Catch the Trust [Completed]

Coming Back

22

Emmy

Mateo tried to reach out to me but I shook my head and continue walking. My whole body is reacting and I might throw up. That is not cute on the floor of someone else's house. I made my way to the guest bedroom on the bottom floor and sat on the bed. I put my head between my knees and focused on my breathing. After a few deep breath I knew I wasn't going to throw up. My throat still felt tight but I just focused on trying to center myself.

Mateo is here. I trust him. I also know Tyler, Declan, Mikey and Jacob are trustworthy. The girls. Finnlay and Cole. As my breathing began to slow down Finnlay entered the room. "Hey sorry, I just got to change his diaper. He literally leaked everywhere." I chuckled at that and watched Fin change Jack. "Are you doing okay?"

"Um yeah." I looked down at my fingers and heard Jack blabber out some things.

"You know some of the guys are stupid, and loud, but non one would think to touch you or hurt you." I looked up at Fin who had his nose scrunched in disgust as he wiped Jack. "Dude you reak. Calm down would ya." He shook his head staring at Jack who clapped back at him. I smiled at the interaction. "I don't want you to think I'm prying, but you can tell me anything about being out there and the slight chaos."

"I just... sometimes it all gets too much so I'm trying to get doses of it. I'm hoping one day I won't have them or freak out when a group of men does something rowdy or a little threatening."

"I get it. Overload of it all. Sometimes I wonder about them myself. I think that Bree was nervous coming to San Diego with me at first because she didn't know what a group of baseball players was like. When we won the championship she was nervous the whole time. WE were all drunk, shaking beer everywhere, jumping around and yelling songs and swear at people. It can get scary if you're not in the right place."

I watched as Fin redressed Jack and smiled down at him. He set Jack in the play pen with a little blanket. "I just... the noise reminds me of a bad part of my life."

Fin looked over at me and nodded. "I get it." He sat next to me on the bed and looked over at Jack who was starting to close his eyes. "But if you acknowledge the trauma and know your capabilities, why run away?"

"I almost threw up." Fin pressed his lips together and nodded. "I mean... maybe I wouldn't have but..."

"You won't know until you push yourself to stay in the situation. Stay beside Mateo, hang with the girls. Block out the bad and focus on the people with you, you know?" I looked out the window and Fin stood up, placing a hand on my shoulder. "While you think, want to keep Jack company? Come out when you're ready."

"Thank you Fin." I said just as he was about to close the door. He popped his head back in and smiled over at me.

"No problem." I looked over at Jack who had fallen asleep easily and sighed. Laying back on the bed I stared at the ceiling fan. Would I have puked? Not sure, but it felt like it. Would I have calmed down if I was in Mateo's arms? Maybe.

Can I go to these events and take moment breaks in bathrooms or bedrooms to recenter? Yeah I can. Taking breaks and pacing myself and situating myself in the right group I can make it through. I can stay beside people I trust to lift me up and have my back. Like all the girls out there. I could hear Leah asking Hailey where I went and knew I should leave soon.

A light knock on the door and Tia walked in. I smiled at her and she lay beside me. "I was wondering where you went."

"Here I am."

"How have you been holding up today?"

"Well I'm in here so I got overloaded."

"Did you have an attack?"