The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

06 : The Garden Walk

It's too silent that I can even start to hear my own breathing inside my room. I refuse to sleep even though Nanay Meera advised me to. Ilang oras na ako rito at malamang ay madaling araw na. The house is as quiet as the darkness, but my mind did not stop the noise. It is still bugging me and my thoughts. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na akong napabuntonghininga at mayamaya ay mapapangiti. Hindi ko rin alam kung normal ba ito at dapat na akong mag-alala.

My Dad really announced he is going to marry Mommy Kayla even though I clearly let him know that I do not like that woman and her guts from the start. Is my dad really in love? Am I making his decision hard? Should I start liking her because of him?

Napailing ako. No. Hindi pwede. She is always rude to me and her only want on fucking with my dad is our money. I shouldn't get swayed nor let my guard down. These types of women are always the real danger.

"...my lioness,"

Napapitlag ako nang marinig ko na naman ang boses ng lalaking iyon. It is not a dream nor an illusion, I am really thinking of him. What he said and how I felt when he is on top of me. How I clearly saw his whole while I scream his name, I only heard for the first time. I am in danger. I am starting to get bothered, yet so confused and curious at the same time.

What is he?

I heaved a deep sigh. Nahiga na rin at sinubukang matulog. He came to me when I was asleep that is why I thought it was all a dream, but no one in the house came inside my room that night nor are allowed to touch me. All these people are trusted and working for us for many years. They would not do such a thing and I know every voice in here. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali na hindi nga kasama ko sa bahay ang lalaking iyon.

His lust.

Hindi man lang ako dinalaw ng katiting na antok kahit napakatagal ko nang nakapikit at sinubukang huwag mag-isip ng kung ano-ano. For some reason, tonight is one of those days where I cannot shut my eyes despite my whole body feeling so tired. I do not want to call and wake Nanay Meera so I walked by myself. Kabisado ko ang bawat sulok ng bahay na ito kahit wala akong alalay at tungkod. I can wander peacefully especially that people in the house are asleep.

I silently and slowly walked towards the garden. It is a long walk from the corridors, and I had to pass the kitchen and the main room. While in the middle of my walk, nothing is really a nuisance, but I bumped into a kid. Ranz. He was near the kitchen. I felt his presence and he was quick to tell me who he is.

"Ate, sorry. Naiihi po kasi ako hindi ko mahanap 'yong cr. Sorry po. Sorry,"

"The right one." sabay turo ko naman. "After the second door, that's the comfort room. Quickly and come back here."

My voice is cold, and my face is probably saying I did not like the fact that I saw him here. His voice, even though not trembling, I can feel he is afraid. He always is. It has something to do about the first time I met this kid. Napaiyak ko siya noon kaya siguro takot siya sa akin hanggang ngayon.

"P-po?"

"Don't worry, Ranz. Hindi kita pinapagalitan. I just need you to accompany me to the garden."

Mabilis siyang tumalima. I patiently waited for him to come back after he did his thing. Marahan din ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking kamay na medyo nahihiya pa yata. Tahimik niya lang din akong inalalayan hanggang sa makarating kami sa garden. Nang makaupo na ako ay doon ko lang siya muling kinausap.

"What time is it?"

"4:49 po ng madaling araw."

I nodded. "Okay, sit next to me. I am assuming that you have your phone with you."

"Opo, ate. Mayroon po. Bakit po?"

"I need you to do something for me."

"Po?"

"Raia is still sleeping, right? Nanay Meera   will wake up soonest. 5:30 pa lang ay nag-aasikaso na iyon. We only have a few minutes left. She will be mad if she catches me here again."

"Pinapagalitan ka po ni nanay?" Medyo naguguluhan ang tanong niya. He wasn't expecting that his mother can be mad at me when here he is still scared of talking to me. This is also maybe the longest conversation we had. "Hehe sorry po. Medyo matanda na po kasi siya e kaya ganoon. Pagpasensyahan n'yo na lang po, please. Huwag n'yo po siya i-fire."

"She's my mom, too. She's allowed to get mad at me when I am doing bad things. You are lucky that she is your mother. Both of you and Raia. Malapit na nga pala ang graduation mo. What do you want for a graduation gift?"

"Po? Ah, thank you po. Matagal ko na po request kay nanay na bilhan ako laptop kasi senior high school na ako sa pasukan at malapit na ako magcollege. Okay pa naman po itong cellphone ko at medyo kaya pa naman. Papalitan ko na lang kapag kumita na ako sa sideline ko. Kaso po, ayaw ko pilitin si nanay kasi alam kong hindi namin kaya 'yon. Magtrabaho at mag-ipon na lang po ako para kapag college na ako ay may laptop na ako."

I smiled. This kid is brave. I am jealous over his motivation for such wish. Kulang na lang ay mapabuntong-hininga ako dahil naaawa ako sa sarili ko. I want that kind of fire again. That enthusiasm again to get my hopes back. If only my wish to see the world again is this level of fire I felt in this kid's voice, maybe I'll have my eyes again sooner.

"Just focus on studying. I'll give you a laptop after your graduation."

"Talaga po?!"

"In one condition,"

His excited voice calmed down. Nakalimutan yatang madaling araw na at hindi basta-bastang nakukuha ang mga wish.

"I want you to search the internet for me," I smiled. "Search about a demon of lust. It's called an incubus."