Broken Together

12- Sonder

Song of the chapter:
Saturn- Sleeping at Last

I'm going to destroy you Juliette, just like you destroyed your mom. I'm going to kill you!

The words continue to replay and I can't get it to stop. He didn't come looking for me because I don't think anyone doesn't listen to Parker's warnings, or Trevors. But he wants to destroy me, one day he'll decide that he wants Bella back, one day I'll have to face him again.

"I didn't have a right to do that. I'm sorry. But when you told me what he did and every time after that when you told me about what he was like" Parker begins to explain.

"It happened more than once?" I pull my hands away and stand up.

"Yes"

"How many times?" I demand.

More than once, he lost his temper more than once, he drove right to Andrew to give him a 'warning' more than once. He beat his anger out on someone else more than once.

"After you went back, after he took everything, a few days after the nightmare and you blamed yourself, after we got drunk and I saw the scars" the last being after I knew. Four times. He went back four times. One being very recently, he didn't stop.

"Please don't do it anymore" I say quietly and take a step back.

"I won't" he says firmly.

"Did you say that after the first time?" I ask and flinch at how cold I sound. I don't want to back away as much as I do, I don't want to be as hurt as I feel.

"I promise I won't, it's anoth-"

"Don't say that. Not when I know that you could go back" I hold my hand up to stop him and he sighs.

"He deserved it"

"You went behind my back to beat up my stepfather, more than once!" I yell and he shoots to his feet.

"Are you defending him?" he matches my tone of annoyance and I scoff.

"Of course not. I just don't think you should've done that"

"Well it's done so what are you going to do? What do you want me to do?" he glares at me exasperated.

"Nothing, just leave it alone from now on. Please" I sigh and begin to walk away.

"I don't regret it. He got what was coming with every hit, you were breaking and he deserved to feel an inch of that pain" Parker calls after me and I spin on my heel.

"That wasn't your choice to make!" I cry out at him "you don't get to decide how he pays for what he did to me and my family! You don't get to know what an inch of my pain was, it wasn't your place to make him understand that! I wish you just left it"

I don't listen to his last words as I go straight to my room, shut the door and collapse into the mess that I am onto my bed. I wish I could shut off everything, feelings and all.

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Sleep captures me quickly and too soon the next morning comes. It's finally thanksgiving break but as much as I hate school that means having to face him more, something I'm still too much of a coward to do. I allow myself extra time in the luxurious shower before putting on some dark jeans and a long sleeved grey top. I dry my hair so it falls to loser waves and allow myself to look in the mirror.

My mothers eyes stare straight back, the deep murky green never being something I loved until she was gone. But I see it, what had faded over three years ago, the colour of me. I had long faded into a state of grey, everything had punched the colours out of me, then I began to go into survival. I just existed, painfully existed in the bitter struggle of life- yet somehow it had begun to return. Despite the last week I had begun to see that joy is till out there and pain can be temporary, not everything will trample over you forever. Even what felt like the darkest moments of my life had an end, I just had to hold on.