Scarcity of Chances

Chapter 30

I woke up with the discomfort of tears in between my eyes, drying. This became a usual scenario ever since that unfortunate night, when I lost him.

It seemed that my prayers and pleas weren't loud enough for the heavens to reach. It's been two weeks but still, Kylo's body is not yet found. There's not even a single piece of information about him. Only his personal belongings inside the car were retrieved.

The river was known to be one of the deepest in the entire country, according to the investigation. The authorities said that it was more likely that his body decomposed already, if not, eaten by some creatures living in the depth. It was a mystery that the body never resurfaced.

There was no camera near the exact area where the accident took place but they said that Kylo tried to avoid a teenage girl from getting hit. His calculations were said to be wrong for his car went straight through the bridge and it was too late for him to hit the brakes.

To say I was hurt would be an understatement. Hindi ko nga alam kung ano ang itatawag sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. Posible pala iyong katagang madalas kong marinig noon na 'tila pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa'.

Ever since I heard the news from my sister, I wasn't the same anymore. Dalawang linggo na akong hindi pumapasok. Noong isang araw, binisita ako nina Archie, maging ni Hans, subalit hindi ko hinarap. I was too devasted to socialize or eat on time.

Luckily, Irvine's family is understanding enough to let me mourn the death of Kylo, even if they don't know him. They would try to comfort me but after they leave, the void inside my heart would eat me whole again.

Mama's mouth formed a circle the moment she saw me coming downstairs. It was not surprising for this is the first time since the accident that I came down on my own.

"Are you hungry? I'll cook anything you want," she said.

I politely shook my head and put both of my hands inside my jacket's pockets.

"Hindi po," sagot ko.

She sighed and plastered a small smile. "You have lost weight. Don't you want to eat? Kahit konti lang, Anak."

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, umiling ako.

"Mamaya na lang po. May pupuntahan ako."

"Saan?"

"On the riverside beneath the bridge."

"Do you want me to accompany you?" she offered.

"Thanks, Ma, but no thanks. I want to go alone."

Binahiran ng simpatya at pag-aalala ang mukha nito. Humakbang si Mama palapit sa akin upang haplusin ang buhok at balikat ko.

"Will you be okay? I'm worried," she said with utmost concern.

I tried to lighten the mood by painting a tiny smile on my lips. A fake one.

"I'll be okay, Ma. I just want to visit..."

The place where he disappeared, that's what I wanted to say. Hindi ko magawang sabihin na ang lugar kung saan siya namatay sapagkat hindi ko pa tuluyang makumbinsi ang sarili na ganoon nga ang nangyari. After caging myself for quite a while, I finally found the strength to visit that place.

Hindi nagtagal, pinakawalan din ako ni Mama. I hailed a cab outside the village and headed straight to the place near the river.

Ilang linggo na ring muling bukas sa publiko ang tulay na ito. Hindi tulad noong nakaraan, mas dumoble ang bilang at tumibay ang mga itinayong barikada. Sana, noon pa nila ginawa 'to.

It's sad how someone has to be put in danger or worst, died, before the authorities make such precautions and more safety measures.

The noises from the busy road terrorize the gentle breeze that caresses my skin. As I stood there, silently looking at the calm river, my heart started clenching in pain.