Unfaithful Betrayal || Killua Zoldyck x Fem!Reader

i✿i

Without warning, he felt her shove him away at his chest. Unlike the times of when she touched him before, he didn't feel the tingling warmth that caused his stomach to be filled with butterflies. Instead her finger-tips felt like a raging fire that was ready to burn holes in his chest.

"(N-name)-"

Her fearful gaze made him want to grab her hand and sit her down to talk. He wanted to explain his actions before she ran away like he knew she would. If he could just grab her wrist before she-

"No!"

He saw as she jerked away from him, eyes were wide with sudden alert. Killua's throat felt dry knowing that he was the cause for her defensive behavior.

But if she could just listen to him on why, then she-

"Stop trying to fucking grab me!"

He flinched.

(Name) didn't typically curse towards him.

Well, of course she's cussed him out on various occasions. He did too, it was a back-and-forth the two did. However, all those times before, it was never like this. She wasn't looking at him like she was now, and it certainly wasn't filled with such distrust like it was now.

That meant she knew.

The silverette gritted his teeth.

Of course she was aware of what he just took from her AND him.

"(Name)..."

Compared to her tone, his voice was calm. However, that was partially because they were still in the hospital. He supposed she hadn't hit him because of that reason, too.

"No, Killua! What the hell's wrong with you?!"

He was supposed to get through to her. He was supposed to make things right before inevitably fucking everything up. But that's the thing about fuck-ups. Actions like these were irreversible, and no matter how hard he'd try to justify it, he wouldn't be able to. Not with the current situation surrounding them. Not when he saw the build-up of tears in her eyes. Not when her voice cracked from the emotional wreckage of the day and situation. She was drowning in emotional stress and confusion - a confusion he gave her.

It was all his fault. Everything about this fucked situation was his fault. And to make matters worse, she was fucking crying.

Over himself, no less.

He could only recall one time where she's been upset with him like this. It wasn't to the point of tears, but it was damned close.

••••••

"Zoldyck, we need to talk."

He hadn't bothered to stare at her, instead focusing on the lines of his hands. It had been a few hours since the trade-off with the Phantom Troupe.

"I'm serious."

She could tell that he was purposefully ignoring her. She hated it.

"Zoldyck, we-"

"Yeah? And about what?"

He rose to his feet, glaring down at her. The trade-off had been one of the most stressful moments of his life. There was nothing to tell whether or not that Troupe member would keep her word. Hell, it was still unnerving that Hisoka remained on the same transport vehicle as them.

He saw as her eyes widened and how she backed up, likely not suspecting his sudden temper. Who would've? This was the calm and collected Killua, who indulged in bickering so long as he found some form of amusement in it. However, there was none in this one. His eyes were cold and tired and (Name) almost backed down... Until she remembered why she was doing this in the first place, and she glared.

"The shit pulled back there in the alley!"

"Really? We have other things to worry about, and you-"

"Other things? Like what?! Do inform me, Zoldyck!"

They had defeated the Troupe - at least for now, reunited and "saved" Kurapika.. They technically had nothing left to do besides finishing gathering the money for Gon's dad's game. But in regards to anything of immediate focus, there really had been nothing else.

(Name) crossed her arms, daring him to challenge her. He, miraculously, did not, instead sighing like a tired old man that she often teased his hair color depicting him to be. She didn't get it at all. After this whole, stress-filled, life-threatening experience, she was worried over something so small. It was downright foolish to be upset about 'who gets to get caught by the Troupe' considering it wasn't in the plan at all!

Yet...her! She just had to be so stubborn, so foolish, so infuriating-

"Let's talk, Zoldyck."

Killua found himself sighing again, nostrils flaring in agitation and irritation. He really didn't feel like dishing out their typical banter right now, mind still in the middle of processing everything that went down and what it could mean for their future.

"I made the best course of action there."

"No one asked you to do that!"

He couldn't help his irritation being made known, typically calm composure slowly crumbling to ashes. (Name) was still relatively new to this whole "group", but she had to have some form of common sense, right? He couldn't have been the only one reading between the lines, right? Prepared to take to his feet, he glared, eyes shifting into exasperated slits.

"You're missing the damn point."

(Name) doesn't seem to notice his rising temper. She instead narrows her eyes, puffs her chest, and stands her ground. "I'm not some damsel that needs you to do everything for me. I could've handled it my-"

"Stop being a brat," he cuts her off, rising to his feet.

"I don't know what area you came from or what you're used to, but this isn't some game. We nearly lost our lives out there. Me and Gon could've been killed. And yet you're so selfish - so self absorbed that you only see yourself and your problems? What you 'missed out' on?!"

He didn't see that he was getting loud until he heard his voice echo off the walls. (Name) kept a straight face, arms remaining crossed while looking him in the eye. Whether or not she said anything became irrelevant - Killua popped off.

"You're throwing a hissy fit at not being able to play the 'hero' and taking the heat? Do you think that me and Gon WANTED to do that?! We did it because we HAD to! For our friend!"

Killua was analytical. He wanted to consider all perspectives and angles to make the most of a situation. So while he understood her "frustration", it just didn't make any sense. Maybe she wanted to do it all together with them to prove her "worth" to the group or something. But that didn't happen, and considering they managed to make it out alive, she should just be happy that they were. Now he was feeling biased against her, and his mind happily reminded him that her "not following the plan" is what nearly fucked them all over.

She didn't cry.

He's not sure what emotion he sees in her eyes, but she didn't show intimidation or sadness. She didn't shrink away from the raise of his voice or anything similar - she looked him on in the eye, with only hints of shifting her gaze to somewhere to the side. But as soon as it happened, her gaze returned in full force, ignited by stubborn heat. Killua honestly believed he imagined it.

He's not sure how long they stood in pregnant silence, staring at each other with intensity. He was too tired to back down to his former facade, and she was too determined to see her point through.

"Both of you. Be quiet."

It was only at the voice of Kurapika did the two break from their dispute. His voice demanded attention, causing bodies to tense from the way it cut through the atmosphere with its rigidness. His eyes failed to meet anyone else's, hidden behind his hair and the way his head was turned elsewhere. He can understand the reason. Kurapika swore his life to gaining vengeance for his clan, yet it was robbed beneath his nose because of his friends. Petty discussions would just be an annoyance for him. Regarding the blond silently, Killua's temper returns to its previous cool.

"What's done is done," his voice brought chills. "Don't talk about it anymore."

It was silent when Killua took his seat, staring down at the palm of his hands. He hears the sounds of (Name)'s retreating footsteps, counting the amount taken and the way the sound slowly faded as she got farther way. He thought back to Melody, who could decipher the girls foot patterns in an instant, and rubbed his knuckles.

He barely heard Gon's murmuring before he stood to his feet, wandering off to talk or console her - not that Killua thought she needed it. He didn't think he was wrong, but he was more concerned with what was going through her head right now. He knew she didn't have a death wish, so what gives? Reckless? Why did she care so much about something so little?

Only a person seeking validation would try so hard.

What does (Name) have to prove?