Tough Times (Rdr2)

chapter 15

I sat on the balcony of the old plantation house Shady Belle. I rubbed my growing belly and looked over at the paper and started to write.

Dear Mrs Macguire,

This is Emily, Sean's wife. I must have written this letter at least a thousand times and a thousand time I can't find the words.

I hate to say it to you as I keep denying it myself. Sean was killed, I wasn't there when it happen. My brother was and he said Sean felt no pain. Said it was quick. I have a bit of Sean to carry. As I found out a couple days before I am expecting.

He was my light in this dark world and I still feel he is with me in some strange way. I miss him dearly and  I believe I always will. The way he could make me laugh or smile at some silly story or joke he would tell. He way he would stand behind and place his chin on the top of my head and wrap his arms around me.

He loved you all. We wanted to come see you and introduce you to our child. He loved that you wrote to me. He told me you would see me as a daughter. And I understand if you hate me, because I wasn't there. I hate myself for it everyday. I was kidnapped and held hostage by someone our leader had an issue with.

When they came to rescue me and my friends son was when I learned about Sean. I haven't spoken to anyone but my brother. He said, Sean loved me. I know he did, as much as I loved him.

I am so sorry.

Emily Macguire

I walked out and walked around camp. Saddie walked over to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder. "It will get easier," she said.

"If I wasn't pregnant I would be right there beside him," I said.

I walked away. I got on my horse and rode to post office in Saint Dennis. I sent the letter to Sean's mother. I sat down outside and just waited. I waited to live, waited to feel, I just waited.

The next month was awful. I was so numb, I didn't really care anymore. I sat on the balcony watching when Kieran came riding back into camp with his head in his hands.

Then the next thing I knew O'drisscal's started coming out of the wood work. I felt Dutch shove me inside and yelled at me to stay down. For the first time in my life I was afraid. I laid in a ball on the floor and curled myself up as tight as I could.

Arthur took off downstairs and helped get the rest of the women and Jack inside. I heard more gunfire. When each sound I jumped. I wish he was here. I felt like I was crumbling.  As soon as the shoot stopped I felt myself being lift off the floor.

Arthur held me, in his arms. "Your safe Emily," he said over and over.

I knew he hated seeing me like this. "I can't do this anymore Arthur. I can't lose anybody else to this life. I am drowning," I said.

"I know," he said. "I'll get you out,"

Arthur held me for a long time. He started coughing and I knew he was sick. "Arthur you need to go to the doctor," I said.

"I'm fine," Arthur said.

"Don't you dare do that. You're sick, I know that don't lie to me," I said.

"If it gets worse I will," he said

"Promise me Arthur," I said.

"I, " he said. "I promise."