The choices you made | Eric Coulter (Under Reconstruction)

x23. | Keep holding on

Author's note:
Hi, lovelies!
It's been a while!
As promised, the chapter is here.
I am sorry it is a little bit short and cheesy, but the next one will be worth it, I promise. I hope you like it.
Please, do not forget to check "Beyond the stars", my alterfantasy half-fiction about General Kirigan. 💚
Love,
Sasha
xoxo

"I can't stand it. I can't stand it.", Ellie kept holding her hand, walking around in circles, and weeping.

"Eleanor, you have to calm down.", Evelyn tried to draw near her carefully, but it was no use. Ellie was mentally and physically shattered to pieces.

"Ellie?", Four came in and Evelyn and Tori glanced at him worriedly.

"How is Tris?", Tori asked.

"She fell asleep.", Four said. "What is going on here?", he looked at his sister with concern and dread.

"I can't... I c-c-can't stand it. I can't!", Ellie repeatedly mumbled sobbing and cracking all over again.

"We can't seem to calm her down.", Evelyn said. "Where is Eric?"

"He will be here shortly.", he nodded at Evelyn carefully, but Eleanor saw it - she knew that this meant that Eric was somewhere disposing of Marleene's body and she couldn't stand it anymore. She thought that his killer gene and love for bloodlust have stopped. But he...

"Ellie, please try to calm down.", Four came upon her, but she once again took a step back, scrutinizing him with animal fear in her eyes. "Let's get you something to calm you down, come on.", he took a step towards her.

"No!", she shrieked, taking on a step behind again. "Death will follow us wherever we go! No! I can't stand it!", she cried out, but Eric rapidly entered in there.

"Ellie, what's going on?", he asked.

"You will not take a step towards me!", she shouted at him too. "Death is happening! I can't save anybody! They are all dying!"

"Hey, you saved Christina, what the Hell is wrong with you?"

"You are what's wrong with me!", she yelled at him bursting into tears once again. "I can't save anybody, everything is painted with blood because of us!"

"Hey, calm down. You saved Christina. And that little boy there, do you hear yourself?"

"Hey!", Christina entered the room hearing the bluster, after she took care of Tris, she was behind him. "You saved me. I am still here!", and she wasn't afraid to approach her. She was the only one in here.
They slept together on the Grounds with toilets behind their pillows. She knew Ellie to bits. "Listen to me!", she placed her tiny hands on Ellie's trembling head. "You saved me. You and Tris saved me. Will would be so proud of you.", she spoke with one tear strolling down her cheek. "Of both of you. I am here. You are not alone. Okay? You saved me. You saved that little boy over there. You are not alone, okay?", she spoke to her with her fragile, shaking voice, but with so much strength that she snapped Ellie somehow from the deception she was in.

"I am sorry I killed him. I am sorry I couldn't save him. I am so sorry, Chris. Please, forgive me.", she cried and hugged Christina, and Christina hugged her back.

"It is not your fault and he was a proud soldier. He wouldn't want it any other way.", she sighed, letting out a small sob, but Ellie still cried.

"Please, forgive me.", she spoke to her again, trying not to tremble.

"I forgive you. I forgive you, okay?", Christina told her the truth, but she also told her the words Ellie needed to hear so much at this point. And for so long. She kept on losing people and they kept dying on her without a break that broke her to pieces. She didn't know Marlene that well. But what she did know is that she surely didn't deserve to die.

"Let's get you something to calm down, okay?", Eric spoke behind Four and she looked at him.
He didn't run away from her bad words this time. How come?

"Okay.", she muttered, still shaking and Chris handed her slowly to Eric.

"Tori?", he asked, but Tori already had prepared the needle and the medicine. Ellie weakly but voluntarily handed over her left hand and Eric held it until Tori didn't apply for the medicine.

"It should wear off in two hours.", Tori spoke to him. "It's the same thing I gave to Tris. They shouldn't pass out on this one."

"Yeah, I know.", Eric said but Ellie was already losing it so he picked her up.

***

"Hey...", Ellie mumbled a couple of hours later.

"Hey, hey. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know.", she got up. "Where am I? What time is it?"

"In my room. It's around two o'clock.", he said.

"I'm sorry I made such a mess.", she said tiredly, recalling it all in a second.  "And for everything I said."

"You were right.", Eric said. "I am what is wrong with you."

"I said that?!"

"Very loudly and clearly."

"I am sorry. I didn't mean..."

"I know.", he said. "You weren't supposed to be in a war, you are young. You should have had time to become stronger. To have fun. This generation of Dauntless will be completely broken.", he said.

"If there is still Dauntless.", Ellie said.

"No, there isn't Dauntless.", Eric admitted. "There will never be Dauntless again. Or Amity, or Abnegation. Candor, who gives a fuck."

"Yes, because we ruined all of them, Eric.", her eyes were flustered with tears once again.

"No. We cannot carry that burden on our shoulders. You cannot carry it. The guilt is all mine, for listening to Jeanine, for trusting her. And this has to end. I won't let it ruin us. I won't let it ruin you."

"You are speaking now.", Ellie somehow pulled a shoddy smile.

"About what?", he constricted his eyebrows.

"About emotions.", she swabbed her nose with her sleeve and put her hands on her cheeks to stop them from flowing. She was so overwrought.

"I am speaking about war.", he successfully managed to put the discussion in another direction. "We are just getting out alive, no matter what.  Just like we said in Dauntless, ok?", he put his hands on her shoulders. "If I say go, you go. If I say stay, you stay. If I say run, you fucking run, understood?"

"But, where is us surviving in all that?", she pulled away from his grip. "No.", she waved her head in rejection. "You have to trust me too. We are in this together. If we're going down, we are going down together. I already almost buried you, I'm not gonna do this again. You are not going to do this again. Am I clear, Leader?"

"Loud and clear, soldier.", he breathed out with dissatisfaction, but this time he got nothing on her or nothing to say. He couldn't refuse her. But he did keep in mind that her safety was his priority. She already mourned him once, she is strong. She can do it again. He relived his death times and times again, too many times to be frightened. So he just went with it.

"When are we going to Erudite?"

"Gather the meeting and call Evelyn. First thing tomorrow."