If Our Love Is Wrong || Jikook [COMPLETE]

Chapter 6

Jimin was struggling. A lot. He was on the verge of just grabbing Jungkook and smashing their mouths together. Jungkook would only have himself to blame if Jimin were to do it. Jungkook since the start of their Wings tour had just become a menace. To the point that Jimin wondered if there wasn't something more to the things Jungkook said and did. Even with that wonder that bloomed hope in Jimin he dared not give too much attention to it. Jimin knew that Jungkook was likely just playing things up for the crowds. For ARMY. Doing fanservice. Jimin hated fanservice. He didn't like the false hope that it gave him because he knew deep down that Jungkook would never reciprocate the feelings that he had harbored at this point for a couple of years now.

In the beginning when they debuted, he would tease Jungkook and joke around. But it was mostly because he was endeared by Jungkook with his big doe eyes and shy demeanor. Jimin also felt drawn to him because Jungkook too was from Busan. So, when he missed home, he would seek Jungkook out and the two of them would talk in satoori. Jungkook did the same with Jimin when he missed home. It wasn't until 2015 that Jimin started to realize that he was seeking Jungkook out for reasons that had nothing to do with Busan. When Jimin realized that he had developed actual nonplatonic feelings for Jungkook he was plagued with guilt. To this day he still struggles with his feelings of guilt torn between acting on his feelings and running from them. Out of his internal conflict his song Lie had been born. He wished he could go back to a time when he didn't know the difference. To obliviousness. It was torture having something you desperately wanted right in front of you but knowing you could never have it.

Jimin ran his fingers through his hair, something that had become a habit over the years. He knew that he should talk to someone about what he was going through. Taehyung, Hobi, someone. But every time he was on the verge of doing so, he would clam up. Scared of ruining everything. Scared of ruining BTS. So Jimin kept his struggles to himself. In the moments that it became too overwhelming he would go for a walk, find a quiet place, and cry the frustration, loneliness, and guilt out until he felt he could get through till the next breakdown. He felt himself teetering on the edge of a breakdown these days.

Jimin felt fingers that didn't belong to him run through his hair but instead of lurching away from the touch he leaned into it closing his eyes as he did. He knew who the deft fingers belonged too without even looking.

"I miss the pink." Jungkook spoke as he ran his fingers through Jimin's hair again. "But I like the brown too."

Jimin could hear the smile in his voice which made Jimin smile as well. But it was short lived the guilt he always felt when he reveled in Jungkook's touch taking over. Jimin sighed and opened his eyes. Jungkook was still smiling above him as he looked down at Jimin. Jungkook was looking at him fondly, at least that is how Jimin wanted to interpret it. Jimin stood up from the chair he sat in.

"Is it time to go back to the hotel?"

"What's wrong?" Jungkook asked instead of answering Jimin's question.

Jimin knew he wouldn't get away with responding nothing, so he gave a believable explanation.

"Just tired."

Jungkook looked at him for what felt like eternity before nodding his head.

"Same and yeah it's time to head back to the hotel."

Jimin was glad to be leaving the arena. Because the end of tonight's show started their break. He needed the break. Granted it wasn't really a break because he was going to be filming the video for Serendipity. Either way he would be able to take a breather. He even thought about maybe going home to Busan for a weekend instead of staying in Seoul the whole time.

"Are you sure you are, okay?" Jungkook's voice penetrated Jimin's thoughts.

Jimin looked around and wondered when they'd gotten to the hotel. When did he even get in and out of the car? How did he not notice any of that? Is he really that stressed out? Jimin cleared his throat.

"Yeah, just thinking about the break. Thinking about going home for a weekend during it."

"It's been so long since we've been home."

"Yeah, it has."

"Maybe I could join you? Come with you." Jungkook asked as he and Jimin stood in front of Jimin's door.

Jimin should have said no. That he needed space. But that wasn't what came out of his mouth.

"Sure."

Jungkook smiled, his face morphing into a bunny. Jimin melted at the sight of it. This is why Jimin rarely said no to him these days because he was rewarded with smiles like these. Jimin stood there for a while just admiring Jungkook when he looked away afraid that Jungkook would see the heat spreading across his cheeks. Jimin didn't even know why he was blushing.

"I'm going to go shower and get some sleep." Jimin spoke after a moment.

"All right. See you in the morning." Jungkook spoke walked toward his own room across from Jimin's room.

"Yeah."

With that Jimin gave a nod and went into his room and shut the door behind him. He rested his forehead against the door letting out a heavy sigh. So much for a break he thought before leaving the door and heading for the shower. He jumped into the shower and afterwards felt a bit better, his muscles loosened up and relaxed thanks to the scalding hot water. Jimin had just finished pulling a plain white tee shirt over his head when a knock sounded out from his door. Jimin walked to the door with the feeling that he would find Jungkook behind it. Jimin's hunch was correct and Jungkook stood before him hair damp wearing black sweats and a black t-shirt. Jimin didn't say a word, only opened the door further and stood aside to let Jungkook through.

"I thought you might be hungry." Jungkook said, passing Jimin into his room.

At his words Jimin noticed the bag that Jungkook had set on his bed. Jimin wanted to cry. He didn't. Instead, he smiled at Jungkook.

"Thanks, Jungkookie."

Jimin watched Jungkook empty the contents of the bag onto the middle of the bed between them. The two of them ate in silence like the other nights that Jungkook had come to his room with food after one of their shows. Just like those other nights Jungkook fell asleep in Jimin's bed. Just like those other nights Jimin laid on his side staring at Jungkook's profile listening to the sound of his sleep steady breathing.

Jimin lifted his hand from underneath his cheek and tentatively brought his fingers to Jungkook's forehead and carefully shifted the strands of his hair that were caught in his lashes. Jimin, thinking about the softness of his hair tucked his hand back under his cheek. Jimin was tracing Jungkook's features when he felt his eyes start to burn. It was the kind of burn that he knew all too well. Instead of fighting Jimin very carefully to not wake Jungkook, turned onto his other side facing away from Jungkook and let the tears come.

No sooner did the first tear slide down his cheek into the fabric of the pillow he laid against did he feel an arm wrap around his waist and warmth envelop his back. Jimin lay there frozen afraid to even breathe because this was something that hadn't happened all those other nights. Jimin was still holding his breath when he felt Jungkook nuzzle into the back of his neck like he had all that long ago night in his room last year. What happened next though hadn't happened that night. Jimin felt warm lips pressed against the skin at the base of his neck.

"Kook?" Jimin questioned thinking maybe Jungkook was asleep and dreaming.

In answer Jimin felt another press of lips into his skin. This time it was behind his ear. Jimin's eyes widened but quickly closed when he felt another press of lips at his jaw below his ear. Jimin with eyes still closed felt fingertips caress his jaw before clutching it gingerly and tilting his head backwards.

"Tell me to stop hyung." Jungkook breathed against his lips.

Jimin felt his entire being shutter at Jungkook's words. Jimin knew he should tell him to stop. That they shouldn't do this. That everything would change if they did do this. Yet Jimin couldn't bring those words past his lips because it wasn't what he really wanted. What he really wanted was to see what Jungkook would do if he remained silent. So that's what he did.