasn't sure if she could handle it. It was quite possible, how long she'd been gone and the dire need her grandmother was in for insulin. She could only hope somebody else was taking good care of her, but that was all there was. Hope.
