If that's what it takes

107

Derek stared at the floor as Sarah rubbed his back. He wanted to tell her more, he needed to tell her more, he couldn't speak. "Derek... there's something that you're not telling me." Sarah whispered as she continued to rub his back, trying to get him to look at her. "Why did she think you died?" She whispered, watching his eyes meet hers for a moment. "And tell me... why is she having those nightmares?"

"I... told you what happened." He said as he cleared his throat. "I told you that... I met her... in New York... at the airport." He said as she nodded. "Her grandmother was caring for her... and had passed away... and she was coming to live with her aunt.

"Go on..."

"I told you that... she snatched m y pager... and that... I met her aunt... and she and I talked a few times on the phone... and that night... she found her aunt had passed away in the night." He whispered.

"Yes." She said softly.

"What I didn't tell you." He said as he glanced to his sister. "Is that... before she was born, Zoey's father was killed in a car wreck. Meredith went into a deep depression and when she was born, her grandmother took her away from her mother... and was raising her as her own. Her grandmother died and she came to live with her aunt, who she was told was her sister."

"Derek..." She whispered.

"Her sister... Aunt... Lexie... abused her." Derek said bluntly. "I mean... she...traumatized her... and she had a boyfriend who also abused her, treated her like garbage, Sarah. They starved her and locked her in her room. They treated her like an unwanted animal." He said as Sarah sat with her hand over her mouth, shocked at what Derek was telling her. "One night... the boyfriend got drunk and came home and started beating Lexie... with a frying pan... and he had a gun or something... someone had a gun, I don't know. All I know is that... she ended up shooting the boyfriend... and then collapsed. Zoey found them... she called 911 and was brought to the hospital."

"Derek... this is awful..." Sarah said as her lip trembled, her hands trembled, her whole body was filled with shivers as she listened to her brother's words. She wanted to tell him to stop, but she needed to know more, and it was killing her to hear the awful things that had happened to the little girl.

"It is awful." Derek whispered. "But I took her in... She had no one, Sarah. She had no one... and she needed someone who could promise to be here for her." He took a deep breath. "And... she was having horrible nightmares... I mean... worse than the ones she had last night, you wouldn't believe them... we met Meredith... and spent time with her... and she learned the truth about her mother. Meredith was incapacitated... practically a vegetable." Derek said as he watched her eyes. She could only move her eyes... there was no talking, no movement... no anything... only blinking." He whispered. "Then we learned that Meredith was dying... and we had to save her... for Zoey... for Meredith."

"Derek... I... I'm... Derek..."

"She had a clot in her brainstem... and a little over a month and a half ago, she had it removed... and what you saw yesterday... communicating... and... moving a little... that's the start of it all." He whispered. "That's the start of her recovery process..."

"Derek..."

"She wants me out of the way, so that she can have time with her daughter." Derek said as he leaned back on the couch and turned his head to face her. "She wants a bond with her... who the fuck am I to say no to that?" He asked as looked his sister in the eyes. "Who am I to tell that woman... that she cannot have anything she wants. I'm not her husband, and I'm not her daughter's father. I have no rights, Sarah... I'm just a guy who was there... at the right time... I'm no one." He whispered.

"You're DD." She replied, without even thinking for a moment, she had her answer. "You have responsibilities and you know what is best for her, Derek. You are... that child's parent, Derek. You are her father, for a lack of a better word, you are her father. You protect her and feed her and hold her and love her... you are Zoey's father, Derek... like she has never known before, and you're just looking out for her. You're just... trying to do what is best for her. Is she seeing a therapist?" She asked, swallowing hard as she watched Derek's eyes meet hers.

"Kara is her therapist." He said as he watched her expression become a little more surprised. "She's a therapist for terminal kids... and she... knows how to deal with trauma. She's been helping Zoey with her nightmares, and for about two weeks, now... she hasn't had one. Last night was her first one in a while." Derek sighed. "I think it's just the changes... having new people around... she becomes anxious and it triggers the nightmares." Derek replied.

"What are you going to do when everyone else gets here... that's going to be traumatic, and you know Nancy and Kathleen... you know they're going to grill you. You know they're going to upset you... upset Zoey."

"Which is why I'm counting on you and Jen to thwart their evilness." Derek said with a completely serious look. "Sarah... what do I do?" He whispered as Sarah watched her brother sigh in frustration. "What do I do?" he whispered, the desperation in his eyes making her chest tight, her breath catch.

"You... have to talk to Meredith, Derek." She whispered. "You need to tell her how you feel."

"She won't see me." Derek replied.

"Then you need to give her time." She replied. "You're there every day, Derek. You are raising her daughter... she's holding some resentment... you need to give her time to realize you're doing this for her. You need to give her time to understand that."

"How do I do that, Sarah? How do I take a step back without her thinking I've abandoned her?" Derek whispered.

"There's no way that Zoey... is going to let anyone forget you're here." Sarah replied. "You wouldn't believe the things she said about you while you were gone, Derek. You're her entire world. You're her hero. You're her daddy."

"She called me daddy last night." Derek whispered. "She only slipped, but I heard it... it made me feel wonderful."

"She didn't slip... she said it on purpose. She loves you, Derek... and I know that Meredith loves you."

"Meredith doesn't love me, Sarah. She just needs me... until she can do everything for herself. That's not love."

"You keep telling yourself that, Derek." Sarah said as she watched his eyes look up to meet hers. "Zoey isn't going to let anyone forget you, Derek... give Meredith time... she'll come around." She said softly as she reached her arms for her brother, accepting his hug as she felt him calm in her arms.