EYES ━━ seishu inui

𝐱𝐢𝐯

CHAPTER 14

"That takes too much pride and ego to do."
Was I serious, or was I joking? I couldn't tell, the joke itself sounded pretty serious for a second. It was meant to be a joke, but I feel like it's taking over me. Maybe it's not a joke.

Kokonoi and Inui, Inui and Kokonoi, how could I even forget those two names? They were like a different definition of Draken and Mikey, Mikey and Draken. 

How could I forget? I could never, but I have to pretend that I did. More like I wanted to, not have, not had. Because of my pride, because of my ego. 

Before I could even leave Tenjiku, by the time when I just joined, all I thought about was going back. Going back to my original, normal, peaceful life, going back to school, going back to my friends, going back and seeing Inui again, and perhaps, continuing to know and learn more about him.

Izana would take me out when we had nothing to do, he'd stroll with me in the streets of Yokohama. And sometimes, if I did a pretty good job with whatever he asked me to do, he'd accompany me to Shibuya. I always asked him to come with me to the same street, where my school was, every four in the afternoon because it's the time when students go home or start their club activities.

Knowing Inui and Koko, they weren't in a club so I was certain they'd come out from the school at that hour. And since there were a lot of cafes near the school, we'd go into one to not be suspicious or be spotted by anyone.

There was this one time I could still remember clearly to this day. 

I saw Inui and Koko walking together, just like how I expected them to do. At first, I was really happy that I was about to squeal and just jump out of my seat and rush outside to hug them. I was so happy since it was the first time I saw them once again after months.

But as it became our daily routine, I started to feel different emotions than happiness, and it was sadness. I realized how they look unbothered about my disappearance, they acted like there was nothing wrong.

Perhaps I was so lonely that even if  I hang out with the gang members, it made me pity myself and think that those who I left didn't care about me. Maybe the loneliness I felt made me selfish.

If Ran, Rindou, Kaku, and Izana weren't there, I would've gone insane. 

Ran and Rindou would spoil me with sweets. Meanwhile, Kakucho makes Izana play random songs with his guitar and just sing whatever they want to sing.

And if I were allowed to be honest, I felt hatred towards them. I somewhat hated Inui and Kokonoi for acting as if nothing had happened. But I never hated Mikey and Draken. Maybe it's because I know that they're worried about me, and I don't have to go and look at their faces just to know. And perhaps, it's because I know they'll understand me if I try to explain things to them. 

Unlike my two schoolmates whom I just met not so long ago, I can't tell what's going on inside their minds. I can't predict what they're gonna do, their next move and I don't know what they truly think about me.

Being a teenager sucks.
You'll just get depression out of nowhere. You can't tell whether you really have depression or you're just self-diagnosing, or even just trying to copy someone who acts like they're depressed because you think it's cool.

I sighed and opened the small cup of vanilla ice cream in my hands and used the small plastic spoon to eat. The sweetness of the flavor exploded in my buds and the coldness. I felt my fingertips slowly starting to get called due to the temperature of what I was holding, and the weather.

"Funny how that so-called hatred immediately disappeared when I saw them for the first time once again after two years..." I scoffed and rolled my eyes to myself, although it was true. When Draken mentioned their name, the hatred I felt before was gone. I didn't feel like hating them even one bit. Heck, I was even so excited to see them that I had to annoy Draken and run to the park.