Hang Your Halo

Ten

"Everything's addin' up, you been through hell and back, that's why you bad as fuck"
Make Me Proud x Drake feat. Nicki Minaj

Beckham

The phrase "time heals all wounds" is a load of horseshit.  Well, let me clarify.  The wound is no longer wide open and bleeding, but it's still there, still healing.  There are so many things I wish my parents were here for, but most of all, I just miss talking to them about anything and everything.  I miss their advice, their laughs, hell I even miss them telling me when I messed up.  Aunt Carole gave me a little nugget of wisdom at their funeral and it's stayed with me ever since and gives me a little comfort when I'm down.  "Grit your teeth and let it hurt.  Don't push it down, but don't let it consume you.  Grief only exists where love lived first."  I loved it so much, I got the first part tattooed and the date I lost them along a scar I have from the crash down my spine, and it's been my mantra ever since. I have multiple tattoos, but that one is my favorite.  I roll out of bed, shaking off yesterday's somber mood.  Now, I won't lie and say I don't have days where I feel like I've been sucker punched with how much I miss them.  But every year, on the anniversary of their death, I let all the hurt out and don't try to push past it.  This is the third year Jake has been with me for it, and I'd be a mess without him.  The first time he found me in tears, I swear he almost had a heart attack

August 2nd, 2019
I had tried my best at holding it together today, since our task force is basically still a baby at just over a year old and I don't want to cause any trouble by missing a day.  I made it through most of the day before my heart couldn't hold it in any longer.  I darted off to the locker room after Hangman landed the helo following evasive maneuver training with the team.  I couldn't let him of all people see me upset, he's such an overconfident shithead that I would rather drink sour milk than show him any sign of weakness.  Unbeknownst to me, he had followed quickly on my heels, concerned I'd gotten hurt during the exercise.  I rushed through the door, all but falling onto a bench in the middle of all the metal lockers and dropping my head in my hands.  I let out the sobs I'd been choking back all day, not noticing the door opening behind me.  "Shit!  Halo, are you hurt?  Fuck, tell me where, let me see it," Hangman reached for my arms, eyes darting all over, looking for any sign of injury.  "Halo, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong.  Talk to me" he urged. "Beckham!  Look at me!"  His use of my name instead of my callsign caught my attention.  "It...hurts...here" I stutter out between breaths and point to my heart.  "Beckham, eyes on me.  You gotta breathe so we can get through this."  He placed my hand on his chest, right over his heart, and held my face between his giant hands.  "Ok, focus on my heartbeat and breathe with me.  In...out...in....out.  Atta girl, there we go," he cooed at me.  I finally settled enough to explain to him what was going on.  His eyes softened and he pulled me into a hug. "You can let go, just promise me you'll keep breathing.  Once you've gotten it all out, we're going to get milkshakes.  There's no use in us going back to training anyway, we kicked some serious ass and they just couldn't keep up."  I could feel him smirk against me, soothed by his steady heartbeat.  A few minutes later, I finally gathered enough strength to look up and make eye contact with him.  "I swear Bagman, if you use this against me, you'll be incapable of having children." I shot him a serious look that he returned.  "I would never, I promise.  I may be a dickhead, but I wouldn't ever do that to you.  I'm a man of my word, you won't hear a thing about it again unless you want to talk about it."  "Pinky promise?" I asked, holding my little finger out.  "Pinky, as long as you promise to never scare the shit out of me like that again" he replied, hooking his finger around mine.  I nodded as we stood up and headed to the parking lot.  I sent Uncle Mav a text explaining what happened and where we were going.  As expected, he approved, while shocked Seresin had a heart after all. 

Present
We had been thick as thieves ever since, and true to his word, he never held my meltdown against me.  I'm also pretty sure he put that day in his calendar for the next year, because he made sure we didn't have an op and brought me the same milkshake I ordered.  Everyone was stunned at his genuine caring actions towards me that day and proclaimed me the Hangman whisperer.  He could still be a ridiculously cocky douchebag, but the whole team got impossibly close and slowly became a family, so they reluctantly came to love him too.  I smile fondly at the memory as I pad into the bathroom for a shower.  My eyes are swollen and slightly bloodshot, but I expect nothing less.  While the blender mixes my breakfast protein smoothie, I grab the gel pads for my eyes from the freezer.  I quickly press them onto my puffy dark circles and hope they bring down some of the swelling.  After pouring the heavenly mixture into my favorite tumbler, I make my way back into the bathroom to finish getting ready for the morning.  Ten minutes later, I have my hair braided, my favorite Stila color corrector applied to cover what they gel pads couldn't help, and a quick coat of mascara on my lashes.  Flightsuit on and zipped, I head out of the door for the day. 

When I arrive at the hangar, Jake is leaned up against his truck waiting for me with my favorite iced coffee in hand.  "You spoil me, Bagman.  Thank you," I tell him as I wrap him in a hug.  "Eh, it was on my way and I wanted coffee.  Solely an act of convenience that you got one too," he winked down at me as he went to take a sip of his drink.  I nudge his side with my elbow as we make our way into the building. "Just say you're welcome, dipshit.  What do you think we're in for today?  I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Mav tells us one of us is secretly Genovian royalty whose long lost grandma is ready to pass on the crown at this point." I huff dramatically.  "Watched Princess Diaries after I left, did we?" Jake asks.  "Yep, 1 and 2.  Did you know there were-" I start but am quickly cut off by Jake. "Rumors of a third?  Yeah, you told me all about it short stack," he chuckled.  "Queen Clarisse is a long shot, but I'm about 96% sure we're getting our cover story and backgrounds today.  You ready for this?"  "Listen pretty boy, as long as you've never cheated on me and got me a pretty ring and big house, I'm good.  You?" I asked.  "So good, I'm too good to be true, Halo.  Our future...er past? awaits!"