Waves// t.c. and s.m.

0.4

As Taylor leaned in, I did the same. As his lips touched mine, I couldn't even hear my surroundings.

It felt perfect.

Cliche, Yes, but it's all I can think of to describe it.

He pulled away a few seconds later.

Why, it was amazing.

I heard clapping after I knocked out of my trance. There stood Nash, looking peed off.

"Not any better than Shawn. Both the exact same if I do say so myself, " Nash practically hissed at me.

Before he could even finish, I was ablaze.

At Nash.

At Shawn.

And At Taylor.

"You know what Nash?! You're not my father, you're my fucking brother! So if you don't mind, I'm gonna go live life without worrying if The High And Mighty Nash Grier approves. Yes, I thank God every day that you were there with my ex back home, but we're on tour. Correction. You're on tour considering those are the only people's feelings you care about!" I said trying to walk out.

Taylor grabbed my wrist before I could.

"What?!" I yelled at him.

"Ummm," Taylor said dropping my wrist and looking at Nash.

"You see Taylor, you weren't strong enough to even kiss me long enough for me to barely even comprehend what was happening because of my brother. Now I'm about to cry, and you are to worried about Queen Bee over there to even FUCKING comfort me! So go find another one night stand like last night. I hope you and your bitch used protection!" I said walking out.

That's when the tears hit.

I couldn't help it.

Maybe someone stronger could of.

But I'm not perfect.

But I wish every day I was.

I smacked into something hard and almost fell down. But it, or they, caught me by my waist.

"Oc are you okay? Why are you crying?" Shawn asked still holding onto me. When I didn't answer, he pulled me into a hug.

I dried my tears not wanting to cry, It showed how I wasn't perfect.

"I just wanna go back to the hotel," I whispered. He nodded and called a cab.

As I got into the cab, Shawn payed the driver.

"I have to go on stage in ten, but when I get back, we're going to talk about this," he said smiling.

Did he really care?

Why would he? You're not even close enough. For anyone.

Once again, my conscience was right .

I turned away from the door, closing it in the process. Then did I notice my death grip on the door.

~ 《*》 《*》 《*》 《*》 《*》 ~
As I walked into my hotel room, thirty minutes later, I just sat down. Against the wall. On the floor.

I needed to man up, go back to the Ocean that didn't need people.

The one that put a wall up.

I hopped in the shower just feeling the water. After washing, I stepped out and I walked into my bedroom and put my pajamas on.

I walked back into the bathroom.

Maybe out of habit...

Maybe out of need...

I looked at myself. Stick straight, volume-less, almost dry brown hair. Boring and lifeless blue eyes. Tan skin that would never even be close to pretty.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I took out a razor and cut my thighs maybe ten times.
**************************************

"AHHHHHHGGGG!" I screamed sitting up in bed. I had dreamed about earlier today. I had cut. After I promised not too. Shawn busted through the door.

How could I?!

"Are you OK?!" Shawn said with a worried look on his face.

Why does he care?

He doesn't.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad dream," I said still freaked out. I know I did it, but I don't want to be reminded.

"Okay. Do you want me to stay with you till you fall back to sleep?" He asked and smiled sympathetically. I nodded and gulped as he sat down on my bed. As he lied down, I got comfortable.

Later that night as I felt some if the weight on the bed lighten (AND I CANT LIFT THE WEIGHT! haha sry Maddie I had to) , I immediately felt scared. I didn't wanna think about my nightmare or have another one.

"Stay," I said to Shawn. He sat back down and pulled me into his arms. As the waves of sleep welcomed me, I couldn't help but smile.

A/N Wassup Waffles?!?! IT'S MADDIE! Sorry it's short, but I got a buttload of HOMEWORK! BTW ima call you mu Waffles now! Bye Mu Waffles!

A/NN Maddie...I swear...you're so lame... BTW IF YOU COULDN'T TELL, IT'S EMILY!!!!

A/NNN  MADDIE EDITED THIS. AGAIN BUT IT'S OK! BECAUSE I AM A AWESOME FRIEND! *fist pumps sarcastically*