Horse Stone (Book 1 of Ilyrian Series)

Chapter 84

"He did what?" Dani asked angrily, and I flinched at her tone. She didn't pay attention to the flinch, and I could tell that she was super angry about the information that she found out from me. "What the actual fuck?" she asked. "How did this happen? Were you ever going to tell us about this? What did you see in him that made you stay in that relationship?"

I didn't respond and shrugged. My whole body was tense, and my heart pounded in fear. I had no idea what to say, what to do, and I prayed that I could slowly leave this place where I felt as if I was something that shouldn't be alive.

"Danielle," Vanar warned, interrupting her from her tirade. He hadn't moved from his spot like I thought he would, and I had no idea if it was because I was holding him too tight or not, but I was grateful that he didn't because I needed him more now than ever. "Stop. You are scaring her."

Dani stopped and looked at me. Guilt filled her body, and I knew that it was because she saw how much I was shaking and how tightly I was holding onto Vanar as if he were my lifeline, keeping me grounded and in one spot. "Ley?" she asked.

I took a deep breath and let it out with a small whoosh while I closed my eyes and tried to calm my beating heart. "Um..." I cleared my throat. "I'm fine," I said. "Don't worry about me."

Dani scoffed a laugh, and I had a feeling that she rolled her eyes. "You're my sister," she said. "I am going to worry about you." She cleared her throat and grew serious. "Is it better when I ask questions, or do you want to try to explain everything that happened?" she asked.

I shrugged and grimaced. "It's painful either way," I admitted. I licked my lips and cleared my throat. "I hear his voice every time that I want to tell someone, but it's mainly to do with our family." My voice was barely above a whisper, and I had no idea if she heard it or not.

Vanar nuzzled me before he took a step back, indicating that he wanted me to let go and look at him.

I squeezed my eyes tighter shut and pressed my lips into a thin line. I didn't want him to leave me. I didn't want to see his emotions nor see that he thought of me as a failure, even though a part of me knew that he wouldn't.

"Hadley, let go and look at me," Vanar said gently and nudged me. "I know that you are going to need to see what I say is true, even if you won't believe me in the beginning."

I groaned but did what I was told to do and let go of him. I took a step back and opened my eyes while I looked at him, praying that he wasn't upset with me about losing my virginity when I had no control over it.

Vanar lifted his face until it was close to mine and breathed in before he breathed out, shooting some small hairs that didn't fit into my braid to the sides of my face.

Gently, he nuzzled my cheek, and I closed my eyes while a single tear fell because I knew that this was his way of saying that he didn't care that I wasn't a virgin and that it wasn't my fault for someone taking something that was supposed to be precious to me and only me.

I closed my eyes harder and rubbed the bridge of his nose. My heart grew warm, and I was happy and grateful that he was still with me and still thought that I should have been chosen for the position that I received.

"Hadley?" Dani asked, her voice soft. There was a trace of guilt and sadness in it, and I had a feeling that she found something that I tried to keep hidden. "Can I ask you something?"

"You already did," I said, my voice barely above a whisper, earning a small snort from her. I cleared my throat and shifted on my feet before I opened my eyes and finally turned to look at her.

Pain and sadness filled her blue eyes, and they looked just like sapphires while they stared into mine. She frowned, and worried lines creased her forehead, making her look older than she was. "Did you think that just because someone took away your innocence that you wouldn't be the person for the job if we found out?"

I hesitated but nodded. "It's been said that a person pure in all aspects was the one that you were waiting for," I said. I shrugged and grimaced while I looked down and kicked at the dirt. "And, I'm not. I'm not that person because of what Ethan had done to me."

Vanar nuzzled me again, and I looked at him, wanting to see what he had to say. "The stone chose you for a reason," he said, his voice gentle and soothing. "It doesn't matter that you are not pure in that form. You are pure of heart, and that is what counts."

"What he says is true," Dani said, agreeing with him. She sighed and shook her head, smiling sadly when I glanced at her with wide eyes. She grew serious and studied me, and I couldn't help but look down again because I couldn't look at her any longer. "Who knows?" she asked, and I had a feeling she wanted to know who knew about me being raped.

I licked my lips and cleared my throat while I shifted on my feet. "Adrian, Dr. Wilson, Dr. Weiner, and the Headmaster," I said, my voice still barely above a whisper. I grimaced and shrugged. "Those are the only people that know that I was raped."

"Do all of them know the whole story?" Dani asked, and I shook my head, no. "Who does?"

"Dr. Wilson, Adrian, and the Headmaster," I replied. I cleared my throat and shifted on my feet some more. "I was going to tell Dr. Weiner, but..." I shrugged and grimaced, feeling guilty that I didn't tell him when all he had been was kind and helpful.

"Did you get scared?" she asked.

I nodded and stayed silent.

Dani cocked her head and studied me some more, and I didn't meet her gaze. "Will you tell us?" she asked, finally. She cleared her throat and grew serious, and I had a feeling that she shifted on her feet. "I know that you feel uncomfortable about telling us the whole story, but I think that it would do you some good if you did."

"But..." I began but trailed off, not knowing what to say. What if it changes the way that you both perceive me..? I silently asked, leaving the question hanging in the air.

Vanar nuzzled my shoulder, and I looked at him. Compassion and sadness filled his eyes while he stared at me, and I had a feeling that he was sad that I was feeling this way and hopeful that I would allow them to help me. "Nothing you say will change the way that we think of you," he said. "What is in the past is in the past and has transformed you into the female, the fighter you are today. Ok?"

I took a deep, shuddering and jerked my head as if to nod. "Ok," I said finally after a moment's pause. I cleared my throat and looked at my sister. "Then I'll tell you. I'll tell you my story and still pray that you won't think any differently of me."