Horse Stone (Book 1 of Ilyrian Series)

Chapter 83

A/N: Slight trigger warning, nothing bad, but just wanted it there.

___________________________________________________________

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded before I cleared my throat and let go of her hand. "Let's go," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I opened the car door and poked my cat. "Let's get out of the car," I said. "I think Shadow is ready for me to go to him."

My cat huffed but flicked her tail. She grumbled before she hopped off of my lap and moved to the console. She flicked her tail again and looked annoyed.

I shook my head at my cat and smiled a little, happy that she still acted the same, even though I was in a bad place. I took a deep, shuddering breath and unbuckled my seat belt before I got out of the car.

Once I was out of the car, Vanar whickered in greeting. His ears were pricked towards me, and he bowed his head, gesturing for me to come to him. "Hurry up!" he exclaimed, and I rolled my eyes and scowled. "You are taking too long."

I didn't respond and closed the car door as soon as Tigra jumped out of the car too. I walked over to him, ignoring the fact that I was still in my school uniform and in flats because I had a feeling that the Headmaster wouldn't care if they got messy since he knew that I knew about Ilyrian and about him.

Vanar waited near the fence, and he followed me to the gate so that I could enter from the other side. He didn't give me a snarky response about how I should just climb over the fence because he knew that I didn't feel comfortable doing it in a skirt.

I walked through the gate after I opened it and closed it once I was through. I didn't say another word while I turned around from the gate towards my horse and flung my arms around his neck, letting out a small, strangled sob.

Vanar didn't say a word and tucked me closer to his body. He whickered gently and didn't say a word while I cried, the sobs shaking my body while I let all of the fear and pain go.

Dani didn't say a word while I cried. She stayed on the other side of the fence, but I could feel her pain and guilt because she had no idea what was happening to me or why I was crying.

Finally, after a few minutes, I stopped crying and kept my face buried into my horse's neck. I took a deep, shuddering breath and cleared my throat, my eyes closed. "I guess now is the best time to ask your questions, Dan," I said, my voice barely above a whisper and slightly muffled. "What are they?"

"Are you sure?" Dani asked. "I mean, we can do this later if y-"

"If you don't do it now, then I will find ways to divert your questions and not answer them," I said, interrupting her. "Don't change your mind."

Dani pressed her lips together and nodded. She cleared her throat and shifted on her feet, her gaze on my back. She was trying to read me; I could tell, but she wasn't getting anywhere because she huffed in annoyance and cleared her throat. "Why are you scared of Ethan?" she asked.

I shrugged and grimaced. My heart pounded a bit in my chest, and I couldn't breathe when his sneering face appeared in my mind, but I quickly got out of that, even though I knew it wasn't fast enough because Dani leaned closer to the fence, her gaze on me. "There are multiple reasons why I am scared of him," I admitted. "It's not just one reason."

Dani slowly nodded and furrowed her brows. She cleared her throat and shifted on her feet, looking nervous. "Did he ever abuse you?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Pain and fear filled her voice, and I picked up on something else, something that surprised me because there shouldn't be a reason for her to feel this way. However, I had no idea what she was thinking, what she was feeling and could only guess.

I licked my lips and slowly nodded. "Yes," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing while I waited for her questions to arise.

My heart pounded hard in my chest, and I slowly started to shake. I couldn't stop it; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't.

I wanted to change the subject. I wanted to be strong and go forth with the conversation, but I couldn't. I could do neither but shake with fear at what they would think about me when it was all out in the open.

Dani gasped, and I heard a small bit of fear in her voice while she picked up on what I didn't say. "Oh, Ley," she said, her voice breathless. Sadness and guilt filled her voice, and there was no trace of malice like I thought there would be. "How did it happen?"

I shrugged and cleared my throat, pushing my fear away, even though it didn't go too far. "It just did," I said softly. I licked my lips and cleared my throat while I shifted on my feet. "I didn't know that he was abusing me until it was too late."

"Are you comfortable telling us how he abused you?" Dani asked softly. She was hesitant, and I had a feeling that she didn't know if I was comfortable with telling them this or not. "Or...?" She trailed off and waited for me to say something, to tell her that I was comfortable or not so that we could talk about something else, something less fearful.

I let out a breathless chuck and shook my head, no. "I am not, but I have to," I said with a small whisper in my voice. I closed my eyes and cleared my throat. I hugged myself closer to Vanar, my heart never slowing down its steady thump, thump, thump. "Ummm, it's why I don't want you to think any differently about me."

"I won't," Dani promised. "And Vanar won't either." She looked at my horse. and he snorted and rolled his eyes.

Vanar nuzzled me deeper, being gentle as if he thought I was made of glass. "I won't judge you, Hadley," he said softly. "We are bound to each other no matter what happens or what has happened. Ok?"

I slowly nodded and cleared my throat, clutching him tighter to me. My heart leaped into my throat, and it grew harder and harder to breathe.

I didn't want to tell them what had happened to me. I didn't want them to know and to continue to hide it, but I knew that I had opened the can of worms, and it was too late to close it.

Gods, please let what they say be true, I silently prayed but didn't say a word about what he had done to me.

"Can... I guess, and you just tell me if what I say is true or not?" Dani asked softly, and I slowly nodded after a moment's pause. "Has he physically abused you?" she asked.

I stayed silent and nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"Has he emotionally abused you?"

Again, I nodded.

"What about mentally abusing you?"

For a third time, I nodded. I didn't say a word; I couldn't. I couldn't form any sentences, and it felt like my mind was numb.

There was this tension in the air when she got to the last question. Fear lingered in the air, and I had a feeling that they prayed that what she was about to ask wasn't true, even though there was this deep sinking feeling amongst them.

"What about sexually abusing you?" Dani asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper while she looked at me. Her gaze never left my back, and I could tell that she was praying that he hadn't sexually abused me, and that was the only thing I didn't receive from him.

However, I didn't, for it wasn't true.

He had abused me sexually after he had raped me. He forced himself upon me after he "buttered" me up, telling me how much he loved me and how he could make me feel, even though all he did was push me around and threaten me.

He loved laying on top of me and forcing himself on me, not letting me "enjoy" any time we had together because he always loved it rough, even when I didn't want it.

He loved causing me pain.

"He did," I said and tightened my grip on Vanar, hoping that he wouldn't pull away from me because it was out in the open that I wasn't innocent. "He started to sexually abuse me after he had raped me."