Love Bites (Harry Potter: Official Dragon Tamer, Part One)

Grindr?

Saturday Afternoon
16 May 2009
Harry's POV

"Oh, Harry," Hermione giggled and looked at me fondly like I was a lost puppy, and I didn't know whether to feel annoyed or grateful. Or both. "Do you not know about Grindr?"

"Grinder?" I asked. "No, never heard of it. The fuck is Grinder?"

"Well..." Hermione paused & bit her lip. "It's a Muggle app for... finding... men."

I stared at her for a moment.

"And?"

"Well. You might want to give it a go, is all," she said, smiling as she took a sip of her tea.

I was at the flat she shared with Ron for our regular Saturday afternoon tea and had been lamenting the awful luck I'd been having with the men I'd been pulling recently.

"I don't need any stupid app to find a bloke, Hermione," I huffed.

"Well, no," she paused and shot a cautious glance in my direction.

"What?"

"It's just that... with the app, I mean, I'm not 100% sure... as I've never used it... but, erm, I think you can set things to your... preferences. Or, you know, at least... swipe left on the ones who aren't your type?" she offered.

"What the hell are you going on about, my type," I demanded, fixing her with my best glare. She had the decency to blush and look sheepish as she stirred her tea.

"You know...." she murmured.

"No, Hermione, I don't know," I snapped, taking a gulp from my own cup. "I don't have a goddamn type unless you mean incredibly fit and male. Those are really about my only requirements." 

So, The-Boy-Who-Lived turned out to be a bit of a slut. So what?

"Oi, mate, she's talking about your size obsession," Ron bellowed from the kitchen as he returned with a plate piled with biscuits and sandwiches. It was his second round, of course.

"I do not have a size obsession," I informed them with a roll of my eyes.

Truthfully, I did, but hell if I was going to admit that to either of them.

"But if I'm going to go through the trouble of taking it up the arse, I'd much rather I could feel it."

Ron pulled a face.

"I mean, honestly, Harry, I'd imagine you can feel just about anything going up your arse."

I didn't even deign Ron a response. Just flipped him the bird as I drained my tea, then reached for a sandwich from his plate.

"Harry...." Hermione had that look on her face that she got when she was about to win you because she was Hermione, and everything she said was right.

"You kicked a bloke out of your flat after bringing him home because he didn't quite measure up...."

"He. Was. This. Big!" I snapped, holding my pinky finger in front of Hermione's face.

"I'm not even kidding. Micro-dicks are a thing. Look it up. He had no business parading around as a top with a dick that size."

Hermione just continued to look at me with that expression, and Ron sniggered around his mouthful of biscuit, earning himself another glare.

"Well, then, this app would certainly make sure you don't ever encounter a similar situation ever again," Hermione assured me with a knowing smile that made me shift my glare to her and steal another sandwich from Ron.