Lifeless / error sequal

19

TRIGGER WARNING:

- Eating disorders
- Abuse

c h a p t e r 1 9 :

f e a r a n d t r u s t

His voice echoed through my mind, day and night. I thought about him
more then I should have. Everyday. I imagine his lips back on my skin again and his hands squeezing my tigh.

It has been a little over a month since I came to Greenpeace. And exactly eight months since River passed away.

It felt longer. It almost feels like I have never known him at all. My memories were just memories. Long gone and never happening again.

'Angel? You were saying?'

'I-I think I'm ready to talk about...' I sigh 'River.'

Ann smiles a little. Her eyes filled with warmth. 'You are such a strong girl, and I want you to know that no one is forcing you to tell me anything. You say what you want to say.'

'Yes, thank you' I swallow 'I-I just really want to heal, feel like I am actually living and not just existing.'

'Well then, in order to heal, we have to start at the beginning'
she takes her notes 'tell me how you met.'

'The first time River west looked at me, I was in a parking lot, and he was pointing a knife at me, telling me to run as far away from him as I could.'

I should have listened.

•

'You look down' Evy looks at me with a serious glare 'did something happen?'

I stab my food with my fork, long cold. I haven't touched my food. It is bothering me. Eating has become a shore again. Something I have to do in order to stay alive. And to think I was doing so good....

'Can I ask you guys something?' I look up at them, Alyssa's plate is untouched and Evy props an entire scoop of pudding into her mouth while nodding.

'I didn't want to upset you or make you feel uncomfortable but you know why I am here' people around us are eating and talking, this is definitely not the place to ask but I don't know if I will have to courage to do this another time 'but why are you?'

Evy looks down, swallowing her pudding. Alyssa looks at her plate and then back again at me. 'You're right, you deserve to know' she looks at me, her eyes turning a little less happy 'I almost died a few months ago, because of my eating disorder, I have binge eating disorder and bulemia. But I guess you can tell.'

I could.

I knew it had something to do with an ED. She obviously never ate her food in the canteen, and everytime we went somewhere she used to ask me or Evy if she doesn't look fat in her outfit. Alyssa was skinny, very but at least she wasn't at a dangerous weight anymore.

My eyes slowly drifted to Evy. I had no idea what it could be with her. She was quiet.

I open my mouth to tell her it's fine and she doesn't have to tell me anything but before I could do that she pulled my closer to her, whispering in my ear. 'My parents are drugaddicts, I was being abused ever since I was then. At 16 I was completely destroyed, metally and physically.'

Something inside of me breaks. Her story was familiar to Sophia's. I can only imagine a younger Evy, being beaten and humiliated by both her parents. Even though my mother had died, I always had my dad. He had his secrets but I knew he would always be there for me. But Evy? She would forever be alone.