The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

05 : The Lame Night

I had to put up with a lot of people and let them think that I am enjoying the party when deep inside, I do not like it a little bit. A lot of people, a lot of conversations I've heard, and a lot of fake laughter. I am so lucky I cannot see the faces of these people who are not here to celebrate but ridicule me.

"Happy birthday, ate Ari." Excited na boses ni Raia iyon at kasunod ay naramdaman kong hawak na niya ang kamay ko. "Ang ganda mo po."

"Alam ko," walang pagdadalawang-isip na sambit ko. Just like her mother, she already knows how I speak and respond to people. Even Ranz is afraid to have a conversation with me sometimes. "Kumain na ba kayo?"

"Opo, ate. Ang sarap-sarap ng lechon kaso kawawa naman 'yong baby na baboy."

I do not know if I should reply to her or just smile. I can feel the sadness on her voice and even her hand that is holding me got tighter. How small can that pig be that she's too concerned about it?

"There would be fireworks later on. Manood kayo."

"Opo. Thank you sa pagpayag na dumalo kami rito, ate!"

I smiled. Mayamaya pa ay si Nanay Meera na lang ang natira sa tabi ko habang ang lahat ay abala na sa pagsasasya. Napabuntonghininga na lang ako dahil bagot na bagot na ako. Every birthday parties is a torture for me but I could not say no. Otherwise my Dad will unintentionally torture me with more complicated birthday celebrations that is why this party is the simplest of all that he has in mind. This is the safest one.

"Dito mo na patulugin sina Raia at Ranz, 'nay. Malaki naman ang kwarto mo. Kung hindi sila magkasya, pwede sila sa guests room. Gabi na. Delikado na kung uuwi silang dalawa ngayon."

"Hay naku sa kwarto ko na lang, 'nak. Nakakahiya naman kung sa guests room pa sila."

Muli na lang akong nanahimik at nakikinig sa paligid. The song in the background is smooth and doesn't bother my hearing. It is just the perfect sound for this party. I can still hear people gossip about a lot of things.

"I am your desires. I am your lust."

Napamura ako nang maalala ko na naman ang boses ng lalaking iyon. Leopold. That man I saw is taking too much of my focus.

 

"You called me,"

 

"Feed me."

 

Halos bente-kwatro oras ko nang iniisip kung ano ang ibig sabihin noon. I am his lust, but he wants me to feed him. That sounds like the major chess pieces. The king and queen, but I cannot say for sure if this is a chess I am playing or if he is an opponent or just my delusion. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang may nangyari sa amin at habang ginagawa ko iyon ay malinaw na malinaw sa paningin ko ang kabuuan niya.

"Fuck with me."

 

"Feed me."

 

"I don't need my eyes while pleasuring you. I am the pleasure I want you to see, Ariella."

 

Paulit-ulit na ang mga salitang ito sa isip ko na pati ang boses niya ay kabisado ko na rin.

Leopold, what are you?

 

"My daughter cannot be here tonight. May check-up siya bukas. Hindi siya pwedeng ma -"

"I did not invite your daughter in my birthday party. You do not have to worry about it." Pinutol ko ang boses ni Mommy Kayla na nagmula sa harapan ko. Naaaninaw ko rin ang napakalabo niyang bulto sa ngayon. I bet she is like a mad gasul again. "Teenage pregnancy is quite hard. I understand your daughter's dilemma."

Nanahimik na naman si Mommy Kayla. Mukhang nagpigil ng galit bago ko mamalayan ang pag-alis niya. She won't do anything stupid in front of these people because the same people have the same say on her - just a play thing. That is what I like about people with prejudice. We share the common thoughts on judging one's intention. It is not a good thing, but at least we already thought of it and expected a lot of ways somethings might go. It will hurt us less. That is what people like me who is prone to getting manipulated and purposely lied to for ill intentions uses as our armour. No one can hurt us except ourselves.

"Nanay Meera, pagod na po ako. Tara na sa kwarto." I said. Tumayo na rin at agad kong naramdaman ang kamay niya sa aking braso. "Masakit ang ulo at kailangan ko ng pahinga."

Everyone right now is probably looking at me walk. I am at everyone's attention for sure. It does not matter, I cannot see them anyway.

"Are you going to rest, anak?" mahinang boses ni Daddy iyon.

"Yes, Dad. I am sick of this already," walang preno kong sambit. Walang pakialam kung marinig man nila o hindi. Everybody here already knows I say my thoughts even though they are better to kept inside. Everybody knows I have my mother's tongue. "Sleeping is better than hearing all these people's disgusting gossips."

"Anak,"

"Good night, Dad. Thank you for giving me the best of everything except Mommy Kayla." I even smiled again. "You are the best Dad."

"Anak, can't you be nice on your Mommy Kayla?"

I slowly let out a chuckle. Sandali ko ring kinapa ang mukha ni Dad nang marahan. Before talking, I even heaved a sigh.

"Letting her stay here for years as your plaything is already too nice of me. I understand that she filled the hole in your heart and I am thankful she is making you happy...but she and I will never get along. She isn't my mom. She just wants you and our money."

"Anak naman. She loves me. I love her and I am going to announce something important later. Kaya please stay a little longer."

Napailing ako nang marahan. I already expected the worst, yet I never saw it coming from my own Dad's mouth.

"I am going to marry your Mommy Kayla, anak."