How to find your soulmate

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He returned fully dressed and I hated the disappointment I felt at seeing his body no longer exposed. I have seen many people naked before, not countless, but enough to be somewhat immune to nakedness. I certainly wouldn't feel excited if a man or woman walked in here without their clothes, but apparently, the story was different when the man is your ex who you used to be completely crazy in love with.

It surely didn't help that I could still feel his hands on me still and still taste his kisses. Kongpob is lucky that I am a decent person, that I was the one who found him at that bar, and that I had good self-control otherwise if he had done any of the things he did to me to a lesser man they wouldn't have been able to stop themselves from taking advantage of him.

Damn him, I thought as I watched him come over to the kitchen counter all calm and poised, his hair combed back, his lips still looking red and his neck showing a little bite mark that I had made. He turned me on, damn it. I have never been so sexually frustrated in my life since I started having sex with people. More often than not, sex itself was a chore that occasionally got pleasurable. It was something I did for no reason though Rin would probably say that I was doing it to punish myself.

For the first time, I felt the temptation that led people to commit crimes, the desire to take without consent. I wanted to push Kongpob down even now and do all the things he begged me to do last night. Bite every inch of his skin, kiss them afterward and satiate the desire that threatened to drive me insane last night. I withstood the temptation easily when Mimi was with me but the moment we separated and I was in that bedroom with Kongpob alone, it took everything in me not to touch him, not to cross that line.

"P'Arthit?"

I started at his face that was staring at me and my face went up in flames. What am I thinking?! "What!" I raised my voice and glared in retaliation.

Kongpob flinched away from me. "I'm sorry. You are angry. That means I did something wrong last night. I don't know what it is but I am truly sorry, P'Arthit."

He is sorry? As if that was enough. "Damn it," I muttered to myself. I want to punish him. He has no right to make me feel like this. He hurt me, he destroyed me. I can't ever love again because of him. I can't ever trust anyone again. He ruined me forever. How can I ruin him too? I want to hurt him worse than he hurt me and... I want to kiss him.

I had thought by morning the heat under my skin provoked by Kongpob last night would be gone, but I still have these thoughts about him. I still can't stop desiring him. It's crazy because I still hated him and didn't want anything to do with him, but there's no denying this feeling. It may not go away simply by ignoring it.

"What is on your mind?" he asked. What a question, as if I could tell him. I looked at him and he looked withdrawn, his emotions closed off. I don't think this is an expression I have seen on his face before. It looked really dark and hopeless like he has given up on everything. He looked like he didn't have any other course of action, as though he would just go with the flow. It was an irritating expression, I realized. Does he even understand what position is in? He doesn't get the right to look so pitiful. He says he came back here for me but those were just empty—wait... my eyes blink up to the ceiling. Has Kongpob ever said that he wants me back? Well, not those exact words but he keeps saying he loves me all the time so I just inferred. So far he hasn't done anything to really push that fact. He doesn't want me back. He is here for some other reason I just don't know what it is yet.

"How much did you have to drink last night?" I asked, pushing a glass of hangover drink to him.

He accepted it and took a long sip before saying, "I don't know. I don't remember."