Tough Times (Rdr2)

chapter 3

John and I spent a lot of our time together. He was my first everything. My first love, my first kiss, the first time I made love to anyone was with him. He was the best, I could have ever hoped for. He was my best friend. He had saw me through one of the toughest times of my life.

Arthur was my 33 and I was 23, when Abigail came along. She was a prostitute and slept with most of the men in camp. When she said she was pregnant she pinned it on John. John denied it and when the baby was born, John took off.

I was upset. I thought John and I had something, but he left without a word. Abigail liked to throw it up in my face that, John had slept with her. I was the reason he left.

I had, had enough. I grabbed my pocket knife and grabbed her and held the knife to her throat. "I would slit your throat if it wasn't for the baby. If I were you I'd stay the hell away from me and keep my damned name out of your mouth. Because you keep on I will cut your tongue out," I said releasing her.

"You bitch!" She said. She raised her hand to hit me and I punched her right in her nose feeling a satisfying crunch and watched a blood poured out of it.

"Think twice about coming at me like that again," I said.

Dutch yelled at me. "What the hell Dot?" He yelled.

"Ask the bitch with the broken damned nose!" I yelled back.

Arthur walked toward me. "She talking shit again?" He asked.

"Every time she opens her damned mouth I want to cut her tongue out. I told her that. She kept on about I'm the reason John left. She said John cheated on me," I said.

"If he did what then?" Arthur asked.

"Then I'll move on, I ain't wasting my life on a man that don't want me. And I damn sure not competing with a slut," I said.

"Emily," Arthur said.

"Just don't you start either. He chose to leave. I ain't gonna sit here and cry over it," I said. "I'm going hunting."

I got on my horse and rode away from camp. I went into the woods and shot and killed three deer. I cleaned two and loaded the third one on the back of the horse. I was still amped up and needing to let off so steam. I rode back to camp and Bill helped me unload the deer and I carried the other meat and pelts to Pearson.

"Nice job," Pearson said.

"Thanks," I said. I decided to go see if they had any bounties that needed to be brought in. I had found out there was one that they said was a fast draw that had killed a few bounty hunters.

"Well he hasn't met me," I said. I found out the bounty was last seen in a cave just north of Strawberry. I smiled I knew the cave and the area well. I had played in that cave while I was younger. I climbed the mountain and looked through the scope and saw the man. I fired a shot that went through his right hand and one that went through the left hand.

I went down and tackled him and hogtied him. "Ready?" I asked.

"You won't get away with this," he said.

I laughed, "why what you gonna do about it?" I asked.

I rode into Strawberry with this man on the back of my horse. I called the sheriff out and he picked the man up and carried him inside and placed him in the cell. "He may need some bandages. I wasn't taking a chance so I shot both of his hands," I said.

"That was a good idea," he said. "Here is the money for him."

"Thanks," I said.

I felt better riding back with a bit of cash to add to the chest. I walked over placed 60 dollars into the chest and walked to my tent. I wrote in my journal.

I couldn't help myself today. I think I'm losing it. It's been six weeks since he left. The baby is six months old I still can not stand Abigail. I know what she says, that's its my fault he left. I haven't even spoken his name. It hurts that the man I love didn't trust me enough to say goodbye or to even tell me if he had slept with her. I find myself doubting if he ever really cared at all.

Maybe I shouldn't wait anymore. I need to find a way to clear my head. I just need to figure out how to stand on my own without him. I finally let someone in after that day. The day that still haunts my dreams.

I can't even say their names. Arthur doesn't talk about it. And if I could talk to anyone it would be him but I can't bare to lay that burden on him. I know he took it hard but it shook me to my core.

I don't know how much more I can take before I snap. And that would not be a good thing. Since he left I've hunted at least three times a week. I even started to give some of my kills away. I have brought in seven bounties. The last two were the hardest because they had a group of men surrounding them to protect them. The one I brought in today though was fairly easy. They said he was a fast draw and I shot both of his hand from a distance before he could even pull a pistol.

I closed my journal and went to wash my clothes. I went to the river and scrubbed the blood out of my clothes and rinsed them and threw them back in the basket. I walked back to camp, hung my clothes up to dry and fed the horses. I chopped wood and helped chop vegetables.

I tried to keep myself busy. A whole years passed and I had given up on John coming back. Then one day out of the blue he showed up. He went straight to see the boy. I walked away back to my tent and closed the flaps. I laid down and cried.

After a while I heard him coming and I turned my back and closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. "Emily," he said.

I just laid there. "Come on Em. Talk to me," he said. "I know your not asleep."

I finally rolled over. "Talk to you! You left and didn't say anything to me. You didn't reassure me of anything John. So what do you want me to say. I thought we told each other everything. I thought I was your girl and nothing not a letter telling me if you were even alive. I loved you so much John. To see him everyday while you were away was hell. He looks just like you and she says I was the reason you left. If it wasn't for the boy I would have killed her already," I said. "Now if you'll be so kind and leave me alone I would appreciate it."

John hung his head. I put my boots on and walked over to my horse. Arthur was on duty tonight. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"Away from here," I said.

"Hold on," he said.

"Hosea, can you take over?" Arthur asked.

"I'll get Sean to take over," Hosea said.

"Thanks," Arthur walked over and got on his horse.

We rode out away from camp. "What did he say to you?" Arthur asked.

"Nothing, I didn't give him a chance," I said.

"He is stupid Emily," Arthur said.

"What did he think, that I was gonna open my arms back open after he left without saying anything? He denied the boy is his but he never denied sleeping with her Arthur. Never said he didn't, didn't reassure me. So am I supposed to be thrilled he is back?" I asked. "A year and not a letter a post card or anything to say hey I'm alive."