Ryeji Oneshots

On and Off

I am here. She is here. But still we are not actually together. Our minds are flying up in the sky like a rainbow kite playing with the wind. Not too high neither too low. Just right between the horizon where its floating freely as the the definition of superficial itself.

Only that our mind isnt superficially floating. Little do we know that both of our minds had been weighted with the same problem.

Its in the way that we are taking glances at each other's presence. Pretending to not be bothered when one of us laughing with other person. Ignoring the aching feelings in our hearts in hoping to heal the wound that embided far behind our ego mask plastered facial.

Then, our eyes meet and trust me, her feline brown eyes is still the most beautiful thing in the whole world. Sharp but innocent. Perfectly emitting her personality and behaviour that are sensitive and bubbly. Every details are just as the same as the first time I met her but oddly different at the same time.

Its more heavy. More apart. It feels more distant as I cant see any sparks anymore. Cant feel any sparks. Whats left now is just the void of emptiness that fill up the spots where warmness used to settle in and I find myself letting that go. Not caring much to my surprise. Perhaps the odd difference isnt odd afterall.

Its familiar. Almost nostalgic. My heart that always had been beating so fast when I were physically around her is now suffocated within that situation.

"I-I dont actually know how to put this together. We are growing apart and staying now sounded like something ridiculous to do. I-I think we should break apart, shouldnt we?"

Totally suffocating. Like deep in the ocean where we are gasping out for something that keep us alive. Pleading. Prying for it to come back into our lungs cause it is important. It was important. Not anymore since we are in the wrong place. It shouldnt be here. It has been forced out from our lungs by the pressure around us and its relieving.

Oxygen.

Yeji is mine. Yeji was mine. My oxygen. My breathes. Forced out from my lungs when I am still prying for it. Begging while hopelessly letting it go.

Yes. I let her go.

"O-okay."

Why did I say that?

There are several circumstances that cross my mind when we talk about that question. Is it because I dont see her as much as I used too? Is it because things were different now that we are in a different place? Or is it because of the future that is uknown yet scary for that we determine to keep on pursuing it? Keep on obsessing with it until we forget. We abandon things that we use to have.

As people say that every victory needs a sacrifice. If its right then why is it our love that needs to be our sacrifice?

Is it really necessary?

Would those night be warmer if I just had the gut to knock on your dorm's door? Would your eyes be dry if I just made times for you despite all of the training? Even if its just little things like a red rose in the morning, sneaking kisses, chocolate delivery and late night chat. It should had been different right?The ending of this story would be different. It must be.

Cause in the end, all of those are just probablities that I turned off when I had the chance to create it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Im awake from my deep sleep when I feel a pair of hands slid across my stomach. I gasp. At first, I thought it was a ghost so I actually stop breathing for a second. My brain was malfunctioning as I cant figure out what to react. I mean, I had been crying all night, ghost. Cant you atleast have mercy on me by not haunting me in the middle of the night?

"I am sorry."

I let out my breathes when I hear her whisper near my ear. Immediately, I turn my face to her before burying my head on her chest. Hugging her tight as I dont want her to go. I dont want her to leave again.

Truthfully, I am in total shock as why she is here. But I am not complaing and I will never ever will. I had been wanting this for a long time since we enter this company. We are trainees now and dreams come with consequences. We had to keep our relationship as lowkey as possible which leading to us forgeting about our bond. Our secret that is slowly fading and of course I am mad.

I mean. Not that we dont have time together. Its just egoistic that make me think to not running to her whenever I had my free time. In my mind, I want her to run to me. To invite me. To cherish and show me what our love means all over again.

I am mad at myself for acting childish and I am mad at her too as she didnt seem to care.

As I almost considering of to end this last night, here she is. Crying softly while keeping me close to her. Remembering me of reasons why we are here in the first place. When I first say that I love her back in our old dorm in our highschool.

Now I am glad to say it again.

"I love you and I-I want you to know that nothing would make me go against you. I will be better. I will bring chocolate every free time. I will chat you every night even if my eyes have to be stapled open or even if its just a goodnight. I will do everything cause.. cause.."

Of course, she will say it first wouldnt she? Ryuddaeng.. My ryuddaeng..

I chuckle as I see how she struggles to form words to keep assurering me when I am literally convinced and oblivious to what she means by all that.

"I love you too. And I am sorry too. I were selfish and dumb enough to forget about us."

I say as my palm reaches out for her wet cheeks before slightly caressing it with my thumb. She sighs in so much contentment as if she has just get back the ability to breath. As if she has just gotten to gasp for oxygen.

She puts her hand on top of mine before staring at me. Despite the darkness in my room yet I can still feel the warmness of her gaze that its melting me down in thousands different ways.

"Thank you."

She whispers before her lips meet mine in such a soft and delicate way. Its like she is telling me that its alright. That she is sorry. That she loves me and that is what most important for me.

Even knowing that this relationship may not be good. May not be bad. Like a switch that can be turn on and off in every second that we be saying we love each other. Yet, I am no longer afraid cause now I will make sure to not turn off the switch no more.

I dont know what to say or do for the future but I promise to love her as if she is my oxygen.