Blurred | Lines

Fifteen

Eric's just staring at me. Staring, and Four is nowhere to be found.

I look over at, leaning on the wall. "How much did you see?"

"All of it." Eric responds, rubbing the bridge of his nose.  "What was that about?"

"I don't know." I sigh, before sitting up straight.

"Your mother... she was there. Why?"

"Because when she died, she left me. She left my dad." I sigh, sitting down on the floor. I tuck my hair behind my ear, brushing my bangs out of my face.

"You think it's a bad thing. Maybe that's what makes you who you are. You're strong. Maybe that's what makes you strong."

"Maybe I'm tired of being strong. Maybe I don't want to be strong all the time. Maybe I want someone to be strong for me for once!"

I raise my head at him, eyes narrowed. "Just tell me how long it took me to get out."

"Twelve minutes. It took you twelve minutes to get out of seven fears." Eric explains, and I stand up, taking a shaky breath.

"You don't get that choice, Lillian. Sometimes, we have to be strong, even when we don't want to."

"You think I have a choice? I have to be strong, because I am raging war with myself and personal demons, and I can't drown them! They are immune. They know how to swim. You may not have demons to fight, but I do! I do... and I'm tired of fighting. If I give up... I will did because they will kill me."

Eric sighed, turning his piercing. I roll my eyes at him and turn to walk to the door, but he grabbed my arm.

"Lillian. Just listen to me." He says, and I stare at him. "What do you like to do?"

I'm crying, still startled. I feel tears running down my cheeks, and I blink tears away.

I hated feeling like this. Weak. It was disgusting. I hated it so much. The hatred I felt boiled in my blood, driving me insane. It felt like some kind of venom, poisoning me like a toxin.

"Why?" My voice croaks. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm trying to calm you down." Eric sighs.

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." I huff, before walking out the room, my arm covering my face. I sigh, before tilting my head up.

I had to look strong. I couldn't be weak, not in front of my peers. I didn't care what they thought, but one thing was certain, I wasn't weak.

Four comes back, his eyes looking at me. He looks uncertain, worried even. Lauren looks up, and her brows furrow together, and I shake my head.

I didn't want to talk about it.

I walk across the glass floor, and I hear the sound of footfall behind me.

I jog down the stairs, and Eric grabs my arms, before he sighs. "Your mother was Erudite, right?"

I nod hesitantly. "Yes."

"She used to read to you, didn't she?" He questions.

"Yeah, when I was small." My brows furrow as he tugs me along, dragging me behind him.

We stop near the Dauntless archive, and he pushes open a door. I am greeted by shelves and shelves of books.

"How long has it been since you've read?" He asks, as I tuck my hair behind my ears.

"A few years, I guess. I didn't read unless I had to after my mom died. Wasn't as interesting."

"Well, how about we try again?"