How to find your soulmate

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"What do you mean you can't?"

P'Arthit looked very desperate and his fingers were gripping my arm really tightly. I couldn't meet his eyes and I couldn't move away. Why did P'Arthit come back with such a question?

"You are really going to stand there and not say anything?" he asked, his voice hard. It felt painful not to reassure him and ease his feelings. I didn't want to lie to him which is why things became like this. Maybe I should have denied it when he asked me what I was hiding. It wasn't something I could even reveal to him in the first place, why did I accept it?

"Fine then, keep your secret." He shoved me and walked towards the door. "I will find out sooner or later. Winry seems to know what it is after all."

WInry? That was P'Arthit's step-mom. How can she know? "That's impossible," I said looking at him the way one would look at a wild cat. "This is something that no one else knows and I promise you P'Arthit it isn't what you are thinking. I haven't lied to you about anything since I came back. "

"Then why won't you say it? If it really isn't what I am thinking then you have nothing to worry about. Why are you keeping it a secret?"

"Because—"the words failed me. Because I don't want you to get too worried. Because I am scared you'd run away if you know. Because I don't want you to blame yourself after I die. I can't tell him any of this so I swallowed. "Just trust me."

P'Arthit laughed. "Sorry Kongpob but we aren't there yet in our relationship. I still distrust about seventy percent of the things that comes out of your mouth. I still expect you to disappear at the next minute. I can't trust you."

"I see." So that's how it is. I lowered my head, astonished at the amount of pain this caused me. We've only been dating for a little over two weeks, why did I think that P'Arthit no longer suspects me? Did I really think that he forgot about the two years I betrayed him.

Still there was nothing I can say to that. "I'm leaving," I said and walked towards the apartment to go grab my things, my head lowered the entire time.

He grabbed me when I passed him and I resisted weakly before giving up to listen to whatever else he still had to say. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be," I replied hastily, my throat scratchy, "you have every reason not to trust me. I haven't given you any reason to after all."

"Kongpob."

"Just let me go, I'm tired."

He exhaled. "I really am sorry. Paula messed with my head and I lashed out."

What did he say? "You met Paula."

There was a moment of 'oh shit' painted on his face then he clammed up. "Forget it, let's go inside."

"P'Arthit, we are still talking."

"Weren't you leaving?" he entered the apartment without waiting for me.

"I am not going anywhere until you tell me what you and Paula talked about. Why didn't you tell me you met her?" I marched into the apartment after him.

He stopped in the middle of the room, his shoulders tensed. What is he thinking? I can't see his face because I am standing behind him.

"I didn't want you to see her," he said in a rather loud voice. "I lied about who came to see me because I was worried about what you would do if you saw her again."

"P'Arthit." I loved how intense P'Arthit's feelings were and I knew that this instinct to cover up things and lie when it came to Paula, this irrationality was born from all the time I put him second. P'Arthit still thinks of himself as second and he believes that I would abandon him.