The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

12 : The Familiar Voice

Blah blah blah. There he goes again with the medical concerns and situational empathy. This doctor really think he can make my day a little better when I have been so fucked up for years now. Hindi ko na alam kung dapat pa ba akong matuwa sa lahat ng mga nangyayari, o kung dapat ko pa nga bang ipagpatuloy pa itong mga consultation ganoong wala rin namang nangyayari at paulit-ulit lang ang mga payo. Nakakabingi, nakakasawa.

"Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go to be on top priorities." he said.

"How many?" si Daddy na ramdam ko ang matiyagang paghihintay. He is just in front of me. "A hundred more?"

"Yes,"

He sighed and I knew he did not take it good again that is why I laughed. I am sure that made them so confused because instead of getting disappointed, I sounded happy upon hearing the bad news.

"That's cute. Nanay Meera, tara na po. Napapagod na ako."

"Anak," si Daddy na agad na nahawakan ang kamay ko bago ko pa man subukang tumayo. "I know this is sad...and you are feeling hopeless, but please do not be like this. Do not pretend that you are happy because you can let me see that you are not."

"The only sadness I have right now isn't the fact that I can never be able to see again, but the fact that you will really marry that whore."

"Anak-"

"She is using you. She does not love you."

"She loves me,"

"She loves your money more."

Nanahimik lalo ang lahat. Only Nanay Meera, my Dad, and the doctor is here with me, yet the silence is quite a lot after it. I heard Daddy's sigh again.

"I love her, anak. We are done with this, 'di ba? I will marry your Mommy Kayla -"

"No."

"Anak,"

"Then leave me." I said. I am making sure even though I cannot see him, I am facing him. "If you marry her, leave me. She cannot get any penny on me. Magpatayo kayo ng sarili n'yong bahay dahil ang bahay na 'to ay kay Mama na nakapangalan na sa akin ngayon. I would not let you disrespect her with marrying another woman and let her live under the love nest she made for us. No, not ever."

I heard him heaving another sigh, but he never talked again. Mayamaya pa ay naramdaman ko na ang paghawak sa aking braso ni Nanay Meera at inaaya na akong bumalik sa kwarto ko. Hindi naman ako nagmatigas dahil iyon ang gusto ko. After all the repeating shits, I want to sleep. I want to rest. Maybe if I sleep, Leopold will visit me, and I would never have to hold onto that false hope of seeing the world again. Leopold's eyes, even just for hours that he let me borrow it, I felt like I have seen the world more than enough that I should fill from all those years I cannot see. Something about it is magical. Something the normal eyes cannot explain.

"Anak, umiiyak si Sir Jaime bago tayo umalis." mahinahong sambit ni Nanay Meera nang medyo matagal-tagal na kaming naglalakad papalayo. She made sure no one can hear us. "Inaway mo na naman ba siya?"

"No, hindi po. Sinabi ko lang po iyong totoo."

"Na ano, anak?"

"Nanay Meera..." I did not answer her. "Kapag naiwan ako mag-isa sa bahay na ito, kapag lumipat ng tirahan sina Daddy...iiwan mo rin ba ako?"

"Ha? Naku, hinding-hindi anak."

"E paano kung wala na akong pampasuweldo sa'yo?"

"Hmm e 'di dito pa rin. Sasamahan pa rin kita."

"Kahit ganoon pa rin ang trabaho mo tapos walang suweldo? Hindi mo ako iiwan?" Paninigurado ko pang ulit. "E paano iyon, walang panggastos sina Raia at Ranz dahil hindi ka naman sumusweldo? Dapat maghanap ka ng bagong trabaho noon, Nanay. Iwan mo dapat ako. Iyon ang tamang sagot kasi may Raia at Ranz."

"Hindi, dito pa rin ako. Siguro hanap ako trabaho tapos dito ako uuwi para maalagaan kita. Gusto mo isama ko pa sina Raia at Ranz para masaya tayo rito, e." she even laughed. I can feel the excitement on her voice. What a music to hear. She's ready to take care of me still even the possibility that I can no longer pay her for her job. Maybe....this is not just a job for her. I am her daughter now, I am always going to be her nonbiological daughter. "Hindi mo naman siguro kami itataboy kung dito kami tumira ng mga bata e 'no?"

"Hindi naman po." Sabay tawa ko pa.

"O hindi ba." she laughed again. "Tara na pala, anak. May mga bisita sina Sir Jaime ngayon. Mga kumpare niya yata at ang sabi niya huwag daw kita palabasin. Baka raw kasi tarayan mo sila e karamihan e nga kaibigan ni Ma'am Kayla ang mga iyon."

"Kailan, Nanay Meera? Ngayon?"

"Oo, 'nak."

I smiled. He really wants this way. Talaga namang ayaw na ayaw ni Daddy na mapahiya ang Mommy Kayla ganoong totoo naman ang mga paratang na iyon. Maybe her friends have the same mentality like hers - going for richer fishes.

"Naku, nariyan na pala sila halos, anak. Tara na. Bilisan natin."

Mas binilisan ni Nanay Meera ang pag-alalay sa akin ngunit maingat pa rin. Nagtataka man ako na hindi ko man lang natunugan ang pagdating ng mga bisita ni Daddy ay wala naman akong reklamo. I am done with all these shits now but know that I am not staying still. I am serious on him leaving the house and not living in here with me.

"Good morning po, sir." si Nanay Meera nang maramdaman kong may kasalubong kami.

The funny part is, I felt cold. Nagsitaasan ang mga balahibo ko sa hindi ko malamang dahilan lalo na at nararamdaman kong nakatitig sa akin ngayon ang binati ni Nanay Meera. I feel uneasy, scared, and anxious at the same time.

"You've gotten so big, Ariella."

The voice...I know it. It gave me creepy shivers. Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko at napahawak ako sa braso ni Nanay Meera nang wala sa oras.

This voice...was the last thing I heard on the accident that took my sight years ago. This voice...I won't get it wrong.

He was that one.