Broken Together

2- Ghost of a smile

Song of the chapter:
Train Wreck- James Arthur

Pain. It's consuming. I can feel every inch of my body screaming as I push myself of the floor, today ended the same as yesterday. I dared take Bella to day-care again and payed for it, nobody noticed the limp and cries of pain at school and I don't know if they ever will. My concealer covered the red strike against my face and everything else was hidden under the heavy layers of clothes. Andrew reminded me of my disappointment and fault in moms death again as I became his personal punching bag.

Then him and Bella went out for ice-cream, I can't keep him from her every second of the day and there's nothing but blind panic every second he's alone with her. Part of me does believe that he wouldn't hurt her but I can't trust his anger. I had to lie to her as I picked myself off the floor and said I didn't want to go with them, I doubt he'd let me anyway.
He left saying they'd be a couple hours, also if I followed them then I'd pay for it, I don't doubt his words. I can't face the house alone, too many bad memories that are drowning the good. I put on my coat and enough makeup that nothing is too noticeable. Then I take off out of the prison that seems to still weigh down my soul no matter how far I run.

Maybe Bella would be better without me, maybe he wouldn't be reminded of mom so much and maybe he wouldn't ever hurt her. But what if he turned to her with his punching bag gone, that's my biggest fear, if I left this hell then she'd become me. I'd rather live like this for the rest of my life than Bella experience a day of this.

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I find myself on that cliff again, my heart struggling to pump blood around my body as if it's as close to giving up as I am. I pull my knees up to my chest and stare off the crumbling edge, a painful sob wracks my body and the tears fall down my scrunched up face.

Hope. A single word that is meant to mean so much, hope is meant to be there no matter how deep the darkness, hope is supposedly a cure to everything, hope is the shining star fighting a battle against the endless night purely to keep it's brightness in the sky. Where is my hope? I'm in the darkest of times, I'm fighting that very same battle, where are you? I need hope, I need hope for myself, please let me be selfish enough to find that hope. Help me hope, show me that there is a time when everything will stop hurting this much because I don't want to face an eternity of pain, I'm not strong enough for that.

I want to scream out but nothing appears, the tears are blurring my vision and I'm gasping for breath, I feel like crumpling on the floor and crying for eternity. Maybe I will, that's how I spend my days anyway.

Then I stop. I force every emotion away, I need to be numb in this life, I need to learn to face my battles without breaking down, I don't want to feel anymore. I just want it to stop!

I brush my face aware of the fact that if anyone were to see me they'd see a messy shell of a person.

Then as if the cruel universe reads my mind there's the crunch of footsteps, I gasp and freeze. Then wiping my face one last time I look over my shoulder. What other broken person would come here? Parker of course.

"Don't let me stop you" he crosses his arms and I furrow my brow.

"What?" my voice is shaking and weak, why am I always so weak?

"If you're going to jump don't let me stop you" he gestures to the cliff that I quickly push away from.

"No, I'm not- no" I stammer and push myself up to standing, Ignoring the shooting pain that makes me want to fall right back down again.

Then I see him really, and it takes me back. He's as much as a mess as me, small cuts are scattered across his face with a couple bruises well formed. I can tell that they would hurt, call it past experience. We both must look a right state to the outside world, both standing by the edge of this cliff, both bruised to the point of almost shattering, both as broken as each other. We're broken together right in this moment and that scares me too much, there's too much pain in this small clearing, too much hurt.