Unfaithful Betrayal || Killua Zoldyck x Fem!Reader

✿ Wishing for Control

"What was that...?"

She was staring at him with a look that seemed 'innocent', as if there was nothing wrong. As if what he saw didn't exist, that her hands weren't still hovering on the sides of the glass.

"Why are you here?" She asks instead. "Shouldn't you be working on finding a Hatsu?"

Killua remained unaffected. "What was that?"

After a moment (Name) breaks eye contact to face the wall in front of her. She didn't have the energy to try to dissuade him, not that it'd work. In fact, she didn't have the desire to deal with him at all... and maybe not just him. Maybe not anyone.

"You're annoying," she closes her eyes with a sigh, "and I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone."

There's a silence that causes a chilling sensation to rush through her body. The thought that he was just staring at her... Was he trying to wait her out? To see if she'll crack and just spill everything? They were way past the point of playing dumb. And while she doesn't like it, a part of her really just wanted to let everything burst open. Even if that meant talking to him.

She isn't sure when he crossed the room, but the next moment she's jumping back because he snatched the glass from underneath her. A sudden spark of vulnerability and guilt shakes her. It was a silly feeling because it was the obvious, but a part of her wanted to deny or pretend like it didn't happen.

But she doesn't. Instead, (Name) stares as Killua looks at the ice. No words needed to be said. The reality, the proof, was resting in his hands.

"This reaction...means Specialist," he spoke after a moment. "Making you..."

Trailing off, the former assassin turned towards her. She was staring at the glass in silence. Something about her expression made him stop. She looked...defeated. Deflated, even. Eyes darting from her gaze and the glass, he decided to address it.

"You don't seem...happy about it."

It was an obvious statement. (Name), who was searching for her type for the longest. He'd expected her to be ecstatic once she learned her type but it was the opposite. She had a haunted expression, as if she got news that a loved one died.

Which meant that this isn't what she wanted. Why? She was eager about Nen like him and Gon, yet she vehemently disregards something that is essentially good news?

"...Come to think of it, you reacted the same way when Wing suggested that you were one." She looked towards him then, shocked. "Back during the Heavens Arena."

"How did you know about that?!"

"I was eavesdropping."

"You sneaky motherfu-"

"What gives?"

(Name) goes silent once more. Sighing, Killua sets the glass back on the table. If she won't answer that, would there be hope in her answering the other questions he had?

"I just," she begins before stopping. Her mouth opens and closes before she shakes her head. "I just don't want to be one. A Specialist."

She knows that the follow-up question is 'why' but by then she was already swimming in her own thoughts. Being a specialist...doesn't it mean that things are just out of your control? The idea of not being able to work hard at it like others did... She hated it. And she knows that isn't the case for all of them, but she just couldn't shake how specialists gives her an icky feeling inside. That her hard work would be meaningless. That she didn't even need to try.

She hates that. Hates the idea of that. And the talk she had with Wing about her Hatsu only makes it worse. The possibility of her having an ability that she was unaware of - an ability that was just handed to her for simply existing? Over training for one like everyone else? She couldn't deal with that. How could anyone be okay with something like that?

Having everything handed to you like that...

You don't know real struggle. You're not humble.

And Specialist. What did that even mean? What if people started expecting things from her that she can't deliver? She's already fucked up a lot these days, what's this category going to do? Show that she can level-up to a royal fuck-up?

"...It doesn't matter what you wished for." The albino's voice breaks through her thoughts. She looks up at him, wondering when her gaze found the ground. There's tears running down her face...when did that happen? "Not anymore. You are what you are. There's no running from that."

And now she was being comforted by the assassin. Shaking her head, (Name) mutters 'wow' under her breath. Killua perks up at her voice.

"What?"

"'Are what you are'... Such inspiring words coming from the hypocrite."

There's more important things to take care of and consider. She could've used this moment to ask Killua how she should proceed forward on her Hatsu. Being selected to join Greed Island was their current task. The likelihood of Killua being ahead of Gon was very high.

But instead she glares at him.

"You talk all old and wise yet you're no different. You're running from what you are, too."

He looks taken aback by her words. Unfortunately, that lasted only for a split second before he's returning her glare with one of his own.

"What's your problem?"

"My problem is you preaching to me, talking down on me like I'm dumb."

Killua rolled his eyes. Was she still on about that Phantom Troupe thing or just trying to change the subject? "This is not the time to pick a fight."

He's right and that makes her frown worse.

"I can do whatever I want."

"You're being a brat."

"And you're a Zoldyck prick."

"I'm trying to help you!" For as patient of a boy he could be, even Killua had his limit. This girl...this ungrateful girl was working up his nerve, and he didn't even know why she was doing this to him.

But (Name) didn't back down.

"I didn't ask for your help! I didn't ask for you to be here, I didn't ask for you to see me, I didn't... I don't even like you! I already told you to leave me alone yet you kept talking to me!"

She's glaring at him, tears in eyes and yet he just stares back at her in silence. Not even a moment longer, she bolts past him and out the room. Stupid, she thought, stupid, stupid, stupid! She didn't want to say that and yet she did. What's more, she didn't have it in her to stay behind and gauge his reaction.

She just...kept talking.

Her and her fucking mouth.

She considered going into her room to wallow in her emotions or blow off steam but stopped. In truth, (Name) didn't trust herself to be alone right now. She needed a distraction from herself and her thoughts.

So she went to the first person she could think of in that moment.

"Gon!"

"Eh? (Name)-chan?"

He greets her in surprise. She wondered if it was because of her presence or whether or not the sight of her eyes was alarming to him. She didn't know. But she didn't waste time in speaking, not wanting to give him a chance to even ask.

"I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING! ...Can you help me think up a Hatsu?"

Of course Gon said yes. He was a nice person like that.

If only she was the same. Maybe then Killua wouldn't try to convince Gon to abandon her for blowing up at him in the kitchen. And if that happens, then she'll be going back to where she started: Heavens Arena.

In that case, she'll spend as much time with him as possible.

It's the least that Zoldyck owed her before he stole from her again.