{~SMILE~}Depressed Denki x Shinsou (ShinKami/KamiShin)

9: Atte𝙼pts

just me

Intrusive thoughts

thinking to the voice in his head

"talking=

texting

flashback

~~~~

"I can teach you," Shinso says gently.

~~~~ 

Denki Pov cause I had a breakdown and my 'friend' is mad at me for being rude instead of slitting my FUCKING wrists. :')

He just feels bad for you. He doesn't love you. You're a waste of life. You should just kill yourself. Maybe I should. Lying to someone is normal but of something so big. He obviously only is saying this because he pities me. Even I am not that stupid.  "I- I have to go". I say lamely. I wish he were telling the truth. I wish it were real. I wish I were worth it. I know I'm not. He must know it too. I stand to leave and he grabs my arm. I whimper and his eyes widen, dropping my arm. I clutch my arm close to my body "I'm so sorry, Kaminari. I- I forgot please forgive me!" Shinso says a little too loud. I flinch away from him. 

I ignore him and look for an escape. He is blocking the door to the hallway, there's a bathroom but I have no clue if it leads to Eri's room. I notice a window behind me. I can't see it, but I feel the light breeze. Without thinking, I sprint the short distance and dive out the window. Landing on my legs, a jolt of pain goes through me as I dash home. 

I make it home and to my room before it hits me that m father is in there. I start down the stairs when I hear the door close. Mom's home. After she stopped helping Caring caring I had to be perfect around her or she would hit me, not without reason, but for the most minor reasons. "Hi, Mama," I say after getting within a reasonable distance of her. "Hello Daiki," She says with a voice like sugar-coated venom. "H-how are you today?" I ask, cursing myself for stuttering. She chooses to ignore my stutter and replies with an edge to her voice. "Let us take a walk shall we?" I nod and she leads me out the door. My mother is a nurse, so she normally ensures I don't die. She leaves me wounded but not to the point of death. My father couldn't care less.

As we walk she asks me about school. She usually is decent to me, unlike my father. "Exemplary. I have all 100's," I say. It must be a mistake. There's no way something as stupid as you could have all A's. I know. Trust me I know. My mother's lips curve upwards in a small smile. "Good," She says. My mother has never really been that mean. Her yellow eyes contrast with her dark blouse and they seem formless and emotionless. "Are you okay, Mama?" I ask, worried for her. "I love you, you know that?" She asks, sincerity in every part of her voice. I nod and she smiles slightly. "I'm so sorry for everything. I really do care about you, but also I never wanted you" She says her voice changing from sincerity to a silent plea. Even she wants you gone. "I know, Mama. I should go to sleep. I don't want to ruin my grades," I say earning a nod. As I walk away I scratch at my wrists, causing them to bleed again. I make it to my room and grab my night bag for when I want to sneak out. My night bag holds a blade, a vape. two grams of weed, a battery pack, and a few chargers. Oh, and a speaker and my laptop. The last item it contains is a small notebook containing poetry. Not very good poetry, but poetry nonetheless. It stays in my bag as my parents and siblings don't know about it.

I take one last glance at my room before jumping out the window for the last time. I quickly go off plan, and head to the Skyside building. After a long walk, I make it. The Skyside building is 60 stories. The tallest building in Japan. I get inside and go to the top floor. My alarm for waking up rings and I realize how late it got. I quickly make my way to the elevator and go to the last floor. I walk up a small stairway to the roof and lay on the floor. I take off my phone and start writing my notes. 
(Bakugo

You may be wondering what happened but that's simple. I'm ridding myself of this world. You would be better off without me. I'm nothing but a waste of air. Please take care of everyone. Even Jiro. I'm nothing but a liar and a cheat. I don't deserve anything. I got only what I deserved. Don't worry about me. It's better now.)

I finish the note and lock it before moving on. 

(Jiro

I love you, bae. Don't worry about coming out, also everyone pretty much ships you with momo anyways. Iida is one of the only straight people in the class. Even Sensei is a bit fruity not gonna lie. Don't mourn me. Celebrate. I'm freed from the claws of this wretched world. Please take care of yourself. if u don't i will fucking kill u OvO)

I lock that one too before moving on to Shinso

 (Shinso

I fucking love you, and for that I'm sorry. I really hate myself for loving you. I know I shouldn't. I know you were lying to me when you said it back to me. I know that nobody could love a monster like me. I know and I'm sorry. For everything. For dumping my life and all my problems on you. Lots of people have it worse. Lots of people. I don't even have it bad. If you were wondering, I'm pregnant. I already know that I'm a slut so now you know too. I'm so, so sorry. For everything. Please never be sad about me. About this. I guess this is a good time for a more complete explanation. You already know that I'm trans. You already know I'm pregnant and I cut. But why?

My father has abused me physically, mentally, and sexually since I was about 7. The kids don't know. I've protected them. It's the least I could do. My father rapes and molests me. Nothing new. I've had one abortion and am on to the second. My mother is the best and worst thing that's happened to me. She's toxic and abusive, but also the sweetest thing ever. I fucking love you so please remember me the way that I want to be remembered. As the 1-A class clown.)

I let a tear slip out as I lock it before taking a hit of my vape. "Tastes like lemonade" I whisper to myself. I place everything back in my bag after finishing the rest of the 'letters' and sending them each their passwords. I get a few 'what's that for' and only reply that they will know. The last one I write is to the kids. 

(Kids

I'm sorry, but now yall can be happy. Tell mom I'm gone. Please don't be sad. I'm in a better place now. With no problems or anything. Inei, take care of them, and don't give up on your career as a musician. Twins, keep each other safe. The bond of twins is unlike any other. Yua, not gonna lie you're fucked up, but you could be anything. Never give up.)

I place my bag somewhere it is easy to find and take off my password. Before I finish I pull out a cigarette and light it. I sit on the edge of the building as I smoke for the last time. Once I finish I get rid of the bud and sit back down. I take one final glance at the stars before closing my eyes and pushing myself over the edge/

hahahahahaha 

Yall thought I would be functional. I tried. Tell me why I can sleep for 5 hours after school. Wake up to eat and go back to sleep the whole night. AND STILL wAKE UP LATE FOR SCHOOL. lol. i tried updating but I was happy for a min and was hyper and playing basketball and ima go out for cross country and then basketball. but also HOLY SHIT SO MANY FVCKUNG READS. tyyyyy.

word count:  1381

:)