must have been a deadly kiss, only love can hurt like this // hyunlix

2020 pt10

A week and a half has passed since I asked Felix on a date.

We still hadn't had free time to go to our ice cream date, and we haven't even talked much about it because we both have practically no moment alone for the fact that we are all working so, so hard for the next comeback that will happen in a few months.

We both agreed to find time to go out on Saturday night, after training the choreographies, and as much as the date day is in two days, I can no longer stand not having the contact of Felix that I want so much.

All I got from Felix were some stolen kisses, cuddling as we always do, several flirtations, eye contact that lasted way longer than necessary — but other than that, we were almost not together alone at all.

During the day, in addition to the fact that we were all thinking about ideas for music and choreographies, we were in the presence of several staffs, so the two of us could not do anything that could make some of them get suspicious over our behavior.

In the afternoon, we all usually went to the dance practice room — practicing the steps non-stop until it was all engraved in our minds. Not to mention that, even being just the members and us on the room, we also couldn't risk doing something with the possibility of some staff opening the door and seeing us acting all lovely.

During the night, it was my favorite moment. It was the moment when Felix would go to my room, to, as almost always, sleep with me. At that moment, I could hold him the way I wanted and be able to kiss him without the fear of someone who shouldn't know anything, see.

Yet we couldn't do anything but small kisses, for the simple fact that Jisung was always there in the room with us. And as much as he can't see the two of us together ('cause he's in the top of the bunk bed), I'm sure he would be able to hear the kissing noise, and well, I wouldn't want that.

There were some days when he asked loud enough if we both would like for him to leave the room and go to sleep in Minho's room or even in Felix's bed, which would not be in use since he would sleep with me, but every time I opened my mouth to say that I would like for him to do us this favor, Felix was faster to answer that Han didn't need to leave, probably not wanting to be a nuisance.

But I'm tired of this, fuck, I want more than just cuddling and stealing some small kisses. I want to be able to kiss him at the same intensity that I kissed him for the first time, I want to be able to kiss him and feel his breath getting out of control, feeling him under my control.

Fuck, I really love and I will always love having only the presence of Felix by my side. To be able to see a movie with him, clinging to him or just sleeping next to him, but after having a taste of him? It's impossible not to have become addicted.

I'm in abstinence of Felix.

But with the amount of work we are all having, and with the free time left after long hours of hard work, the members used to go out all together to eat or to watch a movie. It was almost impossible to get a moment alone with Felix.  Actually it wasn't 'almost', the 'almost' didn't existed. It was impossible to get a moment alone with Felix.

The only moment that could be considered 'alone' with him is when we go to sleep and Jisung has not arrived in the room yet, but Felix rolls over in bed and sleeps in a matter of seconds due to the tiredness of all the dance.

Fuck, I feel like I'm going crazy without being able to touch him, to feel him.

And that's why when I got to my room now, and didn't see the figure of a Jisung on top of his bed, I was quick to text Felix a message telling him to come urgently to my room.