Earth Warriors (Undergoing Revision)

Chapter 68 - The Fallout

12 hours later. 

I am a murderer... a killer... All I know is to slay... to hurt... 

Every sort of thought ran through his veins and heart ever since that fateful night that let him "prove" himself to the Zlocu. All enough to make every sort of life choice he had to be altered forever. 

And even when the old wounds vanish, the traces remain for a very long time, almost like an eternity in fact. He knows what he did, they know what he did. It wouldn't bring peace of mind when he was recorded in front of millions. And indeed, a point in which some may recognize him for the wrong reasons. But even so, it wouldn't even matter for so long, as Julian knows sits alone again in his bedroom made by his own father. Despite every accommodation, it feels like a glorified prison cell for someone like him. 

Julian's sobs are heard across the room, they're nearly toneless in sound as he stares down at the reflection of himself on the table. His downturned mouth makes him almost unable to speak out as the tears fall down, leaning down with a bent neck and holding on with his arms as he still sobs with every passing second. 

I don't deserve Rita... She doesn't deserve me... I don't deserve anyone.. 

Defeat is the only constant for him, the one repeating factor for him that won't shake off for some time. 

Then, he raises his head up to observe the long range of scrambled objects surrounding him, whether it's paperwork, pencils, pens, photos, and such. All of them don't seem to hold particular importance for him to try anything. 

Save one. 

A double-edged razor blade with a thin violet handle. It's located on the corner of the steel table near the bed, with a case behind it for safekeeping purposes. The sharp edges of it can reflect even the dimmest lights in the world, the proof of a perfectly sharpened blade for any sort of activity to commit. 

And just crossed his mind. 

Julian slowly reaches for it with a shaky hand and infrequently blinking eyes as he stares at the razor blade. Once in his hand, he continues to stare with his wet and red eyes as he ponders the next course of action to take. Something to satiate his own pain after what happened last night. A chance to erase it. 

But how would he do it? The possibilities are endless when it comes to such objects, mainly for handy work on mundane things and certain assignments as well. But it has served other twisted purposes too, self-inflicted too. 

He knows it well, as his quivery mouth shows as he places the razor above the wrists. A simple cut is as enough to give himself the "punishment" for his "crime", for him, his place among Humanity is long gone, it doesn't matter anymore if he begs to be forgiven or not. He sees it all, to be deemed as a pariah for the masses. 

He has to do it. It's the only way to "free" him from the guilt. All the thoughts crossed his mind at that moment. 

A grand chance to make it disappear. 

But his shaky hand can't help it, as he doesn't lower his hand near the wrist to cut it between his sobbing and near sleepy eyes that impair such action to be done for him. 

Why hesitate...? Do it... You coward... 

Those pauses get closer by any second as the trembling increases in his hand, still not landing on the wrist with the blade. The staring continues as well as Julian doesn't know what he should do. Is this even the right choice? Or should a better alternative arise instead of this? 

Lots of questions shroud his already shattered mind, for as even his own indecisiveness is to his detriment in matters like this one. The blur in his sight and shaky, uneven breathing increase with every second, his hand getting even less stable as the placement of the razor changes wildly, unknown where it will cut or not.