Silent Tears

Chapter 18: Brooklyn Love

                                                                                {Flashback/Memory}

"You'se are a pretty boy, yea know dat?" "Stop Liebe your gonna make me blush." "I'se dink I'se already have." Sean stated with a smirk. "Just kiss me stupid." And that he did. His soft lips lightly touch mine. We pull away, me smiling like an idiot. "Well you'se look happy now." I rolled my eyes playfully at him. I lay my head back down looking up at the beautiful bright blue sky.  Sean laid back down next to me. Sean turned his head looking at me. "You'se so beautiful  my Schatz." I turn my head looking right back into his eyes. "ich liebe dich." I kissed his nose, and turned back to the sky. Sean kept looking at me though. Sean must have really wanted to make me feel special because he used my native language. I don't really ever use Irish, I usually just speak German if not English for Sean. "tá mé i ngrá leat freisin." This made my heart completely melt. I rolled over, on top of him. 

"Well hello." I giggled at his response. I laid my head on his chest, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He lightly, softly, kissed my head.

"I love you so much Sean."

"I love you more Jacob."

                                                                   {End of flashback/Memory}

I shot up. GOD! Why the hell does this keep happening to me?! I hear soft snores coming from my side. I turn around and see Spot sleeping soundly. I really don't want to wake him. I slowly climb out of bed and went over to sit in the windowsill. All I see is white. It's cold over here but I don't care. I take my small blade out of my pocket and I start making little cuts on my arm. Cold blood dripping down onto the windowsill. 

"Hart?" Oh shit. I hear Spot sit up. "What are you'se doin up?" I keep staring out the window. "Couldn't sleep." Spot got up and came over to me. He sits on the opposite side of the windowsill. I turn towards him, looking into his eye's. I see him looking at me, his eye's then shift to my arm's. I quickly pull my sleeve's down, covering the blood. He then looks at me sympathetically. Spot's never really looked sympathetically at anyone, but when he does he means it. 

Spot took my hands in his own. I tried to yank them away, but he wouldn't let me. "Hart, you'se can't do dat. You'se can't keep doin dis." I finally got my hands away from his. "You'se don't know me. You'se don't know who I'se am, or what I'se been threw. So don't you'se eva dink dat you'se do!" I sprung up from my seat, Spot shot up right behind me. He grabbed my arm turning me around to look at him, I'm trying to get out of his grasp but it's to strong. "Hart, please, just listen to me. I'se even told you'se bout Jacob, an you'se won't even talk ta me bout dis." "Yea, well did ya eva dink dat maybe I'se don't wanna talk bout it?! Huh?!" "Of course I'se know dat you'se don't wanna talk bout it, but who else are you'se gonna talk to?" "Nobody Conlon. Nobody." I remarked. I really don't want to talk about this. Especially with Spot Conlon. "What is it with you'se, huh? One minute your kind and sweet, da next you'se are a complete bitch. What da hell Hart?!" I'm still trying to pull away, but Spot suddenly pulls me close. Real close. "Explain it to me." I can feel his breath hitting my face. I don't love him, but it's bringing back memories. Good memories. Spot's stands up taller. He lips centimeters away from mine. For some reason I lean down just a little. before I know it his lips are on mine. It feels so, so familiar, comforting even. We walk towards the bed. Spot lays me down and climbs on top of me. He starts to unbuckle his pants. I end the kiss quickly realizing what was happening. First of all I love Finch, second of all I can't have Spot knowing my secret, and third of all I know that Race loves Spot and Spot loves Race. This is just some deja vu. He looks confused and almost disappointed. He gets off of me, and I sit up. "Spot I'se...I'se can't do dis. You'se love Racetrack, and i'se love someone else." "You'se are right, I'se do love Race, I'se love him wit all me heart, but somethin bout bein round you'se Hart, like deja vu, an I'se just felt like I'se needed ta test it." "Yea, I'se know what you'se feelin, I'se felt it too."